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1 Rehab centers should create a frequent-enroller program, and certain young starlets should sign up immediately.
2 What's with Tom Cruise marrying women who are 2 feet taller than he is? A reverse Napoleon complex?
3 The DMV employee who gave Nicole Richie a driver's license should be fired.
4 Michael Jackson's kids are going to write one helluva tell-all someday.
5 Matthew Perry and Jennifer Aniston should get married. They're both neurotic and funny... and there's their couple name: Periani.
[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]
6 Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell have had the Longest Engagement Ever. Maybe they should rethink the marriage thing? We liked John Stamos better anyway.