Close-Up: 24 Hours with ... Greg Gutfeld.(Maxim)

 
Name: Greg Gutfeld 
Job: Editor, Maxim 
Professional mission: Come up with a mantra 
Personal mantra: Must have professional mission 

At Dennis, publishers have offices. People like me have desks. Because mine is outside Bruce's door, strangers assume I'm his assistant. 'Hey, is Bruce in?' they ask. I smile, and say: 'Doesn't look like it, does it?' They say: 'Can you tell him I'm looking for him?' 'Sure.' I never do.

10.30am Bruce tells me I look great. It made my day!

11.00am At my desk reading proofs.There's something smelly in my waste bin. It's a sandwich. I eat too many sandwiches. My favourites: beef, red onion and dijon mustard, beef, salad and mustard mayo, beef and horseradish sauce and ham, pineapple and coleslaw.

12.45pm Fifteen minutes to kill before lunch. Time to Google the names of old girlfriends. I woke up last night thinking of one. Her name is Lisa. Or Linda. Last name is Lupchick, or Lipchick. I try Lisa Lipchick, Lisa Lupchick, then Linda Lipchick, then Linda Lupchick. What if she's dead? Weird to think you may have slept with a dead person. But I guess it's better than the opposite - her Googling you and you being dead. If you're dead, and you're Googled, do you feel it? Is ...