The true story of one woman's quest for love, lust, and adventure.

The story so far: After hearing that Jackson dissed her to a mutual friend, Maggie ditched him via an angry E-mail. She then discovered that Ben might be taking a job in Los Angeles....

saturday

Am somewhat perplexed. Saw Ben last night. Went to a party for a new magazine about erotica. Vaguely interesting. There was a room with a video camera set up for amateur exhibitionists. Any semiporn interludes by willing partgoers were broadcast on a huge screen. Was with Olya and Selma, and we put on a little show for the cameras--a little flashing, a little smooching--but strictly PG-13. Ben came to meet me, and we got busy in a dark corner. Decided to go back to my place before we publicly embarrassed ourselves.

Back chez me, things were getting hot when Ben just lost it. And I don't mean his temper. Don't know what happened, but all of a sudden, it wasn't happening. Tried a few things, but even the no-fail flicked wrist twist-and-turn accomplished nothing but a tired hand on my end and brooding silence on his. He didn't want to talk about it and just rolled over to the far side of the bed. I fell asleep perplexed, frustrated, and uncomfortable since he hogged the pillows.

Woke up to him kissing my neck though. Mmmm. So nice. Turned around and climbed on top of him, but then nothing. Ignored it and continued to kiss him, but after a few minutes, he basically told me to stop. Didn't know what to say or do as he got up and went to the bathroom. He came out, threw on his clothes, and walked out after barely saying good-bye to me. This sucks.

sunday

Brunch with the posse. Over eggs Benedict, casually brought up Ben's prob. Was confused over whether I could be to blame and pissed about his angry departure. Olya explained that he was too humiliated to stick around. "You really can't blame him," she said. Katherine said it happens to every guy once in a while. Too tired, too much drinking, work stress. So it's not b/c I'm not sexy enough? Or that I don't turn him on anymore? "Absolutely not," the entire table practically screamed at me. If a guy can't perform with hot and naked you, it's definitely his bang-up, they said. "And besides, he could--and should--have satisfied you in other ways," declared Frankie. I love my friends.