Forgiveness--almost unconditional.(MORE FROM DAN CLEARY)

Often, when assisting clients toward the changes they choose in life, the issue of forgiveness arises. The anger, regret, resentment, frustration, and even depression associated with the events of the past, may at times, seem difficult to release. The idea of "letting go" of the perceived slights of the past may infer that the client has been wrong in feeling that way, even though there was certainly physical and/or emotional violation associated with th e events. There is also the pattern or habit of having felt that way to consider.

Many people speak of synchronicity and the idea that there is purpose in all experience; there are no accidents. Within this approach there is no need for forgiveness, as all events are beneficial in the process of learning. Gratitude for the lesson may even seem appropriate when the lesson is recognized. However, the gulf between theory and practice often looms immensely.

We then return to the idea of forgiveness, and to be most effective, unconditional forgiveness would seem to be the desired awareness. Here we encounter the thought that we need not condone the act to forgive the effect and the person or persons responsible. This is especially true when the client is the person in need of forgiveness, even if only for carrying the emotions for so long.

When the clients recognize a need for forgiveness in their process, they may at first thought, feel that it is impossible to do so. One way of addressing this situation, that I have found effective, is to access forgiveness in the context of our work together. Ask if there is anything that the client can do today, while in session, to "get even", and the answer is usually that there is not. Then establish the time that you expect to work with them, whether a day or a week, or until the next session. ...