Close-up: On the Campaign Couch ... with JB.(Jeremy Bullmore )(Interview)

Q: I'm a newly appointed marketing director who wants to set a review in motion. The problem is that my company has a bad reputation among the ad community and it has only itself to blame. Not only have we treated agencies badly but have changed them more often than I change my underpants. How can I convince any half-decent agency to pitch for our account?

A: If Mick Jagger asked ten ad agencies to compete for the chance to marry him, nine would say yes. Not because their minds were immobilised by such proximity to fame but because most ad agencies have a capacity for self-deception that borders on the mystical. However besmirched a reputation your company may possess, you'll find no shortage of agencies prepared to pitch for your business. They blame your company's serial infidelities not on the company itself but on its last five self- evidently inadequate paramours. In a triumph of autosuggestion over commonsense, they know that they, alone, can turn your company into a faithful and appreciative partner.

So your real problem is not how to attract the interest of a few half- decent agencies; it's to convince the world that things are different.

Which leads me to ask you this: if you're so utterly determined to change the reputation of your company from multiple adulterer to Steady Eddie, then why is your first move as the new marketing director to call an agency review?

The agency you inherited will be desperate to keep your business. Before they have a chance to demean themselves by showering you with social invitations, firing their perfectly adequate account handler and disowning their own strategy, tell them to cool it. Tell them they have at least six months without hint of threat or competition. They will respond with gratitude and manic commitment.

Do not give self-serving interviews to the trade press. Decline to view those competitive showreels kindly proffered by agency consultants. Do not even have lunch with that agency planner who helped you so much in your last job.

Where trust and good humour exist, an excellent client ...