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What your mom's comments mean: sometimes her statements are totally perplexing biting, or flat out irritating. So we decided to clear up a few things for you.(YOU YOU YOU)
* There tends to be a communication breakdown between mothers and daughters, says Deborah Tannen, PhD, author of the buzzed-about new book You're Wearing That? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation. So we had Tannen translate common (and confounding)"momspeak."
"Where did you buy that shirt?"
This most likely means: "That top isn't flattering--I wish you'd wear something else." "She's softening a negative point with vague phrasing," explains Tannen. But there's something deeper she probably won't own up to: When she homes in on your looks, your mom is also thinking about herself. "She assumes your appearance is a reflection on her," says Tannen, "so she wants to help you become someone she's happy with." Tell her you know she has great advice, but you have to express your own style.
Are you really that hungry?"
Four words: Put down the doughnut. Okay, this one's pretty obvious. "Unless she harps on your diet, this comment slipped out before she could censor it," explains Tannen. Her maternal instincts kicked in, and she's watching out for you. Let her know that while you know she has your well-being in mind, these statements make you uncomfortable.
"It's nothing. I don't want to bother you."
Your mom craves attention ... but doesn't want ...
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- Newspaper article from: The Washington Post Liza Mundy February 4, 1996 700+ words
...across the table from Shuy, the linguist and best-selling author Deborah Tannen. The round table at which we are seated was Tannen's suggestion. With a round table, Tannen pointed out, a conversation involving a group of people is more likely...
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- Magazine article from: Good Housekeeping Allen, Jennifer March 1, 2006 700+ words
...and Daughters in Conversation, Deborah Tannen, Ph.D., describes the intense...her home in suburban Virginia, Tannen answered questions and described...seem so complex and explosive? Deborah Tannen: Women talk more than men. Talk...
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- Magazine article from: O, The Oprah Magazine Medwick, Cathleen January 1, 2006 700+ words
...to throttle each other with the phone line. Linguist Deborah Tannen (You Just Don't Understand) has eavesdropped on...are also unnerved when the balance of power shifts. Tannen, herself the daughter of an exasperating mother, recommends...
