Notes & Asides.(Letter to the Editor)

--Dear Bill: I am launching a campaign to introduce a synonymous vocabulary that will replace words that have outworn their usefulness or, in the present political scene, seem too harsh.

For example, gay, which destroys a useful adjective and is totally inaccurate in today's usage. It demeans homosexuals as limp-wristed gigglers, and could well be replaced by the noun androgene or the adjective muliebrous.

There is also considerable confusion over phallus, which does not trissilate, and thallus, which does. Liberals, moreover, should be required to use isocracy-equality that is physical, intellectual, and in the sack-for democracy.

I offer the following replacements:

Eisegesis: Incorrect interpretation of a text-i.e., the Constitution-by distorting the meaning to fit a preconceived idea. This would eliminate such terms as strict constructionism, and bring joy to the heart of Madam Justice Ginsburg.

Thesmophete: Lawgiver.

Sinistrocular: Using the left eye more than the right.