Carmageddon on Capitol Hill.(NEWS)

Byline: Dutch Mandel

HOW CAN YOU NOT WATCH with morbid fascination the systematic vivisection Wash-ington's politicos have undertaken on the bodies representing the Detroit Three and the UAW? It is theatera tragedy, a comedy and human interesttightly woven. The orchestra conductor is none other than senior U.S. Sen. Richard Shelby, R-Ala.

The proceedings disgust me because of two things: I am an unabashed and unashamed car enthusiast, and I am an enthusiast of the car business. It pains me to hear imbecilic representatives present themselves when a camera's on, speaking with the business insight, intelligence and lucidity of a mollusk.

It pains me, too, that the greater population of America doesn't feel as I do.

This assessment comes from national polls asking whether car companies should be "bailed outmuch different from their request for low-interest loans. The people's response is overwhelmingly against.

Could this be a knee-jerk reaction to getting hornswoggled by the bank boys, whose nearly $1 trillion gift sailed through with nary a hiccup, a caveat or an accounting asterisk? Probably so, and thus it comes to kicking car companies when they're down. Lower on the approval scale than the current administration and Congress are car salesmen, and these men, after all, are their leaders.

Then there is Shelby himself. That he has not contemplated how a Detroit Three bankruptcy would adversely affect his state's constituents is unfathomable. Alabama is home to (nonunion) automotive manufacturing plants from Mer-cedes, Hyundai, Toyota and Honda, as well as many suppliers. There are 468 Alabama Automotive Manufacturers Association members. The state says 48,000-plus jobs are directly related to the car industry. If Shelby thinks jobs in his state will increase with a Detroit Three meltdown, he must rethink that position. General Motors has 1,300 suppliers, many of which also supply companies in Shelby-ville. Should GM go Tango Uniform, chances are great ...