In her husband's family: a newly wed woman's expectations and her new family's attitudes in rural Assam, India.

Introduction

Until recently, living in a joint family system was typical among Hindus and members of other religious groups in India. Living in an extended joint family was also a common practice. However, joint family groups and extended joint family living are now relatively rare, due to India's economic and social developments over the past four decades or so. Currently, the most common family arrangement is that of the nuclear family, comprised of a father, mother and their children. In rural areas, this nuclear family unit operates within a number of more traditional expectations and arrangements, however. Within a rural Hindu family, for example, a woman's status varies according to factors such as her age, her marital status, her relationship to different members of her family, her ability to bear children and her status as a mother. A young, newly wed woman may be treated differently by her in-laws than by her own parents; a young widow living in her husband's family may be treated differently by her new family than she would be were her husband still alive; a daughter-in-law from a poor family may be received differently than she would be received were she from a wealthier family. Similarly, a young unmarried woman living with her natal family may face a degree of hostility from a stepmother that she would not face from her natural mother.

The Data

This essay depicts a composite picture of the daily life of a young, newly wed woman living in rural Assam, particularly in the former Barpeta subdivision and the Kamrup district, during the period from the 1960's to the 1980's. The scenario I offer is based on my own personal experience and information gathered from interviews I conducted with thirty women and more than forty-eight men from Bhawanipur, Kalbari, Sarupeta and Kordoiguri in the North, Bajali and Tihu in the East, Sundaridia and Barpeta in the South, Sarbhog and Abhayapuri in the West, as well as other locations. Some of the women interviewed are sisters-in-law of my kinfolk and others of rural fraternity. Some of the males were my age, while others were elderly but quite receptive to speaking with me. The discussions were conducted in complete privacy, often without the aid of pen and paper. Many of the details the interviewees recount of family life reflect those of more traditional Indian arrangements, customs and practices. One exception is that many young, newly married women no longer tend to conceive children immediately. This may be due to the use of condoms and other contraceptive devices, information about and availability of which has been provided by the State and the Central Departments of Health and Family Welfare. A young woman must garner the permission of her husband in order to use contraceptives, however, and, typically, the discussion of such intimate matters is rare between husband and wife in many rural areas.

The following two tables show the way in which the thirty young, married women regard the way in which the members of their new family received them. They are documented with three parameters: normal, unusual and irritating. 'Normal' is taken as the day-to-day behaviour and talking terms in a family and 'unusual' reflects a new set of conduct designed at alienating the newly wed daughter-in-law in her new family. Normal refers to an unbiased attitude whereas unusual involves a biased stance. The husband's reception to his wife is attributed to 'unusual' because of his neutral gesture and inability to exercise his authority to safeguard his wife.

How was it possible for me to conduct these interviews? My status as brother-in-law was most often an advantage, since it is common for family members of different genders to talk by the hearth over tea. In one case, I met with the woman only once, due to suspicious looks I received from the woman's brother- and sister-in-law. In another case, it proved more comfortable and easier for me to interview a woman at her father's residence, as a guest in his home. To my trepidation, two women in different interviews spoke angrily and loudly without concern and within earshot of other family members. In five of the cases, the women's families, especially mothers-in-law, sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law, regarded me with much hostility. These five women cautioned me not to discuss their grievances with them: they claimed that, given the lack of security and support offered by their husbands, they were alive because of the love and affection they received from their fathers-in-law and grandmothers-in-law. Further, a few women, in tears, referred me to their mothers for information about their lives, and the mothers answered my questions without hesitation. I was able to observe two cases nearly everyday, ...