Spectator articles from August 2006

Spectator archives from August 2006

Against isolation.(Arab-Israeli conflicts)
August 5, 2006... The old order changeth, yielding place to new: as Fidel Castro's mortality marks the fall of the last Cold War colossus, so a new global ideological struggle hardens in our midst. The conflict in the Middle East is but one symptom of this...

DIARY.(Column)
August 5, 2006... 'The true function of a writer is to produce a masterpiece and . . . no other task is of any consequence.' So Palinurus, aka Cyril Connolly, warns in the opening sentence of The Unquiet Grave. This ruthless reminder made me totally...

The soggy consensus of our times is about the very future of Western civilisation.
August 5, 2006... The image of Tony Blair and David Cameron exchanging frilly skirts and pearls is certainly arresting, but the Prime Minister's reference in California last weekend to rampant cross-dressing was, disappointingly, political. For all the comment...

DIARY OF A NOTTING HILL NOBODY.(Column)
August 5, 2006... MONDAY Have learnt important lesson: Never meet your heroes, or, in the case of former prime ministers from Brixton, don't even speak to them on phone. Had to call for quote on Lottery proposals. Norma answered. Lot of sighing. Then clunking as...

It will only take an order from Iran to make Hezbollah attack Britain.
August 5, 2006... At a recent Stop the West rally (yes, I know, but that's their real agenda) demonstrators waved placards proclaiming 'We're all Hezbollah now'. Really? If so, why were they allowed to parade in Trafalgar Square? In a sane society they...

'Look at the dogs eating bodies in the rubble'.(Lebanon)
August 5, 2006... Qana There was no smell of death. The dying had taken place too recently. When I arrived they were still pulling corpses from the collapsed building. The first I saw were two young brothers of the Shalhoub family. If you have ever watched...

Fidel's end will not bring Cubans happiness.(Fidel Castro)
August 5, 2006... One of the most melancholy walks in the world passes along the Calle Concordia, through the derelict heart of the lovely, ravaged city of Havana. If you seek a monument to Fidel Castro, look about you. The signs of bankruptcy, ideology and...

I find Mel Gibson's apology even more offensive than his original remarks.
August 5, 2006... Was the Hollywood actor Mel Gibson right to suggest that Jews have caused all the wars of the world? At first sight, it seems an awfully sweeping statement of the kind which is easily disprovable, like saying that there are no pianos in Japan...

Oxford needs inspiration as well as administration.
August 5, 2006... Three days ago I demitted the presidency of Trinity College to which I had been elected exactly 30 years after ceasing to be a short-term college lecturer there. Oxford then, Oxford now? Tempora mutantur, but plus c'est la mme chose. ...

'I'll have nothing to do with no Ouija board. No way'.(Column)
August 5, 2006... 'Milk and sugar?' asks Mick, NHS glasses, knobbly knees, Black Country accent. 'Just milk, Mick, please, ' I say. The two-bedroom council house is tiny - an insult. Whoever was responsible for such a design must have believed in his heart that...

Hezbollah and genocide.(Letter to the editor)
August 5, 2006... From Lord Kalms Sir: William Hague's usual good sense has deserted him. Criticising Israel for being disproportionate without serious consideration of the alternatives merely mouths the buzzwords of the ignorant armchair critic. Think...

Nightmare of a Soviet Spain.(Letter to the editor)
August 5, 2006... From Christopher John Sir: Denis MacShane's article 'We should have intervened in Spain' (29 July) is written with sweeping, headline-grabbing statements about Franco's murderous regime. He completely and most conveniently omitted to...

Nothing special.(Letter to the editor)
August 5, 2006... From George Steiner Sir: The special relationship is a British invention ('Sorry: there is no special relationship', 29 July). It is based on the false idea that Britain has so much in common with the US that there must be an SR. The US sees no...

Move UN to Jerusalem.(Letter to the editor)
August 5, 2006... From Sir Sydney Giffard Sir: When a lull is achieved in ArabuIsrael, and the peace process is resumed, would it not be right to consider the possibility of moving the UN headquarters from New York to the vicinity of Jerusalem? Difficulties and...

Think Baldwin.(Letter to the editor)
August 5, 2006... From James Strachan Sir: I do wish that Norman Tebbit would recognise that his very forthright views of politics ('Cameron is alienating his voters', 29 July) only really worked from 1978 to 1986 - when the electors were fully aware that the...

Wheels of inspiration.(Letter to the editor)
August 5, 2006... From Christopher Pinsent Sir: Jeremy Lewis's letter about Elgar's cycling about Worcestershire (22 July) reminded me that at Charterhouse school there is an Ordnance Survey map on which the young Ralph Vaughan Williams recorded his favourite...

Selling a different kind of capitalism.(Stuart Hampson)
August 5, 2006... During his school holidays, Stuart Hampson used to help his mother behind the counter of the family drapers shop in Oldham, Lancashire. But as he grew up, he set his sights higher than mere retailing. 'I always had a fixation on becoming a...

Don't mention house prices to the Japanese.
August 5, 2006... It was a typical west London dinner party, of the kind where the guests agree not to talk about house prices but then do so anyway. One smug homeowner was in the middle of explaining why buying property makes sense when my usually placid...

Old habits die hard in the former colony - but there's a new tax on food and books.(value-added tax)
August 5, 2006... The Valhalla which is Hong Kong's low and simple taxation system is set to be demolished. The government of the Special Administrative Region of the People's Republic has come up with the bright idea of getting its people to share the...

othing short of hysteria.(Frost in May, the Lost Traveller, the Sugar House, beyond the Glass)(Book review)
August 5, 2006... FROST IN MAY, THE LOST TRAVELLER, THE SUGAR HOUSE , BEYOND THE GLASS by Antonia White Virago, [pounds sterling]7.99, each The other day, I was in a second-hand bookshop in Lyme Regis, and came across half a dozen novels by Rebecca West....

The blitzkrieg that took a long time.(White Death)(Book review)
August 5, 2006... WHITE DEATH by Robert Edwards Weidenfeld, [pounds sterling]20, pp. 319, ISBN 9780297846302 . [pounds sterling]16 (plus [pounds sterling]2.45 p&p) 0870 429 6655 It is 1939. The Gulf of Finland thrusts between the Baltic states and Finland...

One kiss too many.(Be Near Me)(Book review)
August 5, 2006... BENEAR MEby Andrew O'Hagan Faber, [pounds sterling]16.99, pp. 278, ISBN 0571216021 . [pounds sterling]13.59 (plus [pounds sterling]2.45 p&p) 0870 429 6655 Something is eating away at Father David Anderton, the narrator of Be Near Me, a...

The Venetian side of Dizzy.(The Politics of Pleasure: A Portrait of Benjamin Disraeli)(Disraeli's Disciple: The Scandalous Life of George Smythe)(Book review)
August 5, 2006... THE POLITICS OF PLEASURE : A P ORTRAIT OF BENJAMIN DISRAELI by William Kuhn Free Press, [pounds sterling]20, pp. 402, ISBN 0743256875 . [pounds sterling]16 (plus [pounds sterling]2.45 p&p) 0870 429 6655 DISRAELI'S DISCIPLE : THE SCANDALOUS...

A damned elusive pimpernel.(The Arms of the Infinite)(Book review)
August 5, 2006... THE ARMS OF THE INFINITE by Christopher Barker Pomona, [pounds sterling]9.99, pp. 329, ISBN 1904590047 Though elderly poets profess to be inveterate Dionysians, despising Apollonians, I find it, Flaccus, more modest To attempt, like you, an...

Shedding light in dark places.(The Etymologies of Isidore of Seville)(Book review)
August 5, 2006... THE ETYMOLOGIES OF ISIDORE OF SEVILLE edited by Stephen A. Barney, W. J. Lewis, J. A. Beach and Oliver Berghof Cambridge, [pounds sterling]85, pp. 488, ISBN 0521837499 Scholars who want to accuse others of ignorant obscurantism have long...

Not all Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps).(Seventies: The Sights, Sounds and Ideas of a Brilliant Decade)(Book review)
August 5, 2006... SEVENTIES : THE SIGHTS, SOUNDS AND IDEAS OF A BRILLIANT DECADE by Howard Sounes Simon & Schuster, [pounds sterling]18.99, pp. 472, ISBN 0743268598 . [pounds sterling]15.19 (plus [pounds sterling]2.45 p&p) 0870 429 6655 Born in 1965, Howard...

Touching the hem of a lost world.(Cochineal Red: Travels Through Ancient Peru)(Book review)
August 5, 2006... COCHINEAL RED : TRAVELS THROUGH ANCIENT PERU by Hugh Thomson Weidenfeld, [pounds sterling]18.99, pp. 350, ISBN 0297645641 . [pounds sterling]15.19 (plus [pounds sterling]2.45 p&p) 0870 429 6655 First and most importantly, Hugh Thomson is a...

A never-ending story.(The Shape of Things to Come)(Book review)
August 5, 2006... THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME by Greil Marcus Faber, [pounds sterling]18.99, pp. 304, ISBN 0571221564 . [pounds sterling]15.19 (plus [pounds sterling]2.45 p&p) 0870 429 6655 You know the famous story about Freud and Einstein? Freud writes to...

Surprising literary ventures.(Zabiba and the King)(Brief article)(Book review)
August 5, 2006... ZABIBA AND THE KING (2000) by Saddam Hussein The first of several novels by the world's bestselling war criminal, Zabiba and the King is a clunking allegory in which the king represents Saddam, Zabiba (a beautiful maiden) represents the...

Reaching for the stars.(Edinburgh Festival)
August 5, 2006... After 15 years in the director's seat this is Brian McMaster's last summer running the Edinburgh Festival. Or, to be absolutely precise, the Edinburgh International Festival, the proper one, worlds away from the Fringe, which has grown like...

Compelling vision.(Oscar Kokoschka)
August 5, 2006... Oskar Kokoschka: The Prometheus Triptych Courtauld Institute, Somerset House, until 17 September Oskar Kokoschka (1886u1980) was born in Pochlarn, Bohemia, studied in Vienna, enlisted in a smart cavalry regiment at the outbreak of the...

Breaking the rules.(exhibitions)
August 5, 2006... Albert Oehlen: I Will Always Champion Good Painting Whitechapel Art Gallery, until 3 September The German painter Albert Oehlen (born in Krefeld in 1954) is of the same generation as the infamous Martin Kippenberger (1953u97), recently...

Russian rewards.(Boris Godunov)(Opera review)
August 5, 2006... Boris Godunov; The Fiery Angel Royal Opera House The Bolshoi Opera's production of Boris Godunov, which they brought to Covent Garden last week, is in almost all respects in a time warp, though it turned out to be a most agreeable one. For...

Remembering Syd.(Syd Barrett)
August 5, 2006... As I write, it is a few weeks since the death of Syd Barrett but I can't get him out of my head. The second 'Olden but golden' column, back in November 2001, was devoted to Barrett, Pink Floyd's founder, presiding genius and acid casualty, and...

Copout.(Miami Vice)(Movie review)
August 5, 2006... Miami Vice 15, general release My Super Ex-Girlfriend 12A, general release I'm such a dunderhead. Everyone told me that Miami Vice would be rubbish, and I kept replying, 'No, no it won't; you see, it's directed by Michael Mann and he's...

Divided loyalties.(Arab-Israeli wars)
August 5, 2006... Almost no one I know - not even right-wingers - has been taking Israel's side in its battle to destroy Hezbollah and I've been puzzling as to why. Partly, I suppose, it's an aesthetic thing. Israel is raw, brutalist, thrusting and...

About turn.(Inside Money)(Radio program review)
August 5, 2006... It must be a nightmare when you spend weeks making a current-affairs programme only to find that days before it's broadcast the subject you've been exploring is turned upside-down. That's what happened to Radio Four's Inside Money, the sister...

Beautiful big beast.(luxury cars)(Product/service evaluation)
August 5, 2006... While many in these islands submerged themselves in the predictable misfortunes of a consistently average football team, others celebrated a British triumph and new world record. At Hullavington in Wiltshire the British Tractor Challenge...

No laughing matter.(Lebanon)
August 5, 2006... On board Bushido The little village of Assos lies in the shadow of a Venetian fort off the western side of Kefalonia. From afar, it appears as a dark-blue dot, almost indistinguishable from the shimmering sea mist. But, as the boat...

Cold comfort.(Column)
August 5, 2006... On the hottest day of the recent heat wave, I was talking on the phone to a woman who was impassioned about my 'upgrading' to a better one. I was looking out of the window, waiting for her to pause for long enough for me to say no thanks, when...

SPECTATOR MINI-BAROFFER.
August 5, 2006... The French are finally coming to terms with generic wines. The bottles, instead of being labelled with the name of the grower and location, have names that are either trendy (Fat Bastard or Le Freak) or else amiably meaningless, such as...

Highs and lows.
August 5, 2006... A bottle of Bollinger Special Cuvee ([pounds sterling]55) sits in its bucket of ice on the bar - next to it a 'freshly cooked Canadian lobster' ([pounds sterling]34.95), a plate of the highest quality smoked salmon u 'Balik, The Salmon of the...

Eye candy.(Column)
August 5, 2006... Seneca is said to have read all the books in Rome by peering through a glass globe of water. In the Middle Ages, painters, scholars, statesmen and master craftsmen used Venetian reading stones (magnifiers made of ground glass), which extended...

YOU'VE BEEN FRAMED.
August 5, 2006... VERA WANG V119 [pounds sterling]120. Stockist: 0145 2318 131 www. norville. co. uk BEBE GET FRESH Two-tone acetate frame, [pounds sterling]99.Stockist: 0145 2318 131. www. norville. co. uk OPTICAL ILLUSIONS Kata www. kataeyewear. com...

Basqu-ing in it.(Portugal)(Column)
August 5, 2006... 'A re you a faggot?' the Ryanair lady shouted down the plane's aisle, occasionally pointing at different men who she thought might fit this description. 'We cannot take off till we find a faggot, ' she insisted, louder and ever more...

HOTELS OF THE WEEK.(Hotel Du Palais, Hotel Parc Victoria)(Directory)(Brief article)
August 5, 2006... HOTEL DU PALAIS 1 Avenue de l'Imperatice 64200 Biarritz Tel: +33 (0)5 59 42 64 00 Fax: +33 (0)5 59 42 64 99 www. hotel-du-palais. com HOTEL PARC VICTORIA Le Parc Victoria 5, rue Cepe 64500 Saint Jean de Luz Tel: +33 (0)5 59 26 78 78 Fax:...

Running on empty.(Formula 1 Grand Prix motor racing)
August 5, 2006... It may be fast and noisy still, but it has become drearily predictable, uncompetitive and even, you might say, totally unhairy. Even obsessive vroom-vroomers, I fancy, are completely cheesed off with their sport. Certainly to the casual...

Security first.
August 12, 2006... The United Nations is good at passing resolutions. It is, sadly, a little less effective at displaying resolve. As The Spectator went to press, Security Council discussions on the French-inspired resolution designed to deal with the conflict in...

DIARY.(smoking bans)
August 12, 2006... Edinburgh 'Oh, God, you couldn't buy that publicity!' people exclaimed as Mel Smith appeared on the front page of a clutch of newspapers, on radio and TV and finally on the world news channels. Mel is Winston Churchill in my play...

Tory donors don't like the Cameron line on Israel -- or on very much else.
August 12, 2006... Since David Cameron announced plans to change the Conservative party's logo, derisive suggestions have come pouring in. A white flag to depict ideological surrender, perhaps, a spinning weathervane or a sinking Titanic. There have been so many...

DIARY OF A NOTTING HILL NOBODY.(Column)
August 12, 2006... MONDAY I love August! So exciting. Dave is in totally secret location in Corfu. Only Jed and an agency snapper know the details. This is part of brilliant 'deflection' strategy. If anything goes wrong, e. g. , shad. cab. split on Middle East...

Let's get a sense of proportion about disproportion.
August 12, 2006... This week David Cameron joined his shadow foreign secretary William Hague in denouncing elements of Israel's operations in Lebanon as 'disproportionate'. This view has not gone down well with some on the hawkish Right, but it has been met with...

Netanyahu: Bush will not allow Iran to go nuclear.(Interview)
August 12, 2006... It was not my idea of a joke, but I reluctantly complied with the Israeli detective's request that I hand over all my belongings to him 'as hostages', including my mobile phone and passport. He congratulated himself repeatedly on his sense of...

That's it, Uncle Sam:I'm yours no more.(Column)
August 12, 2006... Right. That's it. Entre nous c'est termine. After 42 happy years I am getting a divorce from America. From the very emerging of my childhood consciousness I have been aware that in the eyes of billions of people around the world I have won...

Our overpopulation is a social and environmental catastrophe.
August 12, 2006... There were two stories in our morning newspapers this week which seemed at first sight unrelated. The first was a report from the Local Government Association warning the government that council tax charges might need to rise by as much as 6...

The Conservatives must reject neo-Conservatism.
August 12, 2006... John Major once said to me that foreign policy doesn't win elections. I replied that that was true, but it could lose them. That is the spectre haunting the Labour party today. The Prime Minister is derided around the world as George Bush's...

A new Holocaust.(Letter to the editor)
August 12, 2006... From Lucy Mandelstam Sir: Melanie Phillips's mention of the 'annual hate-fest' on the streets of London filled me with despair ('Hezbollah cells await Iran's orders', 5 August). Last month I celebrated my 80th birthday. Never in my wildest...

Iraq increases terror threat.(Letter to the editor)
August 12, 2006... From K.S. Umpleby Sir: Your leading article ('Against isolation', 5 August) quotes Tony Blair: '. . . there is increased terrorism today because we invaded Afghanistan and Iraq. They seem to forget entirely that 11 September predated either....

Of silk and ermine.
August 12, 2006... From Lord Trefgarne Sir: It was a pity that Michael Beloff chose to take a swipe at the hereditary peerage in his otherwise excellent piece on Oxford University ('Oxford needs inspiration', 5 August). Back in 1999, during the passage of the...

Cuba after Castro.(Letter to the editor)
August 12, 2006... From Derek Smith Sir: Peter Hitchens ('Fidel's end will not bring happiness', 5 August) concedes that Castro's Cuba offers a decent health service in comparison with other poor countries. The biggest obstacle to the maintenance of basic health...

Only the thin piping of terns breaks the silence on the Faroe Islands.(Column)
August 12, 2006... White daisies, yellow buttercups, rich green grass, brightly painted rust-red houses of wood and tin, and, at the cliffs' bottom thousands of feet below, the deep blue Atlantic heaving and smashing against black basalt . . . these are the...

The new faces of motor-racing:the sheikh and the African trader.
August 12, 2006... Think Formula 1 and it's not long before a short man with a terrible haircut and an unfeasibly tall wife comes to mind. But while Bernie Ecclestone is very much the face of the world's premier motor-racing series, it's a different story with A1...

We all need to eat - so buy farmland.
August 12, 2006... Onholiday in Shetland a few weeks ago I saw an editorial in the Shetland Times which neatly summed up the problem with being a British farmer. 'Fuel, feed and fertiliser have all taken another leap upwards in price.' But 'sheep prices are at...

The rising cost of bombing in Lebanon - and the rising cost of living in London.
August 12, 2006... A poster on the District Line at Earls Court inviting me to holiday in 'the 24-hour Mediterranean city, Tel Aviv' made me want to know more about the local economic impact of the war between Israel and Hezbollah. The rather severe-looking...

The Prince and the Fuhrer.(Book review)
August 12, 2006... ROYALS AND THE REICH by Jonathan Petropoulos Oxford, [pounds sterling]20, pp. 524, ISBN 0199203776 . [pounds sterling]16 (plus [pounds sterling]2.45 p&p) 0870 429 6655 Anyone interested in the history of Germany, of nationalism or of...

Cool Morning.(Poem)
August 12, 2006... Mid-August, even so, a faint hint, gift of autumn momentarily -- a sweet soft breeze. With slender branches trees entreat a sift of foliage. Their fingers lift. Then half a dozen paper leaves adrift blow in and dance round summer-sandalled...

A member of the awkward squad.(Book review)
August 12, 2006... A SPECIAL PROVIDENCE by Richard Yates Methuen, [pounds sterling]7.99, pp. 304, ISBN 0413775194 . [pounds sterling]6.39 (plus [pounds sterling]2.45 p&p) 0870 429 6655 On an autumn Saturday in 1944 Private Robert Prentice, an 18-year-old...

Meandering with a mazy motion.(Book review)
August 12, 2006... ONE GOOD TURN by Kate Atkinson Doubleday, [pounds sterling]17.99, pp. 396, ISBN 9786385608008 . [pounds sterling]14.39 (plus [pounds sterling]2.45 p&p) 0870 429 6655 Kate Atkinson's previous novel, Case Histories, was a successful...

The past is always present.(Book review)
August 12, 2006... THE SEA LADY by Margaret Drabble Penguin/Fig Tree, [pounds sterling]17.99, pp. 345, ISBN 0670916498 . [pounds sterling]14.39 (plus [pounds sterling]2.45 p&p) 0870 429 6655 'Nothing was over. Nothing is ever over.' Thus muses Humphrey Clark...

The most famous, if not the tallest.(Book review)
August 12, 2006... NEAREST THING TO HEAVEN by Mark Kingwell Yale, [pounds sterling]16.99, pp. 235, ISBN 030010622X . [pounds sterling]13.59 (plus [pounds sterling]2.45 p&p) 0870 429 6655 Before the fire, before the ash, before the Bodies tumbling solitary...

On the Wight track.(Book review)
August 12, 2006... THE BUILDINGS OF ENGLAND : THE ISLE OF WIGHT by David W. Lloyd and Nikolaus Pevsner Yale, [pounds sterling]19.95, pp. 348, ISBN 0300107331 . [pounds sterling]15.95 (plus [pounds sterling]2.45 p&p) 0870 429 6655 In one of P. G. Wodehouse's...

The eyes have it.(Book review)
August 12, 2006... THE SIGHT OF DEATH : AN EXPERIMENT IN ART WRITING by T. J. Clark Yale, [pounds sterling]20, pp. 260, ISBN 0300117264 . [pounds sterling]16 (plus [pounds sterling]2.45 p&p) 0870 429 6655 Early in January 2000 the art historian T. J. Clark...

Rubbing along together.(Book review)
August 12, 2006... COSMOPOLITANISM : ETHICS IN A WORLD OF STRANGERS by Kwame Anthony Appiah Penguin, [pounds sterling]16.99, pp. 196, ISBN 9780713999419 Is what divides mankind more important than what unites it? Are there irreconcilable conflicts between...

Fatal attraction.(Adolf Hitler)
August 12, 2006... When Prince Harry stirred up a fuss by wearing Nazi uniform to a fancy-dress party he found a gallant defender in Paul Johnson who wrote that 'in treating Nazi insignia as a party joke' the young prince 'reflects the instincts of his...

Intelligent design.
August 12, 2006... The Grade I listed Queen Anne townhouse in North Pallant in the city of Chichester, for the past 20 years the home of Walter Hussey's collection of modern British art, has been closed while undergoing a major extension project. I have been...

Menonly.
August 12, 2006... Watching the Queen being greeted by Canon Lucy Winkett on the steps of St Paul's Cathedral the other day, as HM arrived for her 80th birthday service, reminded me of a hypocrisy which is quietly but deliberately maintained in buildings of this...

Guilty pleasures.
August 12, 2006... A vitally important new poll in Q, the once readable music monthly, has chosen 'Livin' Thing' by ELO as number one in a list of musical 'guilty pleasures', followed by Boston's 'More Than A Feeling', S Club 7's 'Don't Stop Movin' ' and 10cc's...

Class act.
August 12, 2006... Like footsteps in the sands of time, record companies have provided the raw material around which jazz history has been constructed -- RCA Victor, which recorded the first bona fide jazz band in 1917 and was the first to cash in on the...

Missing links.(Swan Lake)(Dance review)
August 12, 2006... The Pharaoh's Daughter; Swan Lake Bolshoi Ballet, Royal Opera House The Russian dance expert and writer Valerian Svetlov censured the ballet The Pharaoh's Daughter in his 1912 book Le Ballet Contemporain. According to the enlightened...

Greene pastures.(The Third Man)(Movie review)
August 12, 2006... The Third Man PG, National Film Theatre In a change to the scheduled programme, I will not be reviewing Lady in the Water (PG) this week because it simply doesn't deserve 800 words of either praise or damnation. Actually, I will just give...

Joining forces.(Forging the Union )(Radio program review)
August 12, 2006... The origins of the corrupt, wasteful and inefficient entity we call the European Union are being explored in Forging the Union (Mondays), a four-part series on Radio Four presented by Allan Little, a former foreign correspondent, though he...

King of the moor.
August 12, 2006... The red grouse is a resilient little bird. Prone to an unpleasant disease called louping ill which is transmitted by sheep ticks, and vulnerable to attack by nasty, invasive little worms, its population may crash in some moorland areas for...

Classic dual.(Column)
August 12, 2006... A vicar at a wedding I was at last week told of a driver who broke down with a lorryload of penguins. He flagged down another lorry and offered its driver [pounds sterling]100 to deliver his consignment promptly to the zoo. His own vehicle...

People's choice.(Column)
August 12, 2006... A great two-week cruise was marred by the mother of my children's insistence that I was the most unpopular person on board. This was ridiculous. All I did was torture Sascha Bismarck, aged ten, by throwing him overboard at every opportunity...