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[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]
When I was 8 years old, I was molested by a friend's stepfather. I told my mother--who was raising me by herself--and we took him to court, and he was sent to prison. I think those events are part of what started my downward spiral. I became sexually active at 14, because I thought having sex would mean a man cared for me.
I clearly remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I had just finished middle school in Evanston, Illinois--a suburb of Chicago--and I was at nay friend's house, lying on my side on her pullout couch. I was really skinny back then, but I could feel my belly bulging a little bit. It dawned on me that I hadn't gotten my period lately. I couldn't afford a pregnancy test, so out of desperation, I stole one. When I saw the positive sign, I was devastated. The lather, a 15-year-old guy who lived nearby, was only the second guy I'd slept with. We'd been dating for a couple of mouths, and he was so scared when I told him.
It took me nearly two weeks to tell my morn, but when I did, she was very loving. She told me it was my choice--I could have an abortion, put the child up for adoption, or keep it.
I decided to have an abortion. I recall being terrified sitting in the clinic with my mother. The nurse called me into an exam room, and 30 minutes later, she told me that the anesthesiologist hadn't shown up. If I had the procedure, I'd have to be awake for it. So I made my way out. As I did, I saw several girls lying in hospital beds crying.
Those images stuck with me. In the weeks that followed, my mom made three different appointments for me to go back to the clinic, but I never kept them. Eventually, I told her that I wanted to keep the baby.
Rumors spread quickly at school when I began showing. I knew people were talking about me, and I suspected that my friends' parents didn't want me around their kids anymore. I felt so isolated and scared. The only two people I'd hang out with were my younger sister and my best friend (my boyfriend and I had broken up). Instead of going to regular high school during the day, I took classes at a school for pregnant teens. I actually got better grades than before I was pregnant because I spent so much time alone.