ADSTARS!(Brief Article)

It's sexy, smart and boasts an all-star line-up. As The Agency opens its doors this week, M&M Beaumont exclusively reveal the inner workings of the ad industry's hottest start-up

It was Monday, day one at the sexy offices of The Agency, the sexiest start-up in British advertising history. "Adland's Dream Team", "Piss off, Mother" and "Crozier canvasses D&AD to include Best Use of Offside Trap in Awards" had been the headlines that had greeted the announcement of the sizzling all-star line-up.

Tamsin Income had indeed surrounded herself with London's hottest talent. Not, as some had sneered, to disguise the fact that she didn't know what she was doing, but to maximise The Agency's chance of success. As she surveyed her opulent walnut surroundings, she should have been glowing with triumph. But it wasn't even lunchtime and things were already going badly wrong. Randy Raw, her sexy senior suit, and Pete Super, her steamy creative director, had pulled a fast one. They had joined forces and rewritten everybody's job description. Her new title was "Chief Operations Manager Of All Things, Etcetera", which she had been more than happy with first thing this morning. However, a closer inspection of her contract revealed some worrying small print. "Etcetera", in this case, stood for "Excluding Things Concerning Everything To do with Everything Regarding Advertising".

Damn. She'd made the oldest mistake in the book -- signing a contract without looking at it properly. She promised herself that she wouldn't fall for that one again and set about planning her revenge.

Pete Super gazed at his vast walnut desk and smiled at the thought of the trees that had given their lives to provide him with the finest workstation that money could buy. At the tender age of 22, he was a founding partner of the steamiest, sexiest agency in Soho with a department all of his own. Sweet.

He'd decided to buck the industry trend by staffing it entirely with women. All of his hirings had talent, drive and breasts. Not just any old breasts either but firm, tantalising, award-winning ones. He could see his sizzling young starlets now through the walnut-edged glass panels of his vast office. There were the foxy Tam and Wilma, whose epic lesbian surfer film for Ribena ToothKind had been voted Best Ad of All Time, Ever by the readers of Mad About Boys. He spied the smouldering Betty Trevor chatting to them. She was one hot, curly haired babe. The Wolverhampton accent was a turn-off but he consoled himself with the fact that she wouldn't be able to speak with her mouth full. And then there was Panther Wilde, the mysterious beauty with the dark secret.

Panther had been coveted by every agency in London, but it was he who had won her. His manhood stiffened as he remembered the line that had clinched her hiring. "You've got great tits, babe, but it's your nipples that are gonna make you famous." She'd shuddered in anticipation and signed there and then.