The Buffalo News, N.Y., Jeff Simon column.(Column)

Byline: Jeff Simon

April 29--His name was Eugene. He was played by his creator, Ernie Kovacs, as a simple fellow with a gap between his teeth. He smiled a lot anyway, even if he never said anything. But then, neither did anyone else on the TV screen around him. Everywhere Eugene went in his wordless world, the natural laws of physics were suspended.

When opening a door one way made too much noise, he simply removed the doorknob from the left side, put it on the right and opened it more quietly that way. When browsing through a bookshelf, minor wonders would happen. He'd open "Moby Dick," and a geyser of water would jet from the pages into his face. When he'd open "Camille," he'd hear coughing. If he ruffled through the book to read some later pages, the coughing would get louder. And then there's the biography of Thomas Edison. The second Eugene opened that book, a semi-nuclear flash of light would leave him dazed and temporarily blinded. He'd have to close it up. Most remarkable …