Grosser and grosser.(the bent pin)(offensive language in children's toy ads)

THE catalogue of suggested Christmas gifts I got last month was not from an Elvis-on-velvet outlet. The section of gifts for adults offered quality cameras and binoculars, and enough travel accoutrements and aquarium fixtures to place their targeted customers in the disposable-income/desirable-suburb class. And, to judge by the reading lamps, they are also what America boldly calls "the highly educated."

In other words, "nice" people. Or so I thought until I came to the section of gifts for children.

It starts out okay. There's a little weaving loom, a little pottery wheel, a little chemistry lab, even a little digital steering wheel with turn signals and gear box marked "12 months +" so suburban babies can get a head start on their licenses. There's still a doctor's kit, just as in my day, though the new one has a stethoscope with heartbeat and breathing sounds and "a pager that alerts you to emergencies." There's still an electric train, though it has lots more gizmos and sound effects, including "crew dialogue." But the newest item is the little ATM machine that does everything the real ones do and even has a security camera.

Practical, I thought approvingly. I was approaching that rare state known as a good mood when I turned the page.

"NEW! GROSS MAGIC! Magic isn't a pleasant parlor game anymore! Gross out your friends and family with twenty gross card tricks and more than forty revolting routines that use snot, slime, boogers, veins, cockroaches, squashed eyeballs, and even a toilet full of poo. They're all nauseatingly cool! Ages 8+."

"NEW! GROSSMASTER JOKE MACHINE! What's the difference between broccoli and a booger? Kids don't eat broccoli! This joke--and dozens more--will amuse and disgust your friends. Requires three AAA batteries (included). Ages 10+."

"NEW! YUCK SPECIMEN JAR! Get gross! Get disgusting! It's scientific! You can create slimy snot and slippery worms--or grow a gelatinous hand, brain, or ear inside the jar. And if you really want to get disgusting, grow your own bacteria. Gross, funny, and educational at the same time! Ages 8+."