Your office family. (identifying and changing maladaptive roles learned in childhood)

Every day at work is bring-your-family-to-work day. Just ask Camille Patterson, whose father -- or at least her memories of him -- commuted alongside her for years. And when they got to work, Patterson's father undermined her performance.

Her father had left her mother when Patterson was 14. "He cut me off," she says. The 34-year-old marketing communications manager had felt so much pain over what she perceived as her father's rejection that years later -- in her professional life -- she "craved vast approval from men." Around her male bosses, Patterson became compliant. When her male boss played the tyrant and created a morale problem in her group, she bit her tongue, "subverting my own ideas and opinions," she says. Not being able to push for what her unit needed actually hurt her performance. Yet, in the past, she had formed strong, supportive relationships with bosses-when they were women.

Luckily for Patterson, a therapist who specializes in helping clients work through family issues helped her see how, at work still played her family role: the quiet, good girl seeking approval from Dad. "Now I'm starting to get away from my reverence for men as all-knowing creatures," she says. Today she goes for "respect instead of approval," and she gets what she needs.

Mothers like to come to work, too, especially when the boss is a woman. Carolyn Duff, author of When Women Work Together: Using Our Strengths to Overcome Our Challenges and cofounder of consulting firm WomenWorks, Inc., tells about her own early career conflict with a supervisor named Joyce Miller (not her real name). Miller tried to mentor Duff, but Duff fought her every inch of the way. For example, Miller suggested that Duff professionalize her appearance. "If Joyce said, `Your hair is too long,' I'd wear it even longer," says Duff. If Miller lowered a window shade, Duff would raise it again the instant Miller left the room.

Then, one day at home, Duff was talking about her boss and Duff's husband looked at her and asked, "Are you talking about Joyce or your mother?"

Duff realized that she had fallen into the rebel role she played in her family. Emotionally, she was still locking horns with her overbearing mother. While differences in appearance and style were vast between Miller and Duff's mother, Duff nevertheless rebelled against her boss just as she had against her mother.

Like Camille Patterson, Duff used her insights to solve the problem at work. "Literally the next day," Duff says, "I approached Joyce with a new attitude. I accepted her intentions as professionally motivated. I welcomed her critiques. I chose to see Joyce for who she was, and she became an important role model for me."

The Ties That Blind

We all bring our childhood family to work. People …