Ask him anything: advice from our guy guru, Jonathan Small.(Love & Lust)

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QUESTION: My boyfriend and I live on opposite coasts. His roommate is moving out, and it looks like the room will be rented to a girl. I found a picture online, and she's really pretty, plus my boyfriend says she has "a great personality." I'm nervous about her--should I tell him I'd rather he not live with her?

ANSWER: If your guy had any interest in this woman, I don't think he would have told you anything positive about her. He would have said that she was okay or he hadn't gotten much of an impression of her or something else noncommittal. Instead, he told you that the girl is cool ... and his honesty is a great sign.

That said, I completely understand why you're weirded out. Long-distance relationships often cause every little bump in the road to be magnified a zillion times: If he's not home when you call, you assume he's out cheating. If he doesn't tell you that he loves you before hanging up the phone, you fear he's losing interest. And his having a female roommate could be tough to accept even if you did live in the same area.

So while you probably have nothing to worry about, you are within your rights to tell him how you feel but not to demand he not live with her. Say that the situation makes you "uncomfortable" (it's a good neutral word), and tell him why so he can reassure you. Then if he does decide to live with her, make sure you get to know her on your next visit. You'll feel a whole lot better once she stops being your boyfriend's beautiful, mysterious roommate and starts being the chick who leaves clumps of disgusting hair in his shower drain.

QUESTION: I find it hard to climax from intercourse alone, but my boyfriend gets defensive and will not assist me in finishing after he has gotten off. In addition, he hardly ever pays attention to me during foreplay".but loves it when I take care of him. He doesn't seem to realize that it's also hurting my feelings, which is making the sex worse. How can I make him less selfish?

ANSWER: I'm with you on this one: Your boyfriend is acting like a jerk. Nevertheless, try looking at it from his point of view. He probably feels like he doesn't measure up sexually because he can't get you off--hence the defensiveness.