O, The Oprah Magazine articles from February 2005

O, The Oprah Magazine archives from February 2005

We hear you! "When Gay Men Happen to Straight Women" rang a loud, clear bell with readers--as did Martha Beck's gone-fishing tactics, Valerie Monroe's ode to the Son King, notes from a best friendship, and more....(letters)
February 1, 2005... "When Gay Men Happen to Straight Women" [by Aimee Lee Ball, December] really hit home for me. After being married to a "straight" man--who is now living an openly gay lifestyle--for 25 years and raising two children with him, I closely...

Got love?(here we go)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... THIS MONTH WE'RE TALKING LOVE in all its permutations. If you're coupled (happily or otherwise), single (newly or perpetually), or vacillating between either of the above, you've come to the right place. "Still Happy After All These Years"...

The subject is love.(Calendar)
February 1, 2005... February [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] [TABLE OMITTED] [TABLE OMITTED]

Dr. Phil's top ten ground rules for long-term loving: note to college sweethearts, newlyweds, committed couples, and anyone who's ever hoped for a lasting love connection: memorize this list. Put it on your iPod. Needlepoint it on your pillow. Now go forth and be happy ever after.(tell it like it is)
February 1, 2005... RELATIONSHIPS ARE COMPLEX equations involving many variables, but when you break them down into their simplest elements, the formula becomes pretty straightforward: The quality of a relationship is a direct function of the extent to which it...

Suze Orman: "taking shortcuts with business planning will ultimately damage the most precious jewel you have: your friendship"; Launching a small business ... a vacation home versus the kids' college fund ... and an ex who hexes your credit.(financial freedom)
February 1, 2005... Q My friend and I are starting a jewelry business. We've been buying amazing vintage jewelry cheaply and selling it for more; we've also begun to design some pieces of our own. We have our first bunch ready to go, and we've made business cards...

Love's exquisite freedom.(live your best life; poem)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... Love arrives; and in its train come ecstasies old memories of pleasure ancient histories of pain. Yet, if we are bold love strikes away the chains of fear from our souls. We are weaned from our timidity. In the flush of love's...

Inventing the Rest of Our Lives: Women in Second Adulthood.(GOOD POINT)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... Now the last frontier is before us--the grandma assumption. In our mothers' generation the conventional wisdom was that once a woman reached the change of life, her life stopped changing. What she had not done by 50, she would never do. What...

Charity begins in the home page.(A SITE TO SEE)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... Ever wonder when you write a check to your favorite charity how much of your money actually makes it to those in need? Give to donorschoose.org, and every last penny goes to an underfunded public school classroom. Charles Best, a 29-year-old...

Singing out: Bonnie Raitt on joining forces with 26 other major musicians (McCartney, sting ...) for Burma's extraordinary freedom fighter.(USE YOUR LIFE)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... SOMETIMES IT SEEMS AS IF ONLY BAD THINGS ARE happening in the world. Lately the news has been filled with tragedy--bloodshed in the Middle East and Sudan, the proliferation of nuclear weapons. But every once in a while we hear about a bright...

What's playing in Rod Stewart's ear? The raspy-voiced rocker and standards-bearer likes his blues, jazz, and a dash of UK pop.(MUSIC; Rod Stewart)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... SINCE 1971, when he stole our hearts with the lovelorn classic "Maggie May," Rod Stewart has proved himself a musical chameleon, lending his soulful, gravelly voice to every genre from rock to disco to pop. And with his newest project, the...

One for my baby ... and 150 more for the road, please.(TREAT)(Artisan Foods of Napa Valley stuffed olives)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... During the martini craze of a few years ago, a friend of mine got hooked--not on the drinks but on the blue-cheese-filled olives that her local bar would drop into them. Now I'm afraid to tell this friend about Artisan Foods of Napa Valley...

Stress Free for Good.(GOOD POINT)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... "Sometimes it's enough simply to try hard. Sometimes our skill is perseverance. Sometimes the simple act of not giving up is both a skill and a virtue. We can be good at trying, and if we are, we need to honor our effort." --FROM STRESS...

Must-see show of the month.(TV)(Lackawanna Blues boasts a mesmeric)(Television Program Review)
February 1, 2005... One might not think of a rooming house full of ex-cons and crusty old coots as an ideal place to raise a child, but Ruben Santiago-Hudson turned out just fine. The Tony Award-winning actor's one-man play about his unconventional 1950s...

Beauty, lost and found.(ART)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... For years NYPD detective sergeant and art enthusiast Josh Wainwright had been frustrated that there wasn't one place to view a wide range of black artists' work for sale. So in 1997, he founded the National Black Fine Art Show--a mixed bag of...

Let's hear it for the Brits: before Lincoln ended slavery, England did. How?(Q & A)(Abraham Lincoln)(Adam Hochschild)(Brief Article)(Interview)
February 1, 2005... ON MAY 22, 1787, 12 MEN MET in a print shop in London and set in motion the first mass movement for the rights of oppressed people in another area of the world. Part of the dawn of the human rights movement, their work would ultimately abolish...

Men behaving dadly: black single fathers go into a huddle to discuss the challenges and charms of raising girls.(HOME IMPROVEMENT)(Black Men Raising Girls Alone)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... IF YOU THINK FEMININE protection and financial planning shouldn't be discussed at the same meeting, clearly you're not a member of Black Men Raising Girls Alone. Founded in 1998 by GregJones, now 51, the group has 80 members nationwide, roughly...

Take it! It's free!(WHAT A CONCEPT)(freecycle.org)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... Deron Beal lives by the maxim "One man's trash is another's treasure." As an employee of a nonprofit recycling center in Tucson, Beal would cart bulky stuff that businesses no longer wanted--desks, fax machines--from charity to charity until he...

Snap out of it.(SUGGESTION BOX)(pants fasteners)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... We're not happy about what's happening in our pants lately. With each new pair we buy, the mechanics of fastening grows more elaborate. First there was the button and zipper: simple. Then came the hook and eye: simpler. Now we've got two-button...

Something to think about.(love)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... No one said love is always easy. It doesn't matter if you're trying to keep things fresh between you and your partner or still looking for the right person, a little romance often takes a lot of work. Curl up somewhere comfortable and consider...

The O list.(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... "A few things I think are just great."--OPRAH A Rosy Outlook [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] "You can bring your garden inside in cold weather. With roses on the front and a trellis on the back, this pillow is guaranteed to pretty up any...

The new exotics: this is not demure jewelry. Just one look-at-me piece--a dressed-up wooden cuff or deliciously embellished earrings--will enliven anything you wear.(KEY PIECE)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... LOG ON AND TAKE OFF Wood power bracelets (and one fanciful brooch) have natural authority. Their offhand luxury suits office tweeds, weekend jeans, anything leather or suede (all those robust browns are totally compatible). 1. Greenleaf...

Look what we found! A rainbow of luscious lipcolors, a hand cream that feels like a cashmere glove, the sweet secret behind a delicious cocoa body scrub ... Here's what O's beauty editors--Valerie Monroe and Jolene Edgar--fell in love with this month.(beauty)
February 1, 2005... Maybe you'd be abundantly happy just to have 72 richly pigmented shades of lipstick--30 of them brand-new--to choose from. We were. (How about that Pinkerbelle? Or the Plumalicious? Or maybe you're the die-hard Rum Raisin type.) But the best...

Ask Val: save the nails! O's beauty director, Valerie Monroe, fingers your manicure's worst enemies.(beauty)
February 1, 2005... Q: My nails are a wreck, especially in winter. About a day after a manicure, they split, chip, crack, and peel. And my cuticles--let's not even go there. Is there anything that really helps? [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] A: It's been my...

57 random acts of kindness: Oprah is declaring February Kindness Month. Whether you amp up everyday generosity, pass on a compliment, or share a taxi with a wet stranger, let these cards prompt you to add to the sum of human happiness all year long.(O to go)
February 1, 2005... FEBRUARY * On the coldest days, ask an elderly neighbor if you can run her errands. * Pass along the last great book you read. * On Valentine's Day, call your single friends to say hello. * If a waiter or manicurist or plumber...

Postcards from the edge.(special report)(women of eastern Congo)
February 1, 2005... For nearly a decade, women in the eastern Congo have endured unimaginable acts of sexual cruelty, leaving them shamed, abandoned by their families, shunned by their villages, and ignored by the world. Last December we asked readers to write...

Listen to your heart: when it races, should you worry?(body wise)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... If you've ever felt a flash of fear when your heart flutters, races, or skips a beat, relax. Extra or irregular beats happen to nearly everyone from time to time, according to cardiologist Ann Bolger, MD, a spokesperson for the American Heart...

The next magic pill? The lowdown on Rhodiola rosea.(body wise)
February 1, 2005... What it is: An herb native to certain Arctic and Alpine regions, Rhodiola rosea has been prized since ancient times. Capsules of dried root extract are now widely available. Why the buzz: Sufferers of depression, stress-related disorders,...

Flour power: whole wheat gets a makeover.(body wise)(Ultragrain)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... If you want the nutritional boost of whole grains with the light taste and smooth texture of white flour breads and cookies, ConAgra's got you covered. The company recently introduced Ultragrain, a whole wheat flour with the consistency of...

Trainer-in-the-box: this digital taskmaster will whip you into shape.(body wise)(Yourself! Fitness)(Brief Article)(Product/Service Evaluation)
February 1, 2005... Ever see a cyberchick cop an attitude? You will if you miss an appointment with Maya, ResponDesign's virtual personal trainer. The tanned, pixel-perfect coach is the star of Yourself! Fitness, a PlayStation 2, Xbox, and PC-compatible game that...

Circle of Healthy Hearts[TM].
February 1, 2005... All across the country women are taking control of their heart health and taking action against the serious threat of heart disease. How? With the help of Berry Burst Cheerios[R] they are building a Circle of Healthy Hearts[TM]--a community of...

Lose weight with Oprah: thanks to a fierce diet-and-exercise program, Oprah got herself a new body. But she still wants to lose another ten pounds. So to share what she's learned and to build some crucial buddy-system support, she's chosen a team to join her in a 12-week blitz. You're invited to follow along.(body wise)
February 1, 2005... I WAS STANDING ON THE FRONT porch of my new home in California, the one I've worked on for three years as a gift to myself. I was looking at the mountains folding over on themselves and my yard filled with oak, pine, and redwood trees, thinking...

The lonely season: loneliness is epidemic, culturally frowned on, and completely curable. Whether the ache is chronic or a seasonal twinge, Martha Beck is here to diagnose it, treat it ... heal it.(martha beck)(Column)
February 1, 2005... AT TIMES IN MY LIFE, I HAVE BEEN utterly lonely. At other times, I've had disgusting infectious diseases. Try admitting these things in our culture, and you'll find they evoke identical responses: Listeners cringe with a mixture of pity,...

Red hot: it shines like a ruby, blooms like a rose, rivets the attention, and warms the heart. Bring a glow to your home with this ardent color.(comfort zone)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... RED LETTER DAY February 14 is coming, and the time is definitely ripe for fresh flowers, witty trinkets, amorous correspondence. Clockwise from top: Maria Jauhiainen lacy, leaf-shaped metal tray, $620. Coach stainless steel watch with...

The way the cookie crumbles: she did the lion's share of the cooking. Her husband was good for chicken and an occasional defrosted pizza--until the day he came home with a 600-page cookbook, a burning look in his eyes, and a killer new recipe for dividing up labor. Cynthia Gorney reports.(dish fulfillment)
February 1, 2005... ONE AFTERNOON A FEW MONTHS ago, my husband walked into the house carrying a cookbook and then stood in the kitchen for a long time, turning the pages, reading it. This was interesting. He looked deeply absorbed. When his cell phone rang, he...

The man who loved women.(reading room)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... To Iman, modeling for legendary British photographer Norman Parkinson was a rapturous collaboration--like a dance with Fred Astaire. "The thing that excites me about women is the way they move," said the dapper Parkinson, who, beginning with...

To Helen, with love and polar bears: a great, odd, wise memoir of poetry, birds, snow, and rebirth.(reading room)(In Fond Remembrance of Me)(Book Review)
February 1, 2005... IN 1977, IN THE OTHER WORLDLY LANDSCAPE OF CHURCHILL, MANITOBA, with polar bears and beluga whales lurking on the periphery and winter fast approaching, a 28-year-old, spiritually "green" Howard Norman found himself in the company of a fiercely...

The twilight's last gleaming: in his debut novel, Nick Arvin deserves a medal for emotional courage.(reading room)(Articles of War)(Brief Article)(Book Review)
February 1, 2005... AT ONE POINT early in 18-year-old George Tilson's romantic and harrowing experience of World War II in France shortly after D-day, he finds himself longing for the Iowa farm country that the army has plucked him from. Tilson is the hero of Nick...

The manipulators: a psychologist's unsettling new book explores the ice-cold hearts of one in 25 people.(reading room)(The Sociopath Next Door)(Book Review)
February 1, 2005... HORROR NOVELS OFTEN feature villains with no conscience whatsoever, human monsters who can commit atrocities without any prior hesitation or subsequent remorse. If you think these characters are simplistic pulp fiction, think again. In her new...

The mysteries of men: a town's fathers are vanishing, possibly by magic.(reading room)(Please Don't Come Back from the Moon)(Brief Article)(Book Review)
February 1, 2005... THE MEN of Maple Rock--a largely Ukrainian suburb of Detroit--are disappearing, vanishing into the night air one by one, leaving their wives and children behind to pick up the pieces and try to figure out what went wrong. One man, the local...

Shoots shoots and leaves.(reading room)(Contemporary Photography and the Garden -- Deceits and Fantasies)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... Ever since Eden, gardeners have longed to rule the natural world. That desire suffuses Contemporary Photography and the Garden--Deceits and Fantasies (Abrams), with its tempting array of sensuous, spare, provocative images. From Sally...

Doctor, can you hear me? Bedside Manners probes the mind, body, and soul of the physician-patient alliance.(reading room)(Brief Article)(Book Review)
February 1, 2005... EVEN THE MOST ROUTINE medical checkup will never be quite the same after you've read David Watts's Bedside Manners (Harmony). Watts, a practicing physician, poet, and contributor to NPR's All Things Considered, has turned his professional...

Biblio: recommendations from our shelf to yours.(reading room)(Book Review)
February 1, 2005... * No energy crisis here: God's Gym (Houghton Mifflin), John Edgar Wideman's long-awaited new story collection, is so brazenly and lyrically experimental, so charged with emotion and restless intellect, that a reader gets winded just trying to...

Books that made a difference to Mary Gordon: the novelist has a weakness for strong, vivid heroines, English and Irish classics, and a supremely stylish mystery.(reading room)(Brief Article)(Children's Review)(Book Review)
February 1, 2005... ONE OF THE IMPORTANT ways of dividing up the world's people is between those who need to read in order to feel alive and those who don't. I learned to read when I was 3, so I can't remember a time when I wasn't in the first group. My favorite...

The man who didn't get away: he hated felines, loved beer, was terrible at intimacy, and placed marriage in the thanks-but-no-thanks category. But then commitment came in on little cat feet, accompanied by Amy, love, mortality, and ... Get me to the church on time! Rick Moody chronicles his long, strange journey to contentment.(couples)
February 1, 2005... AMONG THE ASPECTS OF MY CHARACter that are owing to a youthful predilection for all things John Cheever is a boundless and irrational love of dogs, in particular a love for large, slobbering, affectionate dogs of the genus retriever. This love...

How we met: it may have been annoyance at first sight--or puzzlement, or total indifference. But love? No. Funny how that works. Seven writers recall their dates with destiny.(Love: Keeping It Alive)
February 1, 2005... IT'S MAGIC [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] I was wandering my small southern college's theater building in a state of despair, having just fled a disastrous rehearsal of my play. Unable to face my unruly actors and doubting that I could ever be...

Marriage without a map: she didn't want a divorce, just her own bed, her own room, a new key to her old self. It was a risky decision, one that could potentially undo her marriage--or deepen it. Jean Morgan steps off the traditional path--and finds a surprising number of women headed in the same direction.
February 1, 2005... I'M ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING KIND of big and scary. I'm going to wake up in a room flooded with sunlight. Almost every day for the past 23 years, I've awakened in the dark. The deep dark, and I don't like it. Because my husband is an...

Her change of heart: she was famous, famously single, and famous for having said that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. But she astonished everyone by getting married at age 66. Gloria Steinem explains it all to Sara Davidson.(Interview)
February 1, 2005... GLORIA STEINEM, WHO STATED IN her 30s that she would remain single and not have kids because "I have to give birth to myself first," spoke last fall about how she decided to marry at 66, then lost her husband, David Bale, three years later to...

Looking out for #2: her first marriage foundered. What made her think the second was going to be an improvement? Lise Funderburg on what she's learned and what she's doing differently this time.
February 1, 2005... IT WASN'T UNTIL I DECIDED TO marry again that I realized how completely uncertain and illogical marriage is. The second time around, you can't hide behind romantic innocence. You already know how easy it is to take another person for granted....

Still happy after all these years: it isn't our divorce rate that bothers Amy Bloom--it's the dreary prospect of two people living unhappily ever after. What makes a long, good marriage? Let her count the ways.
February 1, 2005... DIVORCE DOESN'T BREAK MY HEART. It comes awfully close when there are children involved and parents forget that people matter more than furniture, money, or power. But divorce itself--I don't much care. I don't see in it an epidemic of...

"Why am I alone?" Don't ask! That kind of thinking sets you up for nothing but agony and self-doubt. If you're really serious about love, Katherine Russell Rich has the questions you should be asking.
February 1, 2005... LAST SUMMER, WHEN I LIVED IN THE country, an ad for a local dating service would come on the radio every time I drove around. "But I'm as pretty and interesting and nice as my friends. Why am I single?" a petulant voice would say. Then an...

What never to say to a single woman over 35: Lisa Kogan gives a well-meaning world fair warning.
February 1, 2005... Allow me to introduce myself. I am a gainfully employed, God-fearing, law-abiding citizen, and I come in peace. I don't bet on baseball, I take excellent care of my gums, I keep my tray table locked and upright from takeoff to landing. Oh, and...

I want, therefore I am: uncovering your real desires can be terrifying. It can also set you spectacularly free.
February 1, 2005... IN A WONDERFUL BOOK TITLED The Bonds of Love, the psychoanalyst Jessica Benjamin wrote of an epiphany two psychologists once had while strolling past a hospital nursery. The setting was a familiar one to anyone who has had a child or visited a...

Breathing space.(enjoying nature)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... Take an afternoon walk through this quiet grove of slender birch trees. Stop to watch the sun fade behind Vermont's snowy hills and listen to a cool winter breeze whisper past you. PHOTOGRAPH BY MICHAEL MELFORD

Oprah talks to a phenomenal man; Archbishop Desmond Tutu: "our world is going to be okay."(Tutu's life, beliefs and new book, "God has a Dream.")(Interview)
February 1, 2005... He's a man with an exuberant laugh and a generous heart to match--my friend Archbishop Desmond Tutu. At 73, he can tell you about the rise of apartheid, the marches and rebellions in Soweto that led to its collapse, and the AIDS pandemic now...

Spice.(Spices of Life)
February 1, 2005... Food that's all over the map can clash as fiercely as UN delegates. But the recipes in Nina Simonds's latest cookbook, Spices of Life, simultaneously span the globe and hang together as a singular cuisine. Call it Nina Cuisine--it's healthy,...

The O lip gloss awards.
February 1, 2005... We came, we saw, we tested (on our own personal lips) and here it is: A great big moisturized mmm-wah! to the best and the brightest, the sheerest, the shiniest, even the yummiest-tasting glosses out there. (Also, a bit of lip to the makers of...

Jackets required: think of the jacket as a confidence trick--a sleek, authoritative way to help get your head together for anything from a big meeting to a hot date. Over jeans, work pants, sexy skirts, or dresses, it's easily the piece of clothing you wear hardest and rely on most.
February 1, 2005... Even if metallics aren't usually your type, this is the jacket to have a fling with. First, it's not expensive (Bebe, $169). Second, it's brocade (elaborate fabrics aren't just a holiday craze; they've got staying power). Third, it's...

Beyond the briefcase: strong colors, chic buckles, leather trim--these totes prove that practical doesn't mean dull. They carry it all, from legal briefs to lunch.(Fashion)
February 1, 2005... 1. Fresh turquoise leather gets your gear in one place. Kenneth Cole, $245; 800-536-2653. 2. The color of new leaves, and very ladylike. Gap, $68; gap.com. 3. Ample straps on this capacious tote let you sling it over your shoulder. Banana...

A sight for sore eyes: make that swollen, shadowy, and wrinkled eyes. These creams and gels really can help lessen fine lines and depuff bags. Have a look....(Beauty)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... 1. Broad-spectrum sunscreens in Elizabeth Arden Ceramide Plump Perfect Eye Moisture Cream SPF 15 ($45) protect the vulnerable eye area from wrinkle-causing rays, while peptides help inflate fine lines, gradually softening their appearance. ...

The spice route: in Nina Simonds's delicious, pinch-of-China, dash-of-Morocco recipes, a round-the-world collection of flavors replaces bad guys like sugar and fat (for story, see page 184).(THE RECIPES)
February 1, 2005... All recipes are adapted from Spices of Life (Knopf) and make 6 servings unless otherwise noted. See oprah.com for additional recipes. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Spicy Shrimp with Basil Marinade: 3 Tbsp. rice wine 3 1/2...

Shop guide (all prices are approximate).
February 1, 2005... COVER Georgina Brandolini cashmere, cotton, and silk hand-embroidered silver-thread sweater, $755, Takashimaya, NYC, and Tuberose, Palm Beach. Gioia green tourmaline and white diamond ring, $16,000; 212-223-3146. Martin Katz platinum and...

L'Oreal[R]: you're so worth it.(what's going on)
February 1, 2005... L'Oreal Paris has just opened its first retail stores in the U.S. The Living Lab lets you play, experiment and discover beauty in a truly interactive environment. You can also experience the world's first TrueLight Pod[TM], L'Oreal's exclusive...

Campbell's[R] Select[TM]: select the best from campbell's[R].(what's going on)(Advertisement)
February 1, 2005... Twenty-seven distinctive soups created by Campbell's chefs using premium ingredients to please your sophisticated palette! Enjoy new delicious varieties like Mexican Style Chicken Tortilla and Three Cheese Mushroom Ravioli or a delectable...

VO5[R]: win an escape to your own Oasis with alberto VO5!(what's going on)(Advertisement)
February 1, 2005... Alberto VO5[R] Nourishing Oasis[TM], the steamy secret to beautiful hair, is offering you a chance to win a trip to NYC plus treatments at the Oasis Day Spa. Hurry! The first 5,000 entrants will receive a free sample of Nourishing Oasis shampoo...

Join O's reader panel: we want to know what you think.(what's going on)(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... Every day you live your best life and inspire people around you to do the same. At O, The Oprah Magazine, your opinions matter, and we'd like to hear from you. Join the O Reader Panel for the chance to tell us what you think about topics...

What I know for sure.(Brief Article)
February 1, 2005... I WAS CLEARING OUT A DRAWER the other day and came across 12 pages that stopped me in my tracks. It was a love letter I'd written but never sent (thank God) to a guy I was dating. I was 29 at the time, desperate and obsessed with this man. It...