On the campaign couch ... with JB. (Close-Up).

Q I have been a major advertiser on ITV for many years but have always been appalled by their lack of client service and understanding of my business requirements (and the tales of the lavish lifestyles enjoyed by their sales chiefs). I hear there are some good deals to be had on ITV right now and I have some money to spare, but I'm quite enjoying ITV's misfortunes. Am I being petty or can I relish their agony for a little longer?.

I'm afraid to say you reveal a level of professionalism I find profoundly shocking. As a major advertiser, you owe it to your company and to your shareholders to invest your advertising budget in whatever media and at whatever level you and your advisers deem most likely to achieve the highest ROI. Even to contemplate allowing your own corrosive sense of envy and spitefulness to influence what should be a detached and scientific set of calculations is to abdicate your corporate responsibility to an indictable degree.

(Sorry about that, but as I'm sure you understand, I really had to get all the responsible stuff out of the way first. Now to your question.)

With airtime supply finite, and demand both high and apparently inexhaustible, ITV sales directors don't really have to be sales directors at all. They're more like wartime shopkeepers, grudgingly granting you two ounces of margarine while plainly expecting gratitude. In a seller's market, not every TV salesperson manages to remain a truly caring human being, responding with psychic sensitivity to their customers' business preoccupations. George Cooper remains the model.

It may well be the case that now, suddenly, ITV sales directors are plying you with long-forgotten attention, hospitality and special deals. Enjoy them while they last. Yes: you are being petty. Yes: you may certainly enjoy their agony for a little longer. And, yes: you can also pick up a few bargains at the same time, thus ensuring that you continue to serve your company and its shareholders by investing your advertising budget in the way that you and your advisers deem most likely ... oh, you ...