Ask him anything: advice from our guy guru, Jonathan Small.(Love & Lust)

Q My guy is always the one who initiates sex, and he's starting to think I'm not attracted to him. But I'm just shy. How can I signal that I want to do it without doing something embarrassing?

A When you make a habit of having sex without making the other person work for it, that person gets lazy. Typically, that person is called a man. But you're not lazy ... or a man, I presume. So you need to buildup some confidence. Think about what you're like when you're having sex. Are you shy or are you in the moment? My guess is that you don't get embarrassed then because you're too busy getting off. So channel that feeling right from the start. You don't have to get crazy--a nibble on the ear a doe-eyed gaze, or a prolonged hug can do the trick.

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QUESTION: I started dating this guy a couple of months ago, but he broke up with me after three weeks. Ever since then, we've been acting like a couple, and he says he's in love with me. But he also says he doesn't want a girlfriend because of "rules" he has for himself. What's his deal?

ANSWER: Actually, this guy has only one rule: "I refuse to put myself in a position in which I can't sleep with whomever I want."

Here's what's really happening: He wants all the advantages of having a steady girlfriend (regular sex, companionship, love), but he doesn't want to make any of the sacrifices that go along with it. Since you're not technically together, it means that he's not technically cheating if he's lucky enough to find another girl who'll fall for his line of BS.

And you're enabling this behavior. If that's because you secretly like having the freedom to date other people too, then go for it. It's called having an open relationship, and some couples are into that. If, however, you want your guy to commit to you and no one else, then it's time to give him an ultimatum. Tell him that you have rules too, and one of your rules is to be in the kind of committed relation--ship you want and deserve. Then he can decide whether he wants to man up and accept all the responsibilities that come along getting to be your boyfriend.