Esquire articles from May 2003

Esquire archives from May 2003

The good that men do. (editor's letter).(Fred Rogers; Rudy Giuliani)(Editorial)
May 1, 2003... Five and a half years ago, we published a story about Rudolph Giuliani. The title of the story was "Rudy Giuliani Is a Colossal Asshole." I'm not kidding. (We were young then.) The subtitle went on to say, "which is precisely what makes him the...

The sound & the fury.(Correction Notice)
May 1, 2003... OUR SEMIANNUAL STYLE ISSUE in March featured a leonine Benicio Del Tom on the cover, but the story that drew the most attention was Thomas P.M. Barnett's provocative essay; "The Pentagon's New Map." Barnett, an adviser to the Office of the...

Anthrax at home. (the sound & the fury).(Correction Notice)
May 1, 2003... Also in March, writer Sean Flynn told the story of the first days of the anthrax attack in October 2001, and of the doctor who helped avert a catastrophe ("What Ever Happened to Anthrax?"). All of us should hope to have a doctor as big in...

Correction.(Correction Notice)
May 1, 2003... Because of an editing error, the photographs of actor Damian Lewis in our April issue were incorrectly credited. The photos of Lewis were taken by Lorenzo Agius. `

Roselyn Sanchez. (Man at His Best).(actress)(Brief Article)(Column)
May 1, 2003... Shocking but true: The most seductive thing about this actress is not visible in this photo. Look all you like. Look closely. You still won't see it. That's because what makes Ms. Sanchez so enticing isn't something you can tan, tone, or barely...

The 7 most remarkable things in culture this month. (the awards).(Humor)(Column)
May 1, 2003... one Best Scene in an Otherwise Mediocre Movie Kid: Are you Coles Burroughs, the film director? Coles: Ah, yeah, I did a film a few years ago. K: I thought I recognized you. I saw your picture once in Filmmaker magazine, uh,...

Beer with that deer? (food & drink).(Storm King Stout)
May 1, 2003... Pennsylvanians harvested half a million deer last winter (not including roadkill), so they know their venison. They also know what to drink after the shooting stops: Storm King Stout, which has warm coffee flavors and a silky texture. And since...

The other red meat: bored with beef? Try some free-range Texas venison. Or even antelope. (food & drink).
May 1, 2003... FARTHER SOUTH, DOWN NEAR KINGSVILLE, they herd the antelope by helicopter, then swoop low and drop each animal with a single bullet from the sky. But here in the cedar-shrouded Hill Country northwest of San Antonio, Mike Hughes likes to harvest...

The rules.(Humor)(Brief Article)(Column)
May 1, 2003... Rule No. 47: People who say they don't watch TV mean that they don't fall asleep with the TV on. Rule No. 224: Three bowling trophies equals one Oscar. Rule No. 423: Just because the bottle says Bath & Body Works for Men doesn't make it right....

How to download movies (Phase 1). (entertainment).(Product/Service Evaluation)(Industry Overview)
May 1, 2003... SO ME MIGHT CALL IT the height of sloth, but the ability to (legally) download movies to your computer is a giant leap for home video. NO trip to Blockbuster, No need to be kind and rewind. And no pimply teens slagging your Michael Dudikoff...

The indefensible position: Keanu Reeves is an important actor. (entertainment).(Humor)(Brief Article)
May 1, 2003... MATT DAMON may have more dramatic range. John Cusack may have a gentler comic touch. Ed Norton definitely has more Oscar nominations. But Keanu has something all his own: a wooden grace that marks him as the monotone voice of his generation....

8 ways to live in denial. (war).(Humor)(Brief Article)
May 1, 2003... NOW MORE THAN EVER, the truth hurts. But who says you have to face it? Here, eight things to keep telling yourself. 1. Iraq is called Mesopotamia, Iran is Persia, and the West Bank is La Rive Ouest. 2. "Sanitized bunker" was Jeb and Dubya's...

Ranking the war pundits. (war).(TV military analysts)(Humor)(Brief Article)
May 1, 2003... When the country goes to war, so do the networks--with each other. The spoils? Your loyal viewership. To prepare you for the coming ratings battle, we've done some reconnaissance on the primary war analysts from each of the five major networks....

Two more books for your shelf.(Book Review)(Brief Review)
May 1, 2003... The late Roy Porter's Blood and Guts: A Short History of Medicine (W. W. Norton, $22) is an often disturbing chronicle of mankind's quest for the cure.... in her dazzlingly original new novel, Oryx and Crake (Doubleday, $26), Margaret Atwood...

Big important book of the month. (books).(Book Review)(Brief Article)
May 1, 2003... MY EDITOR ASKED ME TO WRITE THIS REVIEW STONED. But, dude, this is not a stoner book. Eric Schlosser's Reefer Madness (Houghton Mifflin, $23) marches forward with clear eyes and a sober face, ready to do its civic duty. For example: "Two...

The annotated man: Randy Johnson.(pitcher)(Interview)
May 1, 2003... (Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher, five-time Cy Young Award winner, 39) Former home of the dove killed by a Johnson fastball in 2001. In 1983, Yankee Dave Winfield smote a seagull with a warm-up toss in Toronto. Police charged him with animal...

A special evening to kick-off Esquire's 70th anniversary. (By invitation only: a special promotion for Esquire readers).(Brief Article)
May 1, 2003... In celebration of Esquire's 70th anniversary year, Esquire co-hosted the grand reopening party of P.J. CLARKE'S restaurant and bar in New York City. The restaurant, which is a New York City institution and landmark, has beautifully restored the...

Red Sox fans, Olympic gold, zippers & public toilet seats. (Answer Fella).(Column)
May 1, 2003... * WHICH DOESN'T MEAN THERE ARE NO IDIOTIC QUESTIONS. HERE ARE A FEW FROM ANSWER FELLA'S REJECT FILE: Why do stamps cost 37 cents?... What's the deal with rutabagas?... Where can I rent a Zamboni?... Can a man own a poodle and still be a man?...

7 ways to be entertained in ... May. (the index).(books, records, movies)
May 1, 2003... A Hollywood Video Game Those Wachowski brothers, they sure are energetic. Finding themselves with time to spare even as they wrote and directed two Matrix sequels at the same time, the Wachowskis decided to make a video game as well. Enter the...

Leather fetish. (The Guide).(men's fashions)(Brief Article)
May 1, 2003... Sure, when the bulk of your motor sports consists of crawling the Beltway at 8:15 A.M., these become superfluous. But when you're racing along the autostrada in your new Alfa to meet your beautiful, impatient signorina, you want the wheels to...

Step X Step. (solutions).(men's fashions - seersucker suit)(Brief Article)
May 1, 2003... Question: How can I wear my seersucker suit without looking like a southern politician? ANSWER: By doing without the dress shirt and tie and wearing casual, modern furnishings. THE DETAILS: Three-button single-breasted cotton seersucker...

The over-under: striped shirts. (the style guide).(Brief Article)
May 1, 2003... STRIPES While we try not to get political on the style pages, the editors of Esquire would like to report that the parade of military-inspired browns, grays, and olives that compose much of the season's new stuff hits a little too close to home...

You are money: there are two kinds of people who play golf. Those who live for the wager, and those who don't. (golf).
May 1, 2003... GOLFERS LIVE IN A round of golf, as though the game itself were a physical space. On the course, you work, drink, walk, daydream, take a leak. You know: the circle of life. In a good round of golf, you come a little more alive with each step...

The amen corner. (The betting man).(The Masters 2003)
May 1, 2003... FOR CHRISSAKES, someone's gotta say this: Tiger Woods is a great golfer, yes. But he's not God. He bogeys. Bettors willing to accept such blasphemy stand to profit by wagering on golf. Those who do so during this year's majors stand to profit...

Ain't nothing like the real thing: Saint Andy was right: we've all become famous. But "reality TV" isn't the end of the world. It's the very essence of the small screen. (the screen).(Industry Overview)
May 1, 2003... ANDY WARHOL'S STAR is fairly dim these days, but the Warhol prediction that gave the movie 15 Minutes its title is still the most overquoted aphorism in media history, which is why I've just avoided requoting it. However, it's also the most...

Christopher Guest. (q&a).(on 'A Mighty Wind')(Interview)
May 1, 2003... * AFTER DISSECTING the lofty arts of local theater and competitive canining, mockumentarian Christopher Guest returns to the popmusic send-up with A Mighty Wind, in theaters April 16. Regular cohorts Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara star as a...

The spring TV preview for men. (the screen).(Interview)
May 1, 2003... FIRST THERE WAS LIFETIME, a cable network for women; men everywhere squirmed. Then there was the WE network, then Oprah's Oxygen channel, and soon it seemed Fried Green Tomatoes was on twice a day. But what about us? Men, believe it or not,...

Can this marriage be saved? Scott Rudin, the storied and implacable producer of The Hours, ought to be feeling on top of the mountain. So why's he threatening to jump off? (the industry).(disputes with Paramount - Oscars)(Interview)(Company Profile)
May 1, 2003... SCOTT RUDIN is not feeling the love. Almost every morning throughout the anxiety-filled Oscar campaign, he has picked up the papers and decided that he's getting shorted again. There are little black-and-white ads for his movie, The Hours,...

The scouting report.(films and filmmakers)(Column)
May 1, 2003... * Oliver Stone has two documentaries coming up for HBO, one on Fidel Castro and the other on the Palestinian uprising. But he denies the rumor that he's been thinking of doing a series on the world's dictators, saying he passed up an...

10 things you don't know about women.(Humor)(Brief Article)
May 1, 2003... 1. Being taken to Costco does not constitute a date. Unless, of course, you call on Wednesday and ask us to go to Costco on Saturday. Do that and you can buy all the bulk you want. 2. Occasionally tell a funny girl you love her for her...

The White Stripes' Elephant is a rock `n' roll record so rousing, you won't mind paying for it. (music).(Sound Recording Review)
May 1, 2003... As easy as it is to blame record companies for slumping sales and rampant file-sharing, I like to blame musicians. They're the ones driving us to download by aiming for the lowest common denominator and having the balls to call it art. Isn't it...

Five more records worth your lunch money. (music).(Sound Recording Review)
May 1, 2003... Caitlin Cary, I'm Staying Out (Yep Roc). Caitlin Cary's sophomore set finds the underrated half of Whiskeytown coming into her own with an affecting exploration of heartbreak and hope. It showcases a singer-songwriter in the truest sense:...

Dear Lucinda ...(LUCINDA WILLIAMS)('World Without Tears')(Sound Recording Review)
May 1, 2003... THE GREAT LUCINDA WILLIAMS has a new album, World Without Tears, and at least one devoted fan at Esquire wants to weep. An open letter to a fallen hero: Lu, we need to talk. I love you, I do. But you've been acting so weird lately. Last...

You've got questions, she's got answers. (sex).
May 1, 2003... What exactly are shrimping and tea-bagging? I've heard conflicting reports. I hear you. We now know that shrimping and tea-bagging, once thought to be the chief industries of Bolivia, are actually sexual kinks, and darn good ones at that....

Sex Toy Of The Month. (Waterproof Puzzle Vibe).(Brief Article)
May 1, 2003... * WATERPROOF PUZZLE VIBE: Finally there's hope for those whose vibrators no longer challenge them intellectually. Combining the charm of a child's stacking-ring toy with do-it-yourself satisfaction, the Waterproof Puzzle Vibe ($25;...

Rudy: A what I've learned special event. Rudy Giuliani on the meaning of courage, the war in Iraq, faith and fate, the new plans for Ground Zero, that new haircut, and how to survive in this dangerous new world. (Cover Story).
May 1, 2003... HE IS NO LONGER THE MAYOR OF NEW YORK, but the sign on his desk still says: I'M RESPONSIBLE. He now has the luxury of uninterrupted sleep, yet he strides into his Tuesday morning after another long night on the red-eye. An old photo of Joe...

How a man ages.(Brief Article)
May 1, 2003... Are You Normal? * WHEN IT COMES to playing the aging game, what matters is "How are you doing so far?" The only way to stay, not necessarily young, but younger, is to start early and check yourself in the mirror along the way. But it's...

How old are your muscles? (Aging).
May 1, 2003... BY THE TIME HE TURNS FORTY, A HEALTHY MAN'S HEART MUSCLE WILL HAVE BEATEN, WITHOUT INCIDENT, MORE THAN 1.5 BILLION TIMES. BY EIGHTY, IT WILL RECORDED APPROXIMATELY 3.2 BILLION BAH-THUMPS. AS HE FOUGHT to reach the finals of the 2003...

How old is your brain? (Aging).
May 1, 2003... THE BRAIN, A MERE CLICK ON THE SCALE AT 2 PERCENT OF TOTAL BODY WEIGHT, CONSUMES A FIFTH OF THE BODY'S CARDIAC OUTPUT AND OXYGEN INTAKE. HALF THE GENES IN THE HUMAN GENOME INCLUDE SPEC FOR BRAIN DEVELOPMENT AND FUNCTIONING. TEST Model...

How old is your stomach? (Aging).
May 1, 2003... THE ERA OF THE PART-TIME VEGETARIAN HAS ARRIVED. ACCORDING TO DUKE UNIVERSITY'S DIET AND FITNESS CENTER. IT IS ACCEPTABLE--AND ADVISABLE FOR MEN OVER THIRTY--TO TREAT MEAT AS A SIDE DISH INSTEAD OF AS A MAIN COURSE CHANCES ARE you don't...

How old do you look? (Aging).
May 1, 2003... AS A MAN AGES, HIS SWEAT GLANDS (250,000 OF WHICH ARE IN HIS FEET) TEND TO PRODUCE LESS SWEAT LEADING TO HIGHER INCIDENCE OF HEATSTROKE AMONG THE SEVENTY-PLUS SET. WHEN HUGH GRANT, at forty, finally decided to trim his trademark foppish...

Kelly Hu? An actress, a former beauty queen, a woman we love, and a Cantonese-British-Hawaiian domestic goddess with a black belt. That's Hu.(Interview)
May 1, 2003... WE COULDN'T RESIST THE PUNS, and neither should you. After all, the thirty-five-year-old ex-beauty queen has been enduring them for years now. Since leaving Honolulu for Hollywood, Kelly Hu has exchanged her Miss Teen USA and Miss Hawaii sashes...

Dangerous knowledge: aiming high in life is fine and-good, but it's rarely fun. It's the dangerous things that are fun, and if you're gonna do them, you might as well do them right. Here's how.
May 1, 2003... How to Get Out of Jury Duty By David E. and Mark F., senior partners at law firms in New Jersey and Illinois * Act impatient, insensitive, and biased. * Be a loudmouth and a know-it-all. * Show hostility to large groups. Like this: "People...

Doggy style: at the Westminster Dog Show in New York, Esquire trots out some suits that keep you looking well-groomed even when the heat's got you panting.
May 1, 2003... BACKSTAGE AT WESTMINSTER, you'll stroll through row upon row of the highest standard of dogs--the terriers (Tibetan, silky, Skye, Bedlington), the sheepdogs (Belgian, Shetland, Old English), and some you've never heard of, like black-and-tan...

"Sing a song of Ray Romano" (it's more a dirge, actually).(Interview)(Biography)
May 1, 2003... [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] The maestros make it seem easy. It's the mojo, the chi, the flow. They don't work the job; they work wonder. They be what they do. Plumber, barber; shoedog, chef--you know a maestro when you find one. You brag him up...

Close-up: the dress shoe: a workingman's guide to the shoes that get the job done.
May 1, 2003... The Basics SHOES ARE PERHAPS the most neglected aspect of a man's uniform. But for every suit there is a correct pair, and coordinating them is easy if you've got the right stuff in the closet to begin with. On these pages lies all the...

What does $750 an hour get you? A week in the datebook of David Boies.(Brief Article)
May 1, 2003... SIX YEARS AGO, DAVID BOIES ABRUPTLY QUIT HIS JOB AT THE LAW FIRM WHERE HE'D WORKED FOR thirty years and set out to start his own practice. Since then, he has taken on Microsoft for the antitrust division of the Justice Department, broken the...

My education: not everyone was sexually abused by a teacher in ninth grade and harassed by him until graduation. But I was.
May 1, 2003... I grew up in a rainy city. There were jokes on the radio about it. The newspapers counted the days of sunshine. This was before Seattle, when lots of rain meant you were unlucky, second-rate. This was more than Twenty-five years ago, in...

Valenti International: today's eligible, single, successful men and women turn to America's top matchmaking specialist for the most important decision of their lives. (Trends: Advertisement Feature).(Advertising)
May 1, 2003... Those who seek to achieve results in today's rapidly accelerating society understand the need to take appropriate measures to get what they want out of life. Never before has there been more emphasis on healthy relationships, family...

(This way out) other endangered species.
May 1, 2003... Unfondled altar boys [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] People with too much self-respect to appear on reality-TV shows [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Kids born without the aid of fertility drugs or cloning [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Bee...