AGONY.(advice: men with parental urges, and other topics)

pregnancy fixations

My friend and I have found a freakish similarity in our men. The thought of getting us pregnant turns them on--they even ask us to say "I want to have your baby" in bed. Is this just a weird coincidence?

You've heard of the maternal urge. Well, there is such a thing as a paternal urge too, and a lot of guys have it. So while this is a coincidence, it's not an awfully weird one. If I had to guess, I'd say that both guys are about the same age (pretty young) and neither one has been a father yet. They may be imagining themselves ready to grow up and be daddies. For the first time, they are struck by the thought that sex has a long-range purpose beyond pleasure. Sex makes babies! Who would have thought it? So new and thrilling is the prospect of possible fatherhood, they are playacting with you and your friend that they have found the special partners who will carry their genes into the future. In reality, this may or may not be the case! Your relationship has to develop at its own pace and not be hurried into parenthood by a brand-new fetish. These men may be the deep secure loves you want to live with forever...or simply a couple of perfectly nice young men but not the perfect life partners. So be careful, and don't say a word you do not really mean (unless you're safely using birth control and you've made sure this guy knows that for now, your saying "yes, I want your baby" is just a bit of role-playing fun). Remember, the drive to reproduce only has to last a few minutes to be satisfied. True parenting, on the other hand, is a commitment for life.

over-the-top tease

My guy is a terrible flirt. I don't think he'd ever cheat on me, but it's disrespectful. Plus, I'm sure one of these women will respond to what they think are his come-ons. Can I make him stop?

There is flirting. And then there is flirting. One kind is driven by a simple desire to be well-liked and the other comes from a desire to get laid. Because you trust your boyfriend and he has not been unfaithful or given you any real reason to worry, suspect he flirts out of nervousness and insecurity around women. He does it precisely so women will not threaten him or see him as a threat; he just wants to make them like him. If one of them actually responded sexually to the attention he supplies, I'm willing to bet he would run like hell. Nevertheless, it's not fun to be with a guy who--even if it's inadvertent--humiliates you in public by acting as if you were not there. Have you talked to him about it? Calmly and with concern for him (not yourself), point out his annoying habit, which is comparable to a nervous tic and something he may not be aware of. If he agrees to stop flirting, try a little humor to help break the habit: A laugh can work more effectively than nagging or complaining. Above all, when y ou are with mutual friends of your own sex, steer the conversation to topics of general interest, and always share as many of your deep thoughts as you can with him. He needs to begin seeing females as smart, feeling, thinking people and not as mysterious and dangerous aliens who cannot like a man unless he tries to charm the pants off them.

dozing during the deed