Esquire articles from May 2008

Esquire archives from May 2008

In terms of letters, March was a month of unprecedented overlap. Not only did you write about things like sandwiches and Scharzenegger, sometimes you wrote about both. We're calling it letter synergy.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Table)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... What you wrote about: How to dress casually 2% 0.7% Governor Schwarzenegger 4% 0.2% Sandwiches 83% A trip to Cuba 0.5% 0.25% Glenn Fitzpatrick 3% 0.3% Bryan Anderson...

A new (?) brand of politics.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
May 1, 2008... In the March issue, writer at large Tom Junod profiled California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger ("The President of 12% of Us"). Thanks for the great article on Arnold. Whether his decisions are right or wrong, he definitely wants action....

Sergeant Anderson part two.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
May 1, 2008... Iraq War veteran, triple amputee, and January 2007 cover subject Bryan Anderson was back in the March issue, where contributing editor Brian Mockenhaupt updated readers on his progress--and how prosthetics technology is trying to keep up...

Highlight from a letter we won't be running.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... "Start denying your nature and give sex like men give flowers." "Google me this, butthead, on your caveman computer." "I positioned myself comfortably on my toilet about a month ago."

Good thing we called it incomplete.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
May 1, 2008... Also included in the March issue was a compendium of great sandwiches ("The Esquire Encyclopedia of Sandwiches"). While I heartily agree that the Ferdi Special at Mother's in New Orleans is a feast for the senses, I am surprised that the...

We're just thankful magazines are so stable.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
May 1, 2008... David Simon, a reporter at The Baltimore Sun for thirteen years and a writer and producer of HBO's The Wire, described his early experiences at the paper and the changes and cutbacks that he sees leading to its eventual downfall (Essay, March)....

The art of medicine.(LETTER-INSPIRED FICTION)(Fictional work)
May 1, 2008... "I feel like I have hot-chocolate blood and golden skin," she says. Wind is rattling the walls. I'm thinking, It's starting again. She squirms until the blanket's twisted, hugs her knees until she shakes. It's a single bed, a bare...

Esquire at MOMA.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATIONS OMITTED] It's been a while since Esquire's been exhibited at a museum. Forever, actually. But that'll finally change on April 25. From that historic day through March 31, 2009, the Museum of Modern Art in New York City will...

Editor's letter.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Editorial)
May 1, 2008... WHEN YOU READ Chris Jones's story, "The Things That Carried Him," beginning on page 102, it will be impossible for you not to be deeply moved. Jones's story about the death of one young soldier and his long journey home is one of the greatest...

Admiral Fallon.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Admiral William "Fox" Fallon)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... As this issue went to press, word arrived of the sudden resignation of Admiral William "Fox" Fallon, the chief of Central Command, in the wake of Tom Barnett's penetrating profile of him in our April issue. It appears that Admiral Fallon's...

Contributor books.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Brief article)(Book review)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] "I don't know dick about cars or racing, and God knows I don't want to know, but if you could fornicate with metal, I'd mount this curved and panting thing and dry-hump it until the grease monkeys put their torque...

Glenn Fitzpatrick inspires you.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
May 1, 2008... March's This Way In included a What I've Learned interview with our retiring general manager, Glenn Fitzpatrick, who was recently diagnosed with ALS. I have been a subscriber for more than twenty years, and the different personalities...

Something to do at Esquire.com.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Win stuff. No matter how nice your morn thinks you look, she's not going to fly you to New York City, put you in Esquire, give you a $10,000 wardrobe and a trip to Switzerland, and get you on the Today show. But we...

A mustache we wish we could take responsibility for and a bar quest we can.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
May 1, 2008... I am a CPA, and around the time your article on mustaches (Man at His Best, January) came out, I had just decided to grow one of my own for the first time. My goal is to grow it out at least until the tax deadline, April 15, 2008. DANNY...

We choose to take this as a compliment.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
May 1, 2008... March's Ten Things You Don't Know About Women confirmed what I long suspected: Tracey Ullman is as beautiful as she is funny. PHILLIP TROBAUGH St. Paul, Minn.

Elsewhere in the bin.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Letter to the editor)
May 1, 2008... As a grandfather of four, I'm exposed to a lot of kids' TV. Without a doubt, the best thing on any channel, children's or otherwise, is Nina on the Goodnight Show on PBS Kids Sprout. Mention this to any dad or granddad, and he'll agree. She...

Potentially unfair stereotypes based on this month's letters.(This Way In: THE SOUND & THE FURY)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... Children in Reseda, California, are tiny. CPAs without mustaches will get you audited. New Orleans residents give undeserved credence to the sandwich tastes of the Manning family. Grandfathers aren't watching PBS Kids Sprout to...

The Best sandwiches in America: reader addendum.
May 1, 2008... When you order a sandwich, you usually get a pickle. Maybe chips. Put together a catalog of exceptional sandwiches ("The Esquire Encyclopedia of Sandwiches," March) and you get more than three hundred additions and corrections from your...

Celebrating 75 years, part II.(This Way In: THE MAKING OF THE COVER)
May 1, 2008... Picking a second iconic cover to re-create for our seventy-fifth anniversary wasn't easy. Especially when we decided to try a classic bait and switch-to tempt you with something beautiful just to get you to read an important piece of reporting...

The vocabulary: (terms and ideas you will encounter in the pages that follow. Great for conversation).(Man at His Best)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] * COLONIZER'S ADVANTAGE n: A favorable linguistic position enjoyed by the British in America, whereby an utterance ("Can I buy you a drink?" or "Please hand me that file" or "Uh," for instance) sounds funnier,...

Tina Fey, make us laugh.(Q + A)(Interview)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Tina Fey talked comedy with Esquire's A. J. Jacobs on the set of 30 Rock in Queens, New York. The show recently returned from its strike-induced hiatus. You can also see Fey this month alongside Amy Poehler in the...

Notable dabbling.(Man at His Best: The Culture)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... How Scarlett Johansson's CD stacks up against other important forays MOST SUCCESSFUL [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] * George Foreman, reduced-fat grilling [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] * Snakefish, breathing * Robert De Niro,...

The hall of cultural significance: the six most intriguing performances this month.(Man at His Best: The Culture)
May 1, 2008... ODD BUT FRUITFUL PAIRING [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Robert Downey Jr. and body armor in Iron Man. No actor plays the role of the sarcastic motormouth better than Downey. Which is why giving him the power of flight seems curious. But Downey...

The underrated oeuvre: Def Leppard.(Music)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... TIM McGRAW appears on Def Leppard's new album. I have no idea what that means. But I do know that if Def Lep had sat out the '90s, they'd be playing Pyromania in its entirety at summer festivals. Instead, their classic three-album run--High 'n"...

1,026 pages of required reading: three dark, beautiful reasons why late spring is one of the best seasons in publishing.(Books)(Book review)
May 1, 2008... 1. The Garden of Last Days, by Andre Dubus III The terrorists were anything but cowards. That's what Bill Maher said on air a week after 9/11. And then he was patriotically canned by ABC. In his new novel, which is muscular and...

W.C. Heinz, 1915-2008.(Man at His Best: The Culture)(Obituary)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] WHEN I WAS YOUNG, someone gave me one of W.C. Heinz's stories, "Death of a Racehorse," published in the New York Sun in 1949, and told me that it contained every truth about good writing. Later, Heinz wrote for...

A book for nonreaders.(Man at His Best: The Culture)(Brief article)(Book review)
May 1, 2008... The third in a series of collected rock posters, Art of Modern Rock: Poster Girls (Chronicle $19) celebrates the woman as rock icon. The collection suggests that rock-chick iconography hasn't changed that much over the last 50 years. (The...

The suggestion: radical rereading.(Books)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATIONS OMITTED] PUT BEGGARS BANQUET on repeat and you're a Stones fan. Watch GoodFellas twice a year and you're into Scorsese. But read a book more than once or twice and you're an obsessive. Of course, some books only need to be...

The homely era.(Opinion)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] For too long, we were denied the joys of ugly rock stars--the everyman's vicarious vessel for living out our rock 'n' roll dreams. The '80s obviously hit artists with faces for radio the hardest, which worked out...

Things it's okay for a man to do while shirtless in public.(Man at His Best: The Culture)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... * Beach-go. Have appendix removed. Sit in any sect on labeled "splash zone." Attend Burning Man. Crawl toward an oasis. Hew something. Watch a friend get busted on Cops (in person or on TV) Celebrate a bicycle kick. Stanch the bleeding of a...

The angry German: Enqlishmen in America.(Man at His Best: The Culture)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] (This article is best read aloud in a German accent.) DEAR AMERICANS, Please, if you hear someone speak with an English accent, it does not make him smart by default. There are millions of people in England who...

Funny * joke from a beautiful woman.(Man at His Best: The Culture)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... A BLIND MAN walks into a store with his seeing-eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and shouts, "What are you doing?!" The blind man replies, "Just...

Excellent views.(THE DIGITAL MAN)(Product/service evaluation)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] I'M A VISUAL GUY. I started out my film career as a cinematographer, shooting the first three Coen brothers movies. Although I tend to see the world through a wide-angle (and pessimistic) lens, I'm also interested in...

May dilemma no. 1: you never hit a home run in softball.(Man at His Best: The Instructions)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... Consultant: "Big" Bruce Meade, Softball Hall of Famer [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] {1} The ring finger of the bottom hand goes over the knob of the bat, and the little finger hangs below it. The top hand cups the bottom one--only the...

Whiskey burger.(DRINKING)(Recipe)
May 1, 2008... Some of the younger associates here at the Esquire Institute for Advanced Research in Mixology have taken to hanging out in the kind of cutting-edge bars where you can get foie-gras-flavored manhattans and crunch-style White Russians....

May dilemma no. 2: you scuff your shoe right before a big meeting.(Man at His Best: The Instructions)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... Consultant: Nick Sullivan, Esquire fashion director [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] {1} Find a banana. Peel it completely and set aside the banana. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] {2} Rub the inside of the banana peel lightly on the...

Suicidal mind games, fake bullets & decaf.(Answer Fella)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out...

How to use your facial hair.(GROOMING)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... There are plenty of reasons to grow a beard. Maybe your face gets chapped. Maybe you need to show solidarity with your offensive line. Maybe you want to be president sometime between 1861 and 1913. Plus, according to the pogonologist (beard...

Mind the beard line.(THE SUGGESTION)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Many years ago, growing a beard was easy. You just stopped shaving. Where your beard ended-chin, neck, or somewhere after your chest hair began--was nobody's concern, least of all yours. Now things are different....

Sex: I hear all this fuss about penis size and how important it is to women. Is this true?--Sent from my iPhone.(Man at His Best: The Instructions)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Yes, 100 percent.--Sent from my iQuill. (I jest, of course. There's no such thing as an iQuill.) Nevertheless, it would be bad form not to consult Sadie Allison, who is, after all, "America's Pleasure Coach"...

May dilemma no. 3: your pinata is taking too long to crack open.(Man at His Best: The Instructions)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... Consultant: Michael Balibera, president and CEO of Pinatas.com [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] {1} Tell the kids to aim low, on four-legged-animal shapes, the weakest parts are usually the protruding legs, so if you aim for them, you've...

The world's best $500 suit.(SPRING SUITS)(Buyers guide)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] HUNDRED dollars may or may not seem like a lot of money. For a pair of hand-rubbed shoes, it's a bargain; for a pair of sunglasses, it's highway robbery. With a suit, $500 is either a high price for a bad one or a...

The best four for under $1,000.(SPRING SUITS)(Buyers guide)(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... THE CHALK-STRIPE SUIT Why it's the best: The fitted waist, razor-sharp power cut, and meaty chalk-stripe pattern add length and definition to the torso and legs. Two-button wool suit ($550) and linen pocket square ($48) by Tommy...

The best four for under $2,000.(SPRING SUITS)(Buyers guide)
May 1, 2008... THE PEAK-LAPEL SUIT Why it's the best: Details like the pinstripes and the extra ticket pocket look dressy but not stodgy. Two-button wool-and-mohair suit ($1.450) by Paul Smith; cotton shirt ($145) by Gant; silk tie ($195) by...

MySpace.com/Doppelganger: Hannah Montana would be nothing without the Internet. In fact, she is the Internet.(chuck klosterman's AMERICA)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Whenever a teenage entertainer becomes semifamous, its usually for a semiprodictable reason. Very often, it's because the performer happens to possess an unorthodox attractiveness that only like-minded kids instantly...

10 things you don't know about women.(Brief article)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] 1. Unless we have silver hair or are a poet laureate, don't ever call us ma'am. Try girl. Justin Timberlake has made a career out of its generous use. 2. I look like a fool in a dress if you're in a T-shirt and...

No: not "no, thanks." Not "nope." Just "no." Clear, unambiguous, empowering "no." But not in a mean way.(influence)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] I had a high school English teacher named Mr. Turk, who insisted that the best sentences in the world were just two words. Subject and verb. He said our class had proven too dense to understand prepositions. "We...

Seventy-five years of storied history--in one easy page. This month: Hollywood.(Page 75)
May 1, 2008... We've been analyzing, laughing at, inspiring, sucking up to, and proclaiming the absolute death of American film since 1933. APRIL 1971 [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] We were perhaps a little premature when we named Two Lane Blacktop the...

The 75 skills every man should master *.
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] A man can be expert in nothing, but he must be practiced in many things. Skills. You don't have to master them all at once. You simply have to collect and develop a certain number of skills as the years tick by. Some...

April 20, 2008.(esquire fiction)(Fictional work)
May 1, 2008... YOU USUALLY GET Mobius from your father if your father was a drug addict or otherwise c father didn't do drugs. He instead surrounded himself with pesticides and fertilizers, which the doctor guessed rooted in his sperm and flowered in my...

The case for ... Jessica Simpson: featuring insight on the nature of celebrity, a special guest appearance by Scarlett Johansson, a quick Bible lesson, and one $200 bra.(Cover story)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATIONS OMITTED] Blond hair the way God meant, blond like Clorox sunshine. A caviar body, if you like your caviar lacquered in bar barbecue sauce. Breasts like plucked guinea hens, undercooked and overstuffed. And those legs, like...

The things that carried him: the true story of a soldier's last trip home.(Sergeant Robert Joe Montgomery)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] [PART ONE] INDIANA, THE END Don Collins stood in the sun and mapped out in his mind a rectangle on the grass, eight feet by three feet. He forty-nine, wears a handful of pomade in his hair, and no longer...

Vint Cerf: creator of the Internet, 64, McLean, Virginia.(What I've Learned)(Interview)
May 1, 2008... * "Surf the Web" is a happy coincidence. * You don't have to be young to learn about technology. You have to feel young. * There was no one "Ah-ha!" moment. Not in the sense that many people want to hear. They see the Internet now and...

Retool, reboot, rebuild: a life-extending guide to your body's next seven days.(THE BETTER MAN 2008)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Over the course of the next week--or any week you feel up to it--you can do things that will add years to your life. Most of these things are on the next nine pages. Some are easy. Some difficult. Some are onetime...

Seventy-five: so, if you follow the advice on the preceding ten pages, maybe you'll live well to but that doesn't mean you'll live like Don Wildman, alpha male *.(THE BETTER MAN 2008)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] On any given day, in a private gym above Malibu's Paradise Cove, a handful of men show up to attempt a workout known as the Circuit, more than three thousand repetitions of weight lifting and balancing and abdominal...

Symphony in black: variations on the modern tuxedo, featuring performances by twelve men who are redefining classical music--and classic orchestra wear--for the twenty-first century.(Esquire Style)(Buyers guide)
May 1, 2008... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] YANIV SEGAL, CONDUCTING SYMPHONY NO. 40 IN G MINOR, K. 550, BY MOZART A conductor. A cofounder of New York's Chelsea Symphony. A veteran of Lincoln Center, Carnegie Hall, and other storied digs. An advocate of...

Quiz: are you in a recession?(This Way Out)
May 1, 2008... Choose the responses that apply, and tally your score. 1. What percentage of your house do you own? (A) Which one? (-15) (B) Should be close to 2 percent by January of 2023! (O) (C) The same percentage I own of the New York...