The Bright Side of Being Dumped.(Brief Article)

Even the most painful breakups can be beneficial says novelist and comedienne Moon Unit Zappa, if you resist repeating your mistakes.

In my novel America the Beautiful, America Throne is a Los Angeles Gen X-er in love with the wrong man. When her hot artist boyfriend Jasper Husch suddenly dumps her via fax mere days after they move in together, America is blindsided. Deathly allergic to being single, she desperately tries to get Jasper back even though it's clear that the relationship is irreparably flawed. Understandably, what she can't grasp is that losing your "dream guy" can really be blessing in disguise- if you look at it the right way.

In my own life, after a short-lived period as the dumper, I've spent the subsequent years of my dating career meeting, snaring, and getting supremely ditched by nine guys, each of whom I was certain was The One. Though they ranged from actors to musicians to painters to a sitcom writer, my reaction to every departure was the same: rock-bottom devastation. I could not understand why they all wanted it to end, even if it wasn't exactly perfect.

Instead of turning a critical eye to what went wrong, I allowed myself to indulge in self-pity, toast, pancakes, and mashed potatoes and spent the ensuing days either in a shopping frenzy I could not afford or remaining bedridden and unwashed. Sound familiar? It wasn't until I started writing my novel that I realized that if it ain't right for both of you (no matter how right you might think it is), ultimately, it just ain't right.

But that's not to say you can't salvage something wonderful out of a failed relationship. When we fall in love, we often get very attached to all the great things we think a guy is giving us--the sex we've ever had, exposure to a vast musical knowledge, or whatever. Sometimes just the fact that he cooked or cleaned up after himself is enough to enrapture us. ...