The Case Against Goats.

(From Vanguard (Nigeria) - AAGM)

Byline: Aig Imoukhuede

The notice that greets you as you enter the estate says:

"Straying of fowls, dogs and livestock on the Estate is strictly prohibited. Owners risk seizure and forfeiture".

It doesn't say whether a grand barbecue in an open field would follow the seizure and forfeiture of the livestock, with everyone invited. As you proceed further up the road it becomes clear that the unspecified "livestock" mentioned in the notice are mainly goats. There are no dogs in sight, and not enough fowls to be a nuisance.

It is a different matter with goats, five of whom decide to cross the road right in front of your car, causing you to stamp hard on your brakes. You take a good look at them, and decide that they are goats only by courtesy. If the reference books are to be believed, bona fide goats are "surefooted agile ruminant mammals that naturally inhabit rough stony ground in Europe, Asia and North Africa." These ones that you see before you naturally inhabit the highways and alleys of Nigeria, and frequently stray onto private residential estates. Some of them may be surefooted, but they are never agile when it comes to vacating the comfortable place they have staked for themselves in the middle of your driveway.

Take the one now …