Words of Driving Wisdom.(News)(the Teachers' Insurance Plan issues tips on safe driving)(Column)

Byline: Dutch Mandel

Summer's first salvo-the Memorial Day weekend-can inspire thoughts of cathartic car trips to grandma's house or carcinoma-laden jaunts to the beach. Ah, yes: relaxing behind the wheel, nary a care in the world, allowing your mind to wander and enjoying the open road.

I like to think of this long weekend, however, as the automotive equal to the opening of deer season. We arm too many people with deadly weapons-cars-they are not equipped to handle. Those who go through hunter safety courses are better prepared to handle their weapon than is the average driver prepared to operate their car.

The Teachers' Insurance Plan aims to make sure drivers around the country, no matter their level of driving acumen, drive safely and sanely. TIP has issued nifty driving safety tips that you would think any sentient, air-breathing biped would recognize as self-evident. Evidently, this is not the case. So here are TIP's tips, though we've yanked the hand brake and put on our own spin.

Pay Attention. Now there's an idea. The TIP survey shows 76 percent of all respondents admit to doing things that distract them from their primary driving task. Among them is reading (32 percent), talking on their cell phone (29 percent) and combing hair (17 percent). Other less obvious but also socially and statistically significant distractions while behind the wheel include donning leather camisoles (22 percent), performing emergency self-diagnosed appendectomies (9 percent) and llama grooming (4 percent). Don't ask.

Know Where You're Going. It seems more than a few American drivers get in their cars, crank the ignition and wander aimlessly for a good portion of their waking hours. People, don't do this. Know Where You're Going. And as you go, remember the immortal words spoken in the seminal movie, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: Across the 8th Dimension, "Wherever you go, there ...