Armies Of Benevolent, Selfless Lawyers.

(From Guardian Unlimited)

NO WIN, NO PLAY

Nothing tickles the Fiver's funny bone quite like the news of a talented footballer and, by all accounts, thoroughly decent person being forced to retire at 26 due to long-term knack, so you can imagine our joy this afternoon upon being asked to churn out 357 words on Dean Ashton finally calling it a day. Ashton suffered ankle-crunch while training with England in 2006, and although he eventually recovered sufficiently to play 35 games in 2007-08, he knacked himself again in September 2008. He has since been warned by doctors that continuing to play football may compromise his mobility later in life.

After spending one or two more afternoons than he would have liked sat in front of the telly with his feet up, though, at least Ashton knows he has options in this situation. Up and down the country whole armies of benevolent and selfless lawyers are ready and waiting …