Glory, Glory, I've Been Fired!

Byline: William Dresser

If Donald Trump appeared on a French version of "The Apprentice" and yelled "You're fired!" the producers wouldn't need to hit the applause button. Everyone would already be clapping. Getting fired in France is like winning the lottery--a bonanza of state-sanctioned unemployment benefits and a fat bonus check from the company to boot.

An exec for a French fashion house, my wife is all too familiar with this jackpot mentality. Recently an employee in good standing confided that he yearned to leave the glam world of haute couture for the romance of making red wine in Bordeaux. To help support his entrepreneurial aspirations, he asked to be fired. My wife couldn't fathom why. For her, being fired was a mark of shame. But that was before she realized what "involuntary departure" was worth.

In France, apparently, it can guarantee an ex-employee nearly 60 percent of his salary for almost two years, paid by the government, plus (in many cases) six months' severance pay from the company. Wearied by the man's importunings and fearing sabotage during the Christmas rush, she finally gave in. Summoning up her best Trump manner, she pulled him into the board room and declared, "Tu es vire!" Whereupon the guy fell on his knees and pumped his fists like a soccer player who had just scored. Only later did my wife find that she needed to sell 600 additional shirts to cover his check--or drop the next month's advertising in Vogue.

A temp soon arrived to replace the fired worker and take over his window displays. But after 12 weeks she asked to be fired, too. Reason: she didn't feel like working anymore and, if fired, could collect a 10 percent bonus on her accumulated wages. This time, my wife ...