ON THE CAMPAIGN COUCH ... WITH JB.(Jeremy Bullmore)(Brief Article)(Company Profile)

Q Two years ago we had a massive battle to do our own advertising in the UK, which by any measure has been a tremendous success. The same marketing director is still in Europe and intent on getting the UK back into the fold of a European ad campaign. Nothing could be more inappropriate for our brand in the UK. What should I do?

It's clear that you're a purist: I'm delighted to meet you and much admire your principled attitude towards marketing. I am also astonished by your naivety. Before I propose a stratagem, therefore, I'm afraid I must read you a short lecture on Multinational Corporate Culturalism.

You seem to believe that the company you work for should be interested only in sales results and should judge and reward its executives on the single dimension of marketing success. This is to misunderstand the nature of multinationals. To succeed in a multinational, it may be the case that an association with marketing success is an advantage -- but it is by no means paramount. Of far greater value to the furtherance of a career is a detailed understanding of, and compliance with, the Corporate Culture.

It will not be written down. Its origins will be obscure, although it was probably first epitomised by the founder's mother, a distinguished senior citizen of Grand Rapids, Michigan, towards the end of the 19th century. But evidence of its existence is everywhere: from the exhibits in glass cases in all 76 corporate reception areas worldwide through the well-publicised list of good causes supported to, above all, the global showreel.

There is nothing more offensive to an international president than a maverick, national ad campaign (and please do not insult me further by quoting market penetration figures) that blatantly disregards The Way We Do Things Round Here. Multinational Corporate Culturalism demands absolute and unquestioning obedience. Are you, or are you not, One of Us?

So if you insist on pursuing your noble aim, you must do so with a conscious application of low cunning; you must produce two campaigns. Campaign A is for the public and will maintain the success you have so far enjoyed. Campaign ...