How to ace the first three dates: you know you're a catch--now help him figure it out. Here, advice on hooking him during critical early encounters.(Love And Lust)

* In the initial stages of dating, men can be as easily spooked as a horse in a field of firecrackers. So if you want him to stick around a bit, you have to impress him from the start. "On the first few dates, you're trying to see if you click," says Perry Buffington, PhD, author of Cheap Psychological Tricks for Lovers. "But even if he thinks you're terrific, her not going to come back for more if there's no spark." Never fear: We'll tell you how to pull off the first three outings with guy-mesmerizing gusto.

the first date

For most guys, date number one with a girl is kind bf like a lab experiment: Just like you, he wants to see if there's any chemistry. While pulling out all the stops to look your sexy best can't hurt, "he'll be even more attracted to you if your personalities mesh and the conversation is easy," says Carole Altman, PhD, relationship therapist and author of Don't Have Sex Until You Read Chapter 15. "If you're nervous and uncomfortable, it'll read as insecurity, which is a total turn-off."

To ensure you come off like the cool, confident chick you are, try to keep your expectations in check. "Don't walk into a date hoping to meet your next long-term boyfriend," says Josey Vogels, sex columnist and author of Dating: A Survival Guide >From the Frontlines. "That puts a lot of pressure on the night and can make you incredibly anxious." Think of the guy as a potential new friend, not a potential husband, and you'll be able to put things into perspective and relax.

Since you're both just looking to have fun, steer clear of buzz-killing topics of conversation. He's not itching to hear about your psycho ex or latest family drama. "I went out with this girl who seemed fun when I met her, but on our date, she complained about her job the whole time," says James *, 30. "She was way too much of a downer, so I never called her again."

While you're wondering if your charm is working, he's trying to figure out if you find him foxy too. So if you do, clue him in with some simple flirting. Beyond such basics as making eye contact and smiling, touch him gently in nonsexual zones like his hand or his arm. "You're setting up a physical connection without sending out let's-get-it-on signals," says Buffington.

It helps to boost his confidence too. "I love it when a girl tells me I have a nice smile or a good sense of humor," says Luke, 28. So if you find him funny and fascinating, throw out a compliment or just laugh at his jokes. Don't go overboard with the gushing though. Guys still love the thrill of the chase.