Ask him anything: advice from our guy guru, Jonathan Small.(LOVE AND LUST)

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Q I met this great guy on vacation, but he lives far from me. Well, I just lost my job so now seems like a good time to try a new city. When I told him though, he said I shouldn't move there for him. Does that mean he doesn't want to date me?

A No, it means he's being smart. Before you consider packing up, come down to Planet Earth for a sec. You don't really know this guy (a vacation fling does not a relationship make). You probably don't know much about the new city or its job market either. Plus, you have no friends, family, or support system there, so you're going with an expectation that it'll work out between you two.

Sure, it may still sound like a great plan to you, but from his perspective, it's not that appealing. First of all, he doesn't want to play personal travel guide, finding you a place to live, helping you make friends. I know, you're saying "I won't ask him to do that," but your mere presence alone will make him feel obligated. And neediness is not a desirable quality in a girlfriend.

Second, what if you move there, start dating him, and it doesn't work out? You'll regret the rash decision, and he'll feel like crap that you traveled all that way for him. He might even delay the breakup out of guilt. Do you really want to be that stray kitty he took in and now can't give away?

So here's a plan: Go visit the city for a long weekend, but don't stay with him. Explore the area (maybe with a friend) and decide if you can really see yourself living there--solo. At the same time, explore other areas and options. Of course, when you visit this guy's city, you can see him, but do it under the assumption that he does not want to date you. If after the weekend, you still want to move for a change of pace--and not him--then start packing.

Q I've been hanging out with this guy who has had a crush on me since college. Although we're not really dating, I decided to sleep with him, but he couldn't get it up. He blamed it on the beers he'd had, and I bought it. But a few days later, he chicks he's slept with didn't have this problem. So why is it an issue with me?