Ask him anything: Advice from our guy guru, Jonathan Small.(LUST AND LOVE)

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Q Recently, I've been meeting a lot of great guys with whom I've hit it off really well. But I keep finding out that they're taken. Why do I seem to attract men already in relationships, and how can I tell early on if there's someone else?

A You say that you're attracting men in relationships, but maybe you are attracted to men in relationships. It's quite a coincidence that every guy you connect with just happens to be taken, and something tells me there's a part of you that's turned on by it. Maybe you like the challenge. Maybe you think they're safe. Or maybe you're not ready to be in a serious relationship, so you seek out guys who already are.

But I could be wrong. There could be something about you that catches the eye of men with girlfriends. Are you a huge flirt? Do you tend to come on strong? Because when a taken man whom you barely know tells you that he likes you, he's probably not after a relationship that'd last longer than one night. In other words, these guys may think of you as easy and disposable.

There's no surefire way to know if a guy is taken because he could always be lying. But if you subtly broach the issue, chances are, he'll fess up ... or at least become visibly uncomfortable. If he's with a group of people, have a married friend say, "You're all so cute. I'll bet none of you are single!" Or reveal a nickname people have for you--if it's Princess Xanax, make one up--then ask, 'M/hat does your morn call you? What about your girlfriend?" It's a little sneaky, but it should get the job done.

DUD DUDE

Q My boyfriend is so unimaginative, he thought it was a huge deal when he lit a candle once before sex. How can I show him that I'm up for anything and make him more aggressive?