DIARY: Bates' Sporting Knife fires a parting shot of classical proportions.

Sad to see that the imminent demise of Bates UK, currently undergoing death by a thousand cuts at WPP's hands, has also put paid to The Sporting Knife - the scandal sheet that's been helping keep staff peckers up while they await either a new job or a P45.

As you'd expect, there's no shortage of targets for a shaft of cold steel between the shoulder blades. You just have to hope that the depiction of Bates' new owner 'Mr Sorrell' on the front cover as the Grim Reaper won't prove to be a slight too far.

First up for assassination are those clients who recently rushed for the exit. In a section entitled 'Fuck 'em', one advertiser is described as 'a complete joke of an organisation who couldn't organise their way out of a postbag'.

A second is called 'an outdated excuse for a retail outlet selling cheap tat and overpriced CDs to grotkids and single mothers'.

And a third is brutally dismissed as 'an absurd excuse for a TV company with less class than an Australian stag do'. So no hard feelings then.

This is followed by a looting guide, which helpfully informs all the company thieves what they might get down Brick Lane for their Bates memorabilia.

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