Ask him anything: advice our guy guru, Jonathan Small.(LOVE AND LUST)(Column)

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[Q] When we met, my boyfriend was a virgin ... but I wasn't. Now he fears that his curiosity about other women will make him cheat. I suggested we have a threesome, and he thinks it's a great idea. But what if he likes her better than me?

[A] No offense, but that was a bonehead move; of course he thinks it's a great idea! That's like offering a gambling addict three nights in Vegas in the hopes that it will satisfy his cravings. If anything, a threesome will make your guy want a moresome.

I do appreciate his honesty--most dudes would never admit that they're curious about sex with other women--but you're acting like his concerns are legit. News flash: All men--late-blooming virgins, crazed sex addicts, happily married retirees--are curious about sex with other women. So it sounds to me like he's using the virgin routine as an excuse to cheat. And frankly, it's a little manipulative. One gives up sex with other people in exchange for things like intimacy, affection, and love. He can't have his cake and screw it too.

The point is, maybe your guy just isn't ready to be serious. Timing means a lot. So sit down with him, and talk about what you both want out of your relationship. Because if you're considering having a threesome to keep him happy and loyal, even though it makes you sad and nervous, he's not giving you what you need ... and deserve.

[Q] The other morning, my guy and I were having sex. I finished, but I was so exhausted that I lied and told him we had to stop to get to work. How Mg a deal is it for a man when he doesn't finish?

[A] I'm not gonna lie: it can be pretty unpleasant. I'm no doctor, but I believe the technical medical term for the discomfort it causes is blue balls. That said, nobody ever died from it (what an awful way to go), and there's certainly no law against stopping if you're no longer in the mood. Plus, the reason you gave for terminating the session, whether that really was the reason or not, no doubt made sense to your boyfriend. Men respond much better to logical arguments than we do to emotional ones.