Just Gay Enough.(the "metrosexual" is the new guy on the block)(Column)

"I know what a duvet is, for god's sake." He muttered this in shame. Summoning up his courage--at least six beers' worth--he gushed out what was really bothering him. "We're a generation of men raised by women!"

Hear the cry of the all-American heterosexual male, who's at a bit of a loss these days. Apparently it's not enough anymore to drink Bud, weigh 250 pounds, grow body hair, make sexist jokes and cook exclusively on a grill, if he cooks at all. A new species of man has emerged, the so- called metrosexual.

You may have read about him in the New York papers. He gets manicures and pedicures on Saturday nights; he shops till he drops; he conditions his curls, and he watches "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"--the TV hit wherein five gays make over average Sloppy Joes--and actually picks up its tips.

This metrosexual may be the new guy on the block, but I think I've always mixed a little metro with my hetero. After all, I'm British, which means I am begrudgingly somewhat European. (In America, there's an old standard that women ask themselves when sizing up a guy: "Is he gay--or just Euro?") I treat ladies with respect, wear sandals and necklaces in the summer, like to cook and shop at H&M. Many male friends remain skeptical. One recently eyed my trousers and said: "Malcolm, those pants are sooooo gay. If you were president, you'd be Gaybraham Lincoln!" But let's face facts: New York women are starting to nix the Neanderthals for the metromen. These days, it seems, macho is out and JGE is in. Just so you know, that's short for Just Gay Enough.

Personally, I predict it will all backfire pretty soon. As I see it, there's a fine line between JGE and JG--Just Gay. Yes, it's nice to groom well. Yes, clothes are cool. But what kind of woman is going to pick a long-term partner who spends more time and money looking good than she does? Worse, the hard-core metrosexual focuses on the worst attributes ...