Living without a mother's love: despite her mom's unbelievable cruelty, this author found a way to survive and build a life for herself.(REAL-LIFE READS)

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

* Most women have struggled with their mothers at some point. But my fights with my mother weren't just over unmade beds or broken curfews. They were personal, brutal, and about my dreams for a life that was far better than the one she could provide.

I wanted what most young women want: a cute apartment, a cool career, and the cash and freedom to travel. I wanted to run from the existence my mother had settled for: life in a noisy two-bedroom apartment in Queens, New York, that was filled with cigarette smoke and bitterness. My mother saw my ambition as a slap in her face. "You're a snob," she'd say when I told her about a book I was reading that I thought she'd like. Her antagonizing refrain was "Who do you think you are?" She'd punctuate it with a look of disgust and a drag on her cigarette.

As a teenager, I was jealous of friends who were close with their mothers. Some late nights, I'd take a chance and tell my morn about a crash I had. She'd be the best listener in the world. But when we fought the next day, she'd hurl my secrets back at me, reveling in the hurt look on my face. Finally, I decided I would never depend on her--or anyone else--for anything.

When I was 18, our brittle relationship reached a tipping point. It started innocently enough: Early one Sunday morning, I asked nay mother to stop rummaging through my closet. She flew into a rage, screaming at me to pack up all my things and get out of her ...