Ask him anything: advice from our guy guru.(Love & Lust)

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

QUESTION: I'm often called cute but never hot My guy friends tell me there's a difference, but they're vague about what it is. I've been having a dry spell, dating-wise, so I'm starting to think that cute is a bad thing and I may need to change something. So what does cute really mean?

ANSWER: First of all, when a guy says a girl is hot, he's thinking of her only in sexual terms, and he may even assume that she's more likely to go home with him than the average gal is. That's why it's rare for a guy to tell a woman she's hot to her face--unless he's plastered. It's a word dudes use with each other when describing girls.

In addition, guys don't use the word cute the same way girls do. Bunny rabbits, pictures of Brad Pitt holding one of his 37 kids, and killer jeans are cute to girls. But when guys say a gift is cute, it carries more weight and can mean a whole bunch of great things: that she's sweet, caring, long-term-relationship material, and yes, totally attractive.

Maybe the reason you're struggling to meet guys is because you're hanging around in spots where dudes are looking for hot girls to hook up with, rather than cute girls to date. So instead of trying to pull off a look and attitude that aren't really you, concentrate on playing to your strengths. Spend less time hoping to meet people at bars or clubs and more time, say, in intramural sports leagues or doing online dating--in other words, places where cute isn't a four-letter word.

QUESTION: My boyfriend and I sometimes role-play when we have sex. I'm all for it, but lately, I've been bothered because he always wants to pretend that I'm younger than I am (nothing demented, but a legal teenager). Does this mean he has a thing for younger women and will eventually think I'm too old?

ANSWER: Look, part of the excitement of role-playing is that you're being someone else--otherwise, it would be called you playing. It's perfectly normal and healthy to fantasize in the bedroom, so there's nothing wrong with your guy digging the barely legal routine.