Caught in the cuddle trap? Sure, snuggling is cozy, but he thinks it's a poor substitute for sex. Ian Kerner, PhD, explains how you could be sucking the hot out of your relationship.(LOVE AND LUST)

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* When you first started dating your guy, you probably didn't need any prodding to get into the bedroom. In fact, you might have needed a five-alarm fire to get you out of the sack, thanks in large part to a surge of chemicals in the brain that keep new lovers turned on and tuned in to each other.

But 'after a few years, those lusty neurotransmitters stabilize, work and other responsibilities become a priority, and you settle into a comfy "attachment" stage. It's still physical, just more snuggling in front of the tube than tearing up the sheets. But as great as those cushy sessions on the sofa seem, they can provide a false sense of security about the health of your union.

It's a common situation I've seen in my nearly 10 years as a sex therapist, and I call it the cuddle Conundrum. You're cool with the laid-back intimacy, and you think he is too. After all, he's hardly complaining, and the sex is still good (when you have it). Thing is, a guy is hardwired to hanker for regular sex, even after the relationship has racked up mileage. But he won't broadcast his frustration for fear that you'll cut off the action completely.

And the longer the cuddlefest continues, the mole likely a man will look for thrills elsewhere: by watching porn, masturbating more frequently, flirting with other women, and in the worst-case scenario, cheating. But don't panic. Once you clue in to what's going on, you can inject sexual urgency and adventure back into your bond ... and cut off trouble at the pass.

Mixed Messages

At the root of the cuddle conundrum is a difference in the way men's and women's bodies function. A female has the hormone oxytocin coursing through her system, which is produced via touch and snakes her feel connected to her guy. Holding hands, hugging, even smelling him all pump up those levels, giving her a warm and contented feeling. Men, by comparison, produce little oxytocin (its primary function is to promote bonding as it's released during childbirth and breast-feeding), so a good cuddle just isn't going to cut it.