Guy confessions: men admit to their dirtiest deeds and most shameless scams ever.

Don't Quit Your Day Job ...

"I had worked at the same company for a while and was ready to make a change. When I saw an ad for an opening that sounded like it was up my alley, I e-mailed my application materials to the default address listed. I didn't hear anything back. Two days later, a group of my coworkers approached me, laughing. I could see one holding my resume and cover letter. Apparently, it was a well-known fact that one of my peers was leaving our company, and they had posted the job opening ... which I'd responded to. I looked like a complete moron, not to mention the fact that word got out that I was job hunting."--Max, 28

Cock-a-Doodle ... Dude

"After last call on a night when I'd gone barhopping with a large group of people, we were famished. I saw a sign that had a picture of a big rooster on it and remembered it was this awesome fried-chicken joint I'd heard about. Sol rounded up everyone and led them into the establishment. The place had darkened windows, making it impossible to see the interior from outside ... which is why it was a huge surprise when we walked in and found half-naked men dancing in strobe lights and fog machines. One of the dudes I was with was approached by a guy, who said, 'Hey there, honey, interested in a lap dance?' It turns out, I'd actually led everyone into a gay bar, and the chicken outside symbolized a certain male body part. To this day, they still give me grief about my 'favorite late-night spot.'"--Sean, 25

Puppy Love

"The first time my girlfriend met my parents, she was ridiculously nervous about making a good impression. We went to their house for brunch and my parents seemed to like her, so I thought things were going really well. Everything was perfect, until we were getting ready to leave. We were all standing in the front hallway of my house, which has a big landing up above it. While she was in the middle of thanking my room, my girlfriend suddenly jolted away and started feeling her head. I glanced over, and there was liquid running down from her hair to her neck. We looked up, and my dog, who was on the landing, had lifted his leg and was peeing down onto my girlfriend. She was completely humiliated, and I spent the car ride home trying to hold back my laughter and tell her it wasn't so bad."--Erick, 28

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