No stimulus for you.(INDUSTRY VIEWPOINT)

What a great time to talk about the recent stimulus package--tax month. It took me about a year to get through the 1,200 pages of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, so if you read like me, you'll finish the 1,100 pages of the spending bill (in the version I reviewed) by about March 2010, if you can maintain interest and stay awake. (Can't sleep? Read the stimulus package. Get it?) The bill was not read by most representatives and it's not hard to see why it--it's long and dry. Even the millions of dollars tossed happily about here and there are more depressing than encouraging.

A trimmer 407-page PDF of the American recovery and reinvestment act of 2009 is available at Recovery. gov (after about five picks). It breaks into two divisions with a total of 23 titles. Let's see, is there something for farmers? Check. For financially irresponsible states? Check. Global warming? Check. Medical device manufacturers? Ah, not exactly. But read closely and you may find a few thin veins worth mining.

For example, Division A, Title 2 looks promising. It's called Commerce, Justice, Science and Related Agencies, Department of Commerce. What do lawmakers consider "science"? Well, they have ladled out a whopping $1 billion to the Census Bureau, $650 million for digital-to-analog TV converter boxes, and a somewhat paltry $90 million in outreach grants to educate vulnerable population segments. That last item might be useful. There should be demographic groups--baby boomers for one--that would be better off if properly educated about your products.

Another possibility for medical test ...