Opinion: On the Campaign Couch ... with JB.

Q: Clients moan about the various Christmas dos they have to go to with all their agencies. Should we buck the trend and do something in January or does this look like we're less dedicated than everyone else?

A: You must first understand the reason clients moan. If they truly resented the waste of time incurred in attending agency parties, they could politely decline: they'd forfeit nothing and might even earn a little surprised respect. The clue to their reason for moaning lies in the observable fact that almost all of it is done in the hearing of senior colleagues and members of their immediate family. They moan in the touching hope that their multiple party attendances will be seen by others as stoic acts of seasonal corporate duty. Naturally, this fools no-one but makes the clients feel very slightly better about themselves - that's why they always manage to stay right to the end of the parties they forced themselves to go to in the first place.

It is the fact of Christmas, and only Christmas, that makes this charade even theoretically plausible. So if you decided to defer your own party to January, you can expect to entertain a great many colleagues and members of the trade press - but absolutely no clients. The alternative, of course, is to rebrand your party and call it a seminar. That should work a treat.

I do hope all this excellent advice hasn't reached you too late.

Q: I know my boss is having an affair with my junior; I accidentally read some of their e-mails. I'm more attractive than my junior and have always fancied my boss but kept it to myself because I thought it would be unprofessional to encourage him. Now I'm sandwiched between them and feel really angry. Should I leave or steam in and replace her?

A: 'You see, m'lud, I accidentally stumbled on the secret combination for the company safe and then accidentally opened it. It was only after that nice police sergeant took up my floorboards and found the pounds 20,000 in used tenners that I'd accidentally hidden there that I realised what an accident-prone person I really was.'

When people describe themselves as attractive, my first instinct is to snap: 'To whom?' In the eyes of your boss, you're clearly less attractive than your junior. Your habit of accidentally reading other people's e-mails doesn't add to your allure. Nor does your anger. With whom, other than yourself, do you have good reason to be angry?