Close-Up: On the Campaign Couch ... with JB.

Q: I'm a client and the finance director at my agency has told me I've got to fork out more money to pay Basbof to allow the ad industry self-regulation. To be honest, the matter is of little importance to me. Why should I pay it?

A: Well, of course you needn't. As I'm sure you already know, if you get the timing right, you can always slip through a revolving door on someone else's push. I bet that sets you up for a whole day. Almost as good as finding a vacant parking meter with someone else's quid still on the clock.

And wasn't that you I saw last weekend in a Disabled Only bay at Tesco?

This is your favourite poem: 'The rain it raineth every day/Upon the Just and Unjust feller/But more upon the Just because/The Unjust hath the Just's umbrella.' You much enjoy the sight of the Just getting wet because that's exactly what they are, you think.

You pride yourself on being smart. And you despise all those who aren't smart; who stand their round when it's their turn and agree to pay the Basbof levy.

You're right, of course: self-regulation - and therefore your continued freedom to advertise responsibly - won't be seriously threatened by your own tacky little decision. Somebody else's umbrella will still see you covered. It's just that if everybody decided to be as smart as you, I don't suppose you'd think that smart at all.

Q: There seems to be an almost frenzied interest in virals at the moment. Aren't these spots merely an opportunity to get a knob/animal cruelty joke past the regulators?