Mother tongue.(The Stories of English)(Book Review)

The Stories of English, by David Crystal (Overlook, 584 pp., $35)

YOU are awfully lucky to be reading this page. I'm not referring to my review, for heaven's sake--I'm referring to the language. We are awfully lucky to have English, the richest, most useful, most delightful language on earth.

Now, it does not become a native speaker to say this--we should leave it to others. Just as President Bush, in my opinion, should leave it to others to declare America "the greatest nation on earth" (that's the president in his recent convention speech).

Fortunately, people all over the world celebrate English and America alike. (Some of them do it silently, or through gritted teeth.) Those who know an abundance of languages tend to declare English tops. The rest of us should simply be grateful. One of the most touching things about Norman Podhoretz's touching memoir, My Love Affair with America, is his repeated expression of gratitude for "having been born into the English language." (I might add that English has made out pretty well on that deal, too.)

At present, a billion and a half people speak English, this tongue that originated 1,500 years ago midst the weird tribes of the British isles. David Crystal knows the language, and the tribes, and the isles. He is one of the U.K.'s foremost linguists, and was, in fact, knighted in 1995 "for his services to the English language," as his bio says. The Stories of English must be his summa.

You will note the plural word in that title: "Stories." He makes a great fuss over this, saying that there are multiple--almost endless--stories, and that the diversity of English has been given short shrift in traditional histories, with their emphasis on the Standard (not a particularly favorable word in Crystal's vocabulary). In his Introduction--actually, Introductions--he says--over and over--that he is going to relate the real story (oops) of English, taking special care with "ethnic minorities and women." He writes of "Englishes," which, to me, sounds the same alarm as "musics"--yuck.

Not to worry: His Introductions, PC and self-pleased, are the most annoying parts of the book. There are practically no others. When Crystal gets down to work, he lays out a feast of history, erudition, stimulation, and provocation.