Esquire articles from November 2004

Esquire archives from November 2004

The life and death of Peter Sellers.(Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Movie Review)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... HBO Films presents The Life and Death of Peter Sellers, a kaleidoscopic look inside the unquiet mind of Peter Sellers. Despite his Hollywood success, his comic virtuosity belied a troubled private life plagued b-y self-loathing, insecurity and...

The perfect gift for everyone on your list ...(Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... Avon Salon & Spa, New York City's prestige beauty destination, provides the perfect gift. From indulgent services to luxury spa treatments, Avon Salon & Spa is on everyone's holiday list. Mention this ad with any Gift Certificate purchase and...

XM Satellite Radio.(Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... If you haven't heard XM yet, you're missing out. It's over 130 digital channels of news, sports, talk and 100% commercial-free music. The Delphi XM Roady2[TM] works in your car, and it connects to the new cordless Cambridge Soundworks...

Tourneau.(Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... Tourneau, the world's largest watch store, has expanded its existing Las Vegas store from 1,000 to nearly 18,000 square feet, at The Forum Shops at Caesars. With the latest technology and innovative design, Tourneau showcases a collection of...

Zappos.com.(Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... The Web's most popular shoe store. Over 190 brands of shoes--all sizes and widths! FREE SHIPPING and FREE RETURN SHIPPING. Leave those long lines and crowded malls behind forever. Hassle-free online shopping from the comfort of your home--24...

The sound and the fury.(Letter to the Editor)
November 1, 2004... THE FASHION TRIUMVIRATE of Andre 3000, Paul Bettany, and Javier Bardem ruled the cover of September's Style issue. Inside, Scott "Hoo Boy" Raab survived three rounds with a female boxing powerhouse ("Last Tango in Cleveland), Christopher...

What it looks like: play-at-home edition.(Letter to the Editor)
November 1, 2004... With all due respect to Carmen Electra ("What It Feels Like," August), my wife's panty drawer is much hotter and sexier! I have attached a photo so you may judge. RAY PETRUNICH Rockland, Del.

Colossally ravaged.(Letter to the Editor)
November 1, 2004... With his Bush defense "The Colossal Battle," Moral Majority cofounder Tim LaHaye spurred quite a backlash. I had to read LaHaye's endorsement of Bush twice just to make sure he wasn't kidding. In the course of one article, he managed to...

Couture clash.(Letter to the Editor)
November 1, 2004... Our pick--and placement--of the planet's best dressed man irked some readers. Has Esquire lost its mind? Maybe Andre 3000 is the world's most unusually dressed man, but best dressed? Whoa. Someone better tell Brooks Brothers that lime...

Who you callin' fucknuts?(Letter to the Editor)
November 1, 2004... With his September column about the HBO reality series Family Bonds, Chuck Klosterman may have crossed the wrong bounty-hunting clan. Mr. Klosterman needs a lesson in manners and a new job because he had nothing to say about the show, but...

Old-school manliness.(Letter to the Editor)
November 1, 2004... Readers may not be able to drop everything and live like the woodsman described in Christopher McDougall's article, but at least they can genuflect. I come from a longline of outdoorsmen, cattlemen, and a few antisocial drunks, and I would...

Boxing a broad.(Letter to the Editor)
November 1, 2004... Not everyone saw eye to eye on the legitimacy of Scott Raab's adventure in pugilism. Raab nailed the essence, the white-hot moment of self-discovery that is boxing. It is the most demanding of training regimens, fully pushing every muscle...

Hormonally overwhelmed letter of the month.(Letter to the Editor)
November 1, 2004... Here are some legs I'd like to see in your magazine: Kirsten Dunst's, Natalia from Telemundo's Cotorreando's, Sarah Michelle Gellar's, Lucy Liu's, Ms. Smith from CBS News's, Mira Sorvino's, Rebecca Romijn's, Maria Menounos's, Melina...

Cheney's brain.(Editor's Letter)(Editorial)
November 1, 2004... ON PAGE 150, you'll find Walter Russell Mead's story about Vice-President Dick Cheney. As we travel the final couple of weeks toward the election, it's Cheney who deserves special consideration. Yes, the election is primarily about the two...

Swiss army hosts a deep sea adventure ...(By Invitationly)(Brief Article)(Advertisement)
November 1, 2004... On Thursday, August 19th. Esquire. Swiss Army and Random House hosted an exclusive event at the Swiss Army SOHO store to celebrate Robert Kurson's thrilling book Shadow Divers. As 250 guests enjoyed Patron Tequila cocktails, author Robert...

Funny * joke from a beautiful woman.(Man at His Best; Leonor Watling )(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... As told by LEONOR WATLING Jorge and Ernesto are talking one afternoon when Jorge tells Ernesto. "I believe I'm Ready for a holiday. Only this year I'll do it differently. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three...

The seven most remarkable things in culture this month.(The awards)
November 1, 2004... (1) Loveliest Beach --From The Piretti Calendar: The Complete Works 40 Years, a new Collection of classic pinups [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] (2) Ballsiest Boast "I sneeze and hits come out." --Dandy Warhols frontman Courtney...

Sex ed.(Books)(Brief Article)(Book Review)
November 1, 2004... WITH THE FCC cracking down on racy language and several states banning the sale of sex toys, it seems no breast or dildo will ever be safe again. So before team Ashcroft takes away our dirty books, we decided to sample a few new titles--for...

Really short reviews.(Brief Article)(Book Review)
November 1, 2004... 1. Cutty, One Rock, by August Kleinzahler (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, $18). Nine autobiographically linked stories, all tinged with alcohol, literature, and contemplation, all reminiscent of a six-hour slog at the local bar with a close...

The rules.
November 1, 2004... RULE NO. 241: One out of every four spiritual, healers used to be a dental assistant. RULE NO. 642: No one ever got laid by wearing a sperm costume on Halloween. RULE NO. 672: It is never a good idea to compare the trajectory of your life with...

Big important: book of the month.(Book Review)
November 1, 2004... WHAT'S INTERESTING about reading a John Updike book is that every word, every scene, every vaguely misogynistic simile used to describe the unending daisy chain of oddly singular suburban luck buddies, every pastoral snatch of, well, pastoral...

The best movie we've seen since tomorrow: the time-bending thriller Primer is the coolest sci-fi flick since The Matrix. Maybe since 2001.(Movies)(Movie Review)
November 1, 2004... SCIENCE-FICTION MOVIES set in the present day have a kind of stubborn purity about them. At its core, sci-fi traffics in ideas, implications, ramifications; place these in the context of an imaginary future, with its myriad technological...

Q+A: Trey Parker & Matt Stone.(Movies)(Interview)
November 1, 2004... TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE has everything you could ask for in a big-budget action flick: exotic locations, thrilling chase scenes, and hundreds of puppets. And not just any puppets--Kim Jong II, Michael Moore, and Hans Blix puppets. Esquire...

Rule breakers: reconsidering the merits of cameos, rock operas, and kiddie bop.(Music)
November 1, 2004... MUSIC AIN'T MATH, but it's also not as subjective as it's cracked up to be. There is, in fact, plenty to be certain of these days. Australian rock bands will always sound like AC/DC. Beyonce will repeat her choruses more than 50 times. And...

This month's lesson: the Pen, the Sword, and the Song.(Music Lessons with John Mayer)
November 1, 2004... EVERY DECADE has its struggle, and every struggle has its songs. A song allows some people the opportunity to remember their lives and gives those who weren't born yet a good rough idea. If you're like me and weren't lucid in the '60s, you...

What I've learned ... from the Encyclopedia.(Culture)
November 1, 2004... > I haven't climbed Mount Everest. Never ran a marathon. Until recently, my only impressive accomplishment was my collection of airsickness bags from every major airline. So I decided to try something big: read the Encyclopaedia Brittanica. All...

The great American sack suit is under siege.(Style)
November 1, 2004... "YOU AMERICANS and your huge armholes," said my Neapolitan tailor's son Marco with venom, spearing his pesce spada with a fork. "In your jackets," he went on. Stab stab. "Why do you people like big huge armholes and flippy-floppy bodies? No...

If you never buy another: cuff link.(Style)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... THE TROUBLE WITH humorous cuff links is that invariably, they're either old school in inspiration and make you look like a fastidious old buffoon or they're cheap and funky and make you look as if you bought them for a dime in lieu of a proper...

Night quest: our frightened director goes a-bear-hunting. Sort of.(The Digital Man; night-vision scopes)
November 1, 2004... THIS MONTH, Sweetie and I are still at our Telluride, Colorado, home. Dreading our return to the manicured Hamptons, I figured I'd try out a manly activity-finding the bear that is tipping over our garbage dumpster. Esquire sent me a pair of...

What's in your netflix queue?(The Digital Man)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... 1] Heaven Can Wait: A hearty perfect film, starring and directed by Warren Beatty and Buck Henry. 2] Marathon Man: I love movies with Nazis, especially when they die. 3] The Killing of a Chinese Bookie: You feel for Ben Gazzara's character. He...

What's your Bush IQ? Maybe you've heard a bit about his stance on terror. But do you know his favorite ice cream? Tennis champ? Bearded musician?(Politics; George W. Bush)
November 1, 2004... 1. As president of the Yale chapter of Delta Kappa Epsiton, Bush described what hazing practice as insignificant? A. Streaking B. Branding pledges with a hot coat hanger C. Excessive drinking D. Photographing freshmen in a...

What's your Kerry IQ? Perhaps you've heard he won some purple hearts. But what about his favorite sandwich? Prep-school band? Halloween costume?(Politics; John Kerry )
November 1, 2004... 1. Before he married Teresa Heinz, John Kerry dated which of the following popular '80s actresses? A. Molly Ringwald B. Morgan Fairchild C. Kathleen Turner D. Whoopi Goldberg 2. Which of these is one of Kerry's favorite...

The hurried man's guide to the issues: unless your name is Bush or Kerry, you probably don't have time for all the scripted speeches, bad commercials, and fumbling candidates. But take 64 seconds to save democracy.(Politics)(Illustration)
November 1, 2004... ISSUE BUSH KERRY STEM-CELL RESEARCH Murderous Miraculous BUDGET DEFICIT We cool--I'll cut We broke--I'll do it in...

Draft dodging, insanity, flop-flipping & Kung Pao Shrimp: as a public service preceding the latest most important elections of our lifetime, Answer Fella decrypts the stereotypes surrounding the two jerks running for president.(Politics)
November 1, 2004... Is George W. Bush dumb? Sure. That's how come he's the most powerful man on the planet, white AF, who aced Dr. Olsen's Dante seminar and flat-out torched the GREs, can't decide between the Kung Pao Shrimp and General Tso's Chicken. ...

Buying time: when it comes to buying a watch, there is one universal truth: a watch is not for telling time. That's just a bonus.(The Esquire Catalog)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... The Four Watches Every Man Should Own (1) PANERAI LUMINOR MARINA: When this Italian-navy-issue diver's watch--officially a state secret unfit 1993--compete with patented lever protection for the crown, was reincarnated in the late nineties...

9 when investing in a fine watch, the value is in the details.(The Esquire Catalog)
November 1, 2004... (1) THE TRANSPARENT BACK OF THE A. LANGE 8, SOHNE CHRONO: Some watchmakers are so proud of the movements that drive their watches, they'll go all, out to expose the inner workings. This is always true of A. Lange & Sohne, the only German...

8 arm candy.(The Esquire Catalog; watches)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... A well-dressed arm doesn't stop at your watch. Here's how to put it all together. 1. Steel Ergon watch with alligator strap ($2,700) by Bulgari; three-button wool jacket (part of suit, $695) by Jack Victor Collection; Here how to put it...

Ten things you don't know about women.(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... 1. I don't care if you're Edgar Bronfman Jr. or Edgar the clerk at the grocery store; spring for a decent pair of shoes. 2. Even if cupping your hand in front of your mouth yields no results, you may still have bad breath. It's okay; we all...

Guil * ty plea * sures: the curious etymology of a phrase gone wrong.(Chuck Klosterman's America; refections on newly published Encyclopedia of Guilty Pleasures: 1,001 Things You Hate to Love )
November 1, 2004... EVERY SO OFTEN, I look at the condition of the world and suspect that our most wide-spread problem is the ever-growing sentiment of anti-intellectualism that seems to permeate everything, particularly politics (where intelligent candidates are...

Sex.
November 1, 2004... Before I turn fifty, please tell me what is meant sexually by first, second, third, and home bases. For the last forty-odd years, everyone I've asked has just laughed at me. Now, now, they're not laughing at you; they're laughing about...

The restless man.(Real Adventures for Regular Guys; ice climbing)
November 1, 2004... From the moment I tear open the shipping carton and heft the wickedly curved bright-yellow axes, I have the feeling I'm going to love ice climbing. Shaped like big number 3's, the hyperdesigned metal shafts fit my hands like prostheses. They're...

Performance enhancer of the month: lifewave energy patches.(Getting Better)
November 1, 2004... Recently, I was intrigued by an article about a new energy patch being worn by swimmers at the U.S. Olympic trials. No one had thought to run the patches by the U. S. Anti-Doping Agency beforehand, and there was subsequent concern about what...

Cardio audio.(Getting Better)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... THE NUMBER-ONE reason people stop going to the gym? Boredom. Here, nine ways to keep that from happening to you. Tracks available wherever music is downloaded. 1. PAUL WELLER, "THINKING OF YOU" Heartwarming soul from the Jam icon. 2....

On votin': a 30-second sermon.(Getting Better)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... WHEN I WAS GROWING UP, the voting age was twenty-one. But I wasn't thinking about registering to vote on my twenty-first birthday, and I'll tell you why. After I won the gold medal in the '68 Olympics, I went to Las Vegas. You had to be...

The One $2 Stock Every American Should Own: internet companies are back. And five years later, the worst call I ever made is now one of the best investments you can make.(The Portfolio; E-Loan Inc. stock)
November 1, 2004... I FUCKED UP. A few years ago, I wrote a story in these pages called "The One Stock Every American Should Own." I explained why the stock (and the company) had only green pastures ahead. And because I put my money where my mouth is, I lost some...

How to play the November bounce.(stock market)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... >> You've probably heard of the January effect--the stock market rally that typically hits in the new year. (A quick refresher: Investors dump their portfolio's losers in late December to stash their tax bills; then buyers swoop in to grab...

I'm still standing.(BNR '04; country's best restaurants)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... And 356 meals later, I can happily report to you that 2004 was the best gear to dine out in America, Ever. People are filling up restaurants again, prices have not risen (except in Vegas), Japanese restaurants are getting more exciting, Italian...

Best new restaurants '04.
November 1, 2004... ATLANTA Rathbun's A restaurant set in a large warehouse often means overwhelming noise and way too many diners flagging down way too few waiters delivering way too tepid plates of food. But somehow chef and owner Kevin Rathbun has kept...

Patina: Los Angeles.(Restaurant of the Year)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... ONLY ONCE BEFORE in more than twenty years of compiling Esquire's annual roundup of great American dining have I named a new version of an old restaurant as the Restaurant of the Year (New York's Le Cirque 2000, in 1997). But the new Patina is...

The awards.(restaurants and chefs)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... CHEFS TO KEEP AN EYE ON Anthony Goncalves, Trotters, White Plains, New York (914-421-5012) | Robert Sulatyckg, Seasons at the Four Seasons, Chicago (312-649-2349) | Robert Iacovone, Cuvee, New Orleans (504-587-9001) | Craig Koketsu, Manhattan...

Dubious achievements of food.
November 1, 2004... THEY DON'T CALL HIM MR. HARDT FOR NOTHING Superintendent Darrel Hardt of Signal Hill, Illinois, took the local high school honor club to Hooters while on a school trip, explaining to parents that it was the only inexpensive restaurant...

Megu: New York.(Best New Design; restaurant)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... WHY QUENTIN TARANTINO had to spend good money on the tiered-restaurant set in Kill Bill Vol. 1 is beyond us. All he had to do was rent out Megu, whose $6 million, thirteen-thousand-square-foot interior by designer Yasumichi Morita sprawls over...

The coolest men's rooms in America.(restrooms)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... 1. Dusk, New York Sneak a peek at what, or who, your date is doing by peering out at the bar from behind the one-way-mirrored glass installed over the urinals. (147 West Twenty-fourth Street; 212-924-4490) 2. Madonna Inn, San Luis...

Masa Takayama: Masa: New York.(Chef of the Year)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... DO YOU HAVE what it takes to face the best Japanese chef in the country? First, you must be humble: You will not order here (there are no menus) but will allow Takayama to serve what he wants to serve you. You must be disciplined: You will...

Hostess of the year.(Seanna Harrington)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... NAME: Seanna Harrington, hostess and manager RESTAURANT: Ibiza, Houston DATE OF BIRTH: March 31, 1973 HOMETOWN: Houston, but spent childhood sailing the Gulf with parents. SHIFT; Lunches, weekend nights. ATTIRE: The...

Angelina Jolie: how many do we love? Over the next nineteen pages, we can only make a start. You might as well ask how many smooth black sones it takes to cradle and angel ...(Women We Love)(Interview)
November 1, 2004... She materializes in the dark lobby bar at the Hotel Bel-Air, a wisp of smoke, rate but somehow unexpected. She looks at me attentively with large blue eyes. Her hair is long and chestnut colored, framing her porcelain face, her lips...

The women you love survey.
November 1, 2004... The results are in, and the survey says... we chose the right cover girl (see No. 34). Plus: Ellen's the funniest female, Winona's the sexiest felon, and Jackie O.'s the foxiest first lady of all time. 1 Sexiest pop star Britney...

The Esquire office survey.(women men of Esquire magazine love)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... But enough about you. Here, the women that the men of Esquire magazine can't get enough of. Dina Matos McGreevey, because she understood by her gay American man. Adriana Lima, because of superiorpics.com/ adriana_lima/index.html....

Serena Williams.(Women We Love)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... Yeah, yeah. We know all about the 'ovas. The heirs to Kournikova. Sharapova and Hantuchova and all the lesser 'ovas, including that one 'eva. Yes, we appreciate the way they look in their clingy, scoop-cut dresses and their legs that go all the...

Carolyn Murphy.(Women We Love; model)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... You gotta love imperfection. The stray mole, the big hands, the huge forehead. Spice of life and all that. But among supermodels, physical idiosyncrasy has become a sort of gold standard. Throw a rock and you'll hit a model who's a little...

Mandy Moore.(Women We Love)(Brief Article)
November 1, 2004... When the name Mandy Moore came up for a Woman We Love slot, the reaction from the office illuminati was a predictable seismic pop-culture backlash. As banal and unexamined as their position turned out to be, let's go through and answer...

"Pick me up at 7," she said: an innocent evening at the ballpark with conservative heartthrob Ann Coulter turns into a night of right-wing passion.(Interview)
November 1, 2004... LATE SUMMER, NEW YORK CITY, and I'm out on the town with Ann Coulter, ultraright queen of spleen, the bosomy scourge of liberals everywhere, and the one person in America who feels that maybe the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth went a bit easy on...

The revolutionary.(Dick Cheney)(Biography)
November 1, 2004... He has many faces, all gray. He is a symphony in gray. He ranges the spectrum from vanilla to colorless to dull. Even the pink of his lip and the blue of his eyes are gray. As the Trojan horse for a contemporary American revolution, he is...

Big night.(Esquire Style)
November 1, 2004... A little gathering at the National Arts Club one night this fall proved that there are as many ways to wear the new black tie as there are creative types in Manhattan. THE PARTY PEOPLE (from previous page) 1) Brian Lemond, sculptor, in...

Oliver Stone: director, 58, Santa Monica.(What I've Learned)(Interview)
November 1, 2004... I'm not a great man. I'm a fuckin' man like you, struggling through the goddamn day. I believe in this country. But I don't think it belongs to a certain bunch of screwballs who think we ought to dominate the world. Ali G is the...

The discerning Art Patron's Guide & gallery tip sheet.(Comic)
November 1, 2004... ASK PLENTY OF QUESTIONS! DON'T EVEN TRY TO TALK THE TALK! STAY COOL AT AUCTIONS! AND ABOVE ALL, WEAR GOOD SHOES!

How to buy art: a useful Esquire service story in which our reporter makes an ass of himself to spare you a similar experience.
November 1, 2004... So is this stuff, like, for sale? This stuff being art, the good shit--a dozen drawings by Edward Ruscha and a giant Andy Warhol Rorschach that is either a mating grasshopper or an angry vagina. [paragraph] I'm admiring these pieces in the...

The cult of the striper: every year at this time, as the eastern seaboard of America percolates with striped bass migrating south, a million men trudge out into the surf in the dark to try to pull them from the ocean. Why? Well, it's certainly not about the fish.
November 1, 2004... A HEADLAMP SWITCHES ON IN THE DARKness of a September night, illuminating a pale fish twisting on sand in a narrow come of light. The fish is perhaps a yard long. Dark stripes run along its length. Its yellow eyes are bright. Odor rises through...

The Penthouse Forum ombudsman.(This Way Out)
November 1, 2004... Dear Penthouse Forum readers, I never thought your letters were real until I was appointed the ombudsman of this magazine. While Penthouse is intended for your entertainment, we also strive for accuracy and exemplary ethics. That s where I come...