We wanted to be scared stiff, but we got stiffed instead.

Byline: Rene Rodriguez

Mar. 10--Horror movies are becoming so brutal and sadistic, they're almost no fun to watch anymore. I'm all for scary films that take themselves seriously, and I have little patience for that watered-down, PG-13 sissy stuff. But recent pictures like Hostel and Saw and even the excellent Wolf Creek end up depressing you more than anything else. And there are more than a few moments in The Hills Have Eyes where I sank into my seat, wincing at the depravity on the screen and thinking "Sheeesh."

Alexandre Aja, who directed the movie, would probably take that as a compliment. But this slick, sick remake of the 1977 Wes Craven cult shocker is more of a glum bummer than a horror show. You won't scream, but you'll definitely groan. Torturing the audience is not the same thing as scaring them, and I'm not sure Aja can tell the difference.

Or maybe he can, and he's just doing it on purpose. If that's the case, then mission accomplished. Faithfully duplicating the stop-and-start plot of Craven's original (the kind of movie that, when viewed today, doesn't live up to its legendary reputation), Hills centers on a family on a road-trip vacation stranded in the New Mexico desert after an accident. Miles away from civilization, the tourists don't realize they have wandered onto the turf of a tribe of mutant (and perpetually hungry) cannibals. But they're about to find out, of course. In the original Hills, Craven wanted to explore the savage depths so-called civilized people would descend to in order to defend themselves (at the time, the movie was read by some as an allegory for the post-Vietnam era and how that war affected the American psyche, which is a bit of a stretch, but the subtext is there if you want it). Aja also tries to give his version a whiff of thematic substance -- there is some fleeting discussion about peacenik Democrats versus gun-lovin' Republicans, and the mutants are victims of radiation fallout from the government's testing of nuclear bombs in the 1950s -- but it all feels rather obligatory and half-hearted. Hills is really about watching coddled city slickers, with their trendy iPods and comfortable Nikes and fancy cellphones, tapping into their primal natures and unleashing their inner Rambo. The first hour of the movie, during which the family members bond, bicker and start getting picked off in gruesome ways, ...