Catch the Vibe: Chuck, Arnold, me, and everyone else.

Charlton Heston is one of the world's great squinters. Years ago, as a very young television writer, I found myself on the receiving end of one of his most squinched-up expressions.

We were at some charity event, I think. I can't remember exactly why I was there, but at the time I was 23 and had about $350 in the bank, so whatever reason I had, it wasn't a very good one. But there was Heston, holding a glass of white wine and squinting across the crowd, so I marched over and introduced myself. I opened with a little joke.

"Mr. Heston," I said, "I just want to introduce myself. I'm a Republican too, and I guess if a bomb dropped on this room tonight, there wouldn't be any conservatives left in Hollywood. I mean, you and I are the only Republicans around, I think." Weak laugh from me; vaguely mirthful squint from him.

"Well," he squinted, "there are plenty of Republicans in Hollywood, but there aren't too many conservatives."

I had only been in Hollywood a few months, and I was still struggling with sensory overload, so I didn't really hear his words. I could only watch his eyes narrow and his lips move soundlessly. The only voice I heard was my own, rattling around inside my head: Holy smokes, I'm talking to Charlton Freakin' Heston! His head is, like, huge. I guess all movie stars have big heads. And he talks just like you'd think Charlton Heston would. He's like . . . the thinking man's William Shatner. Hey, what's he squinting at?

Later, driving home in my smoking and squeaky Subaru, I suddenly thought to myself, Wait a minute. There's a distinction between being a Republican and being a conservative?

That was years ago, of course, and I've gotten a lot smarter since then. But that still seems to me to be a curious distinction to make, out here on the edge of the Pacific. I understand the philosophical differences, naturally. And I grasp the finer categorical reasons why certain conservatives don't rightly cotton to certain Republicans, but, I mean, come on. Out here in Hollywood, you could squeeze the whole group of us -- Republicans, conservatives, gun nuts, whatever -- into one or two of those gas-guzzling monster SUVs. We could drive around town like circus clowns in a VW, stopping at various points of interest -- the Reagan Library, the Nixon Library, the . . . well, did I mention the Reagan Library? -- piling out to stand in a group, squinting into the sun like our Great Leader.