Resolve to ridicule.

I've made a New Year's resolution. Having recognized that fortifying myself to deny the siren songs of fattening comestibles and brown liquor will do nothing to win the War on Terror, I've resolved to do something more helpful to the effort on the home front: making fun of Islamic fanatics. We seem to have gotten lazy in the mockery department since the early days after 9/11, when the Onion ran its headline "Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell." Mocking the enemy may not hold a candle to shooting him, but we're constantly hearing about how we need to emphasize our "soft power" diplomatically and culturally. And besides, taking the fanatics seriously suggests we respect their perspective, which can only be a self-esteem boost for the bad guys.

What discourages many of us from mocking the if-I-only-Jihad-a-life crowd is the fear of offending good and decent Muslims in the process. This is a legitimate concern, but one would think they'd be more offended by their alleged co-religionists' cutting off heads, blowing up women and children, and talking like dateless losers who watched El Cid for the umptrillionth time on prom night. Indeed, the inability of these guys to get chicks is an important weapon in the rhetorical arsenal of democracy. Take this whole 72-virgins thing. Torqued-up young men who would otherwise have fake girlfriends in Canada are told they can get 72 real ones if only they blow themselves to bits. Well, according to the latest scholarship, a translation error centuries ago meant that the word for "grapes" or "white ...