A coalition of losers.(political parties)

CONSERVATIVES are patriotic, God-loving, and cheery. Liberals are meddlesome, secular killjoys.

Hey, don't take my word for it--I've got data to back me. The Pew Research Center for the People and the Press has released a big new report saying essentially just that. And, for a conservative, what can be more satisfying than learning that rigorous social science from a quintessential gitchy-goo outfit dedicated to Good Government & Other Nice Things confirms commonsense political stereotypes?

Obviously, you have to tease the data a bit, since Pew isn't much interested in declaring that the base of the Democratic party comprises precisely the sort of people who are most likely to ruin an interesting dinner conversation. But the numbers don't lie.

According to the study, "Beyond Red vs. Blue," the more pessimistic or cranky you are about America; the more you think the system's stacked against you; the more you think working hard is for suckers; the more you think only boobs fly the American flag; the more you believe religion's a waste of time--the more likely it is you're a Democrat.

Now, in this day and age when you're not supposed to speak in broad generalizations about any "class" of people, I must acknowledge that we are speaking in broad categories here. Obviously there are plenty of cheery, hardworking, flag-waving, devout Democrats out there. But they are the exceptions to the statistical rule.

Most interesting about the study is what it reveals about economic class in America. The stereotype perpetrated by generations of leftists is that the richer you are, the more conservative you are. Communists and most socialists say this is because we all vote our class interests. Liberals say this is ...