A 'Genuine' Identity Crisis.(fake ID accepted in secure buildings in Manhattan)(Column)

The man with the allied security arm patch wanted to see my identification. In New York, the city with the hole where the World Trade Center stood, a guy with an Allied Security patch, or some other real-looking imitation police badge or uniform, always wants to see my identification.

Identification has become one of the great public annoyances of New York. To non-Americans, showing identification may not sound like a big deal. But we Americans pride ourselves on free movement. Alas, thanks to guys with the "Allied Security" patches, the fake badges and the low hourly wages, the expression, "Lemme see some ID" has replaced "Go to hell!" as the most commonly heard words in Manhattan.

I, for one, am fighting back against the incursions of what I call the Security Guard State. Fed up with the constant demand to proffer identification, I bought a fake ID--the same kind I bought when I was 16 so I could drink in bars--from some guy named Vladimir in Times Square. Vlad's command of English was limited to the words "sign here" and "40 dollars," but he produced the fake in seconds. At first glance, it resembled a real driver's license--if your first glance is taken when you're drunk. Sure, it says New York on it. And it has an "expiration date" of Dec. 31, 2006. It has my sex, my hair and eye color, my height (I lied; I ain't 6 feet 2) and my weight (only 170 pounds? As if!) It has my Social Security number (the wrong one, of course). It even has a hologram like a government-issued card--except when held up to the light, it does not reveal a three-dimensional image of New York state but merely the word genuine. In my experience, items that brag about being "genuine" tend not to be.

My favorite thing about my "genuine" fake ID card is the fine print on the back that (if anyone bothered to look) fully discloses the ...