Esquire articles from March 2006

Esquire archives from March 2006

It is said that history is bound to repeat itself.(StYLE AGENDA: a special promotion for esquire readers)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... With a reputation for quality men's attire, LUBIAM (an acronym for Luigi Bianchi Mantova) is proud to bring its history to the present and repeat it by introducing its clothing collection under the LUIGI BIANCHI MANTOVA label--the same one...

The finest collection antique, custom, and contemporary pool tables in the world.(StYLE AGENDA: a special promotion for esquire readers)
March 1, 2006... Architects, designers and connoisseurs of the game have been acquiring the finest pool tables from Blatt Billiards for more than 83 years. Created for you... by hand... one at a time. Visit us on the web at www.blattbilliards.com or call...

Arrive fashionably.(StYLE AGENDA: a special promotion for esquire readers)
March 1, 2006... The all-new 2006 H3. Proof positive that even if you're a HUMMER, good things really can come in small packages. Of course, if you are a smaller package, and also a HUMMER, it's imperative that the ties to your illustrious family line be...

iriver U10.(StYLE AGENDA: a special promotion for esquire readers)
March 1, 2006... The remarkable new iriver U10 features an eye-catching, direct-click interface that makes it easy to fly through your media collection and find the right song, video, photo or game. Plus, the iriver U10 works with both subscription and...

Boston acoustics.(StYLE AGENDA: a special promotion for esquire readers)
March 1, 2006... Turn your tabletop into a soundstage. The MicroSystem CD takes tabletop performance to the next level, with big, rich sound you never thought possible in a system this size. It's an elegant, all-in-one package so versatile it's perfect as a...

The sound and the fury.(This Way In)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... "Esquire has my express permission to offend me, to mock me, and to insult me and all that I believe in. I can take it." Judging from reader response, these are the most stimulating personalities from January's What I've Learned issue: a...

Tuned in.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2006... Your What I've Learned from Howard Stern is a wake-up call vis-a-vis the mendacious Christian Right and needs to be shouted from the rooftops. Howard, like Esquire, gets it. I have been an avid reader for more than twenty years, though I have...

Turned off.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2006... I find it amazing that in the same issue that you feature Howard Stern on the cover and several god-awful pages, you define the word Esquire to mean "a gentleman." If Stern is your idea of a proper subject for both a cover and a What I've...

Thanks! Oh.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2006... Congratulations on landing Howard Stern for your January cover and for sharing with us what he's learned. I couldn't find Howard anywhere in the media until you guys pulled him in. And that interview! Wow! What unique insights, unavailable...

What readers learned from Jason Gackstetter, kid, 6, San Diego.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2006... "... A dog makes you cool. The Three Stooges crack me up. And a roller-coaster ride is an amazing experience, especially if you can't move around much by yourself." There was no article, blurb, fiction, or witty "rule" written better than...

People asked Jeeves.(Reader Poetry)(Poem)
March 1, 2006... PEOPLE ASKED JEEVES BY TED VERGES, JOHNSON CREEK, WISCONSIN (INSPIRED BY THE DECEMBER PIECE "WHAT ARE WE ASKING JEEVES?") PEOPLE ASKED JEEVES V People asked Jeeves (not Jesus) Why God made them-- nipples on...

God's love we deliver benefit: Esquire downtown at Astor Place.(BY INVITATION ONLY: a special promotion for esquire readers)(Brief Article)(Advertisement)
March 1, 2006... Ted Allen, Esquire contributing editor and food connoisseur from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, invited some of the world's premier chefs and the "Fab Five" to Esquire Downtown at Astor Place to launch his new cookbook and support the charity,...

A letter we wish we understood.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2006... Great magazine. We'll follow up with the proper authorities, okay? RENE DE PONTBRIAND, Bel Air, Md.

More on what I've learned, including the most earnest letter we've ever received about Bob Saget.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2006... So Alyssa Milano thinks "apathy in America is... scarier than the [Bush] administration." Here's what's truly scary: There are a great many Esquire readers who read her political warbling and said to themselves, Damn, that was profound. ...

Fa-gan!(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2006... In the January issue, we revealed the winners of our John Mayer songwriting contest. You con hear Tim Fagan's whining song and those of the five runners-up at esquire.com. I just listened to Tim Fagan's winning entry on your Web site and...

A letter about letters.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2006... I observed in your January issue that some readers took offense at the articles they believed were critical of creationism and canceled their subscriptions. What's with these blockheads? They should thank you, for crying out loud. Esquire...

Proper recognition of unacknowledged famous people.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2006... MARTIN A. SCHWARTZ Carlsbad, Calif. MARY COMBER Lahinch, Ireland <<W

A reader we'll miss.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2006... My subscription renewal just arrived and, sadly, I decided to cancel. My thirty-year on-again, off-again relationship with Esquire has reached finality. The recent December and January issues were just too much to allow the liaison to continue....

Elsewhere in the bin.(This Way In: THE SOUND AND THE FURY)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2006... Chuck Klosterman's argument for professional jurors in his column (January) may hold merit, but the rationale that people aren't intelligent enough to parse the "legal show" flies in the face of our democracy, which is dependent on the illusion...

Those responsible.(This way in)
March 1, 2006... HAD HE GROWN UP only eight miles down the road, in Durham, North Carolina, instead of Chapel Hill, Will Blythe could have been someone like Crazy Towel Guy, a cult hero for Duke University basketball fans and a cloth-waving Cameron Indoor...

The map of American style.(This Way In)(Editorial)
March 1, 2006... If you woke up in a different country each day for a week, chances are that you could walk outside each morning as people headed to work and be able to tell, just by the way folks were dressed, what country you were in. Italians dress in a...

The number.(Comic)(Cartoon)
March 1, 2006... THIS WAS A NEW ONE: I WAS FEELING GUILTY AND ALL I WAS DOING WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE. GRANTED, THAT SOMEONE HAPPENED TO BE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I HAD JUST MET IN A BAR... SO YOUR FRIENDS FINALLY CONVINCED YOU TO COME TALK TO ME, HUH? ...

Oxfam America: Esquire downtown at Astor Place.(BY INVITATION ONLY)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... Esquire hosted an evening to raise awareness for Oxfam America, the international charity dedicated to creating lasting solutions for world poverty, hunger and social injustice. Over 300 taste-makers from the fashion and music industry turned...

Funny * joke from a beautiful woman.(Man at His Best)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... As told by KRISTIN CHENOWETH An old farmer and his wife are lying in bed. He leans over one night, touches her breast, and says, "If this thing could still give milk, we could get rid of the cow? She reaches over and grabs his member. "And...

The nine most remarkable things in culture this month.(MAN AT HIS BEST: The Awards)
March 1, 2006... 1 Most Perplexing Simile "The moon show captivates my audience... like a strong cognac. --Dita Von Teese in her new book, Burlesque and the Art of the Teese, published by ReganBooks [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] 2 Silverest Lining...

The seventh annual: alternative Oscars.(MAN AT HIS BEST: The Screen)
March 1, 2006... CREDIBLE IMPERSONATIONS of dead or deteriorating celebrities. World War II. Bravery in the face of adversity. Jane Austen. Dramatic performances by actors previously known primarily for comedy, or vice versa. Some movie Harvey Weinstein spent...

Q+A: Big Boi. (MAN AT HIS BEST: The Screen.(Brief Article)(Interview)
March 1, 2006... ANTWAB PATTON, Aka Big Boi of the duo OutKast, has a swagger that is admirable even by hip-hop standards. >-,. This month he stars in Idlewild (alongside fellow OutKaster Andre Benjamin) as a brash speakeasy owner in the Prohibition-era South....

Q&A: Kris Kristofferson.(MAN AT HIS BEST: Music)(Interview)
March 1, 2006... THERE'S NO BETTER dinner companion than Kris Kristofferson. He's a Rhodes scholar, activist, actor. And at 69, he hasn't lost a step as a songwriter. His new album, This Old Road (in stores March 7), is a stripped-down stunner offering...

WeFunk Radio: Log On. Enjoy.(THE FIND)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... Sometimes it's better to let someone else drive. For all the brilliance of the iPod, knowing exactly which of your songs is coming next means missing out on the unexpected. Thank God, then, for WeFunk, an Internet radio station available online...

R. I. P. Chris Whitley.(NOTES FROM JOHN MAYER)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... LAST NOVEMBER Chris Whitley died, and with him went a big part of modern American blues music. There aren't many fighters for the cause, and Chris never gave up on his mission. His somewhat prostrated place in pop culture earned him a sidebar...

What would Jesus really do?(MAN AT HIS BEST: Book)(What Jesus Meant)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... IF YOU'RE WEARING A W.W.J.D. BRACELET RIGHT NOW, you just might be a misguided soul, because, according to Garry Wills's provocative new book, What Jesus Meant (Viking, $25), the very question--What would Jesus do?--is the wrong one. You...

Big Book of the Month.(MAN AT HIS BEST: Book)(The Boy Who Fell Out of the Sky)(Brief Article)(Book Review)
March 1, 2006... READING A MEMOIR is often like sharing an excruciatingly long cup of herbal tea with a particularly dopey stranger who has a life-affirming story to tell. But there is little solace to be found in Ken Dornstein's investigation into his older...

Two more for your shelf.(Highbrow Programming the Universe)(Brief Article)(Book Review)
March 1, 2006... Highbrow Programming the Universe (Knopf, $26), by Seth LIoyd: "Atoms are tiny but strong, resilient but sensitive.... They don't care about you, and they go about their business doing what they have always done. But if you message them in just...

Nancy Grace is not a blight on our nation.(MAN AT HIS BEST: In Other News ...)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... "Other people in this neighborhood have obtained restraining orders against Joe Lynch. Does that make him a killer? No. But interesting.... Joe Lynch was accused of kicking down a door.... Again, he is not a suspect. But we do know that the...

Bartender, New York City.(PROFESSIONAL CONFESSIONAL)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... IT'S THE PEOPLE who wave their hand, who try to yell at you, that you do your best to ignore. It becomes a game. It gets very torturous for them and, of course, very amusing to us. The customers who get served first are the ones who take a bill...

What women read.(MAN AT HIS BEST: In Other News ...)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... As part of our tireless war on cross-gender ignorance, we give you another page from a women's magazine currently on newsstands. This month, a sampling of Marie Claire's March photo essay, "How Other Women See Your Body," a portfolio by female...

The ten things you need ... in your closet: you take care of the socks and underwear. We'll supply you with the rest.(MAN AT HIS BEST: The Ten Things You Need ...)
March 1, 2006... 1) WHITE OXFORD BUTTON-DOWN SHIRT: The white button-down can be worn with a suit and tie, on its own with a pair of jeans, or underneath a sweater. May we suggest: Cotton button-down shirt ($40) by Izod. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] 2)...

The new accessories: Esquires gadget guru puts four new phones through the ringer.(MAN AT HIS BEST: The Digital Man)
March 1, 2006... UNTIL SOMEONE HIRES ME to design a cell phone, I'll continue to live in a world of compromise. That's why I carry around a Sidekick II, BlackBerry 7750, Samsung i500, Sony Ericsson P900, and Treo 650 in my man purse. Each of them is pretty...

The rules.(MAN AT HIS BEST: The Digital Man)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... RULE NO. 493: The outcome of no sporting event is worth punching a wall. RULE NO. 514: Watching the Academy Awards is acceptable for a man. Watching an arrivals or postawards show, less so. RULE NO. 703: Never hire a lawyer whose phone number...

The hurried man's guide to cheese.(MAN AT HIS BEST: Food)
March 1, 2006... Veiny, smelly, and the food of kings since Egyptian times, artisanal cheeses have finally been receiving the attention they merit. And with foodie attention, of course, comes foodie pretension. Here, nine things you should know to sound like a...

Nonkosher snack of the month.(MAN AT HIS BEST: Food)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... From the 1600s to the early 20th century, New York City was the oyster capital of the world. Drunks slurped them in bars, families stewed them for dinner, and millionaires fried them with bacon by the dozen, often according to a recipe like...

Four chefs to watch in 2006.(MAN AT HIS BEST: Food)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... I don't know how many ways there are to cook a chicken, but brilliant young American chefs are always working on new ones--along with revolutionary ways to cook everything else. Here are four guys I see making an imminent leap to culinary...

Useful information for the health-conscious carnivore: somewhere between three juicy steaks a week and no beef at all is the radical center of red-meat consumption. here, three ways to remain moderately carnivorous.(MAN AT HIS BEST: The Better Man)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... Choose the rear of the steer. There are 19 cuts of beef that the government considers "lean"--less than 4.5 grams of saturated fat and 10 grams of total fat per three-ounce cooked serving (about the size of a deck of cards). Since most of these...

Is it true that bud, steady noise--like the hum of the city out-side my window--can increase the risk of a coronary event?(Ask Dr. Oz: FREE ADVICE FROM A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... It's true. In a recent study in Germany, researchers found that people who live in noisy areas are far more likely to suffer a heart attack. The risk went up by about 50 percent in men. For women, the increase was a staggering 300 percent. ...

The active man's guide to hostile weather.(MAN AT HIS BEST: The Better Man)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... 1. Sunglasses aren't just for summer. The winter sun hangs low in the sky, which means glare. You can't duck to avoid what you can't see, which is what I told the plastic surgeon as he put 30 stitches in my forehead. 2. Wear wind briefs....

What is the oldest sex toy?(MAN AT HIS BEST: Sex)
March 1, 2006... This question sent me running to the mirror to make sure I hadn't spontaneously generated the comical mustache and mail carrier's uniform of Cliff Clavin. The last thing any sex columnist wants is to arm a legion of sex dorks with wry anecdotes...

The new imitable haircuts.(MAN AT HIS BEST: Maintenance)
March 1, 2006... Although James Dean and Elvis will always be icons of American style, I strongly advise against asking your barber for a pompadour. Some things that looked good on a man in 1950 just look embarrassing in 2006. Like Elizabeth Taylor. Luckily,...

The test: the five-blade razor.(MAN AT HIS BEST: Maintenance)(Brief Article)(Product/Service Evaluation)
March 1, 2006... SOMEONE NEEDS to introduce razor designers to the idea of saturation points. I embraced the three-blade razor. Tolerated the four. But when I heard about the Fusion ($10; gillette.com), a new five-blade razor from Gillette, I thought the...

The rules.(MAN AT HIS BEST: Maintenance)
March 1, 2006... RULE NO. 798: If a man's first name is Morgan, he's richer than you are. RULE NO. 826: Fur hats are appropriate only above the 63rd parallel unless worn by Sherpas or communists. RULE NO. 841: Something probably happened in Delaware, but nobody...

"World's Smartest Fella": doggie toilet tactics, America's oldest bar & why Bob Dylan just might be the smartest Fella in the world.(MAN AT HIS BEST: Answer Fella)
March 1, 2006... ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does or who has a...

The laws of (American) style: rules for the American man to dress by, including how to hang your jacket, what your tie says about you, and things you can't wear to a funeral.(the guide: what to wear and how to wear it)
March 1, 2006... 1. The greatest contributions of the United States to the world of style, in no particular order: The chino, the sneaker, the T-shirt, the biker jacket, blue jeans, the sweatshirt, the baseball cap. 2. Livestock are the only American staple...

The official American outfit **: introducing the quintessential American outfit. Its cotton. It's comfortable. And it looks damn good on you.(the guide * american style)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... America's contribution to the world of style is largely based on two basic ideas. One: Function triumphs over form. And two: Comfort trumps all else. To realize both, our fashion pioneers have long turned to cotton, which informed the outfit...

What women want their men to wear: they like you in sneakers, they hate paisley, and you'd probably get more action if you dressed like a fireman. Here, the women staffers of Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, O, and Harper's Bazaar dole out advice in our exclusive survey.(the guide * american style)
March 1, 2006... 1. I prefer a man's legs in: A. Chinos 6.5% B. Levi's 80.6% C. Suit pants 9.7% D. Board shorts 3.2% 2. The most flattering color a man can wear is: A. Blue 41.9% B. Green 3.2% C. Pink 12.9% D. Whatever...

The style map of the United States (and Puerto Rico). From sea to shining sea, a quick primer on what each of our great states has contributed to the world of style. Including the birthplace of the loafer, where your tuxedo comes from, and the surprise answer to the most important question of all: which state is most stylish?(the guide * american style)
March 1, 2006... The Fifty's Style Resumes: * Alabama: Joe Namath, Ken Stabler, Hank Williams * Alaska: The parka * Arizona: Teva sandals, Doc Holliday * Arkansas: Wal-Mart, Al Green, Johnny Cash, Bear Bryant * California: Levi's, Gap, the...

Invention's new mother: everything necessary already exists. Which means a golden age of invention is about to begin.(Chuck Klosterman's America)
March 1, 2006... THE DAWN OF MAN BEGAN eleven thousand years ago. (I think it was a Thursday.) This is interesting for many reasons, but one specific factoid has always amazed me: The wheel was not invented until 5000 B.C., probably by the Mesopotamians. This...

A little nudge: a new column about getting what you want from the world.(Influence)(Column)
March 1, 2006... MY EX-WIFE WANTED only a few simple things from me. She wanted me to manage the money, stay true, show her some love, and, occasionally, scratch her back as we watched television. On the first three, well, I tried. But the last thing--the...

10 things you don't know about women.(Brief Article)
March 1, 2006... 1. It's the circumference, stupid! The numerical measurement of the bra has nothing to do with the size of our boobs. 2. Hair extensions and wigs are not the same thing. Wigs are for old ladies and drag queens. Extensions are for women who...

Rescue 911: a vigilante roadside-assistance program in which the author sets out to save disabled automobiles from ruthless tow trucks. His rescue vehicle? The all-wheel-drive Porsche 911 Carrera 4.(Cars)
March 1, 2006... TOW TRUCKS AND I, WE GO WAY BACK. Once, my illegally parked car got towed, and when I arrived at the city impound lot, it refused to start, thus precipitating a three-hour wait in the rain for another tow... from the tow lot. I've had a...

The restless man.(Real Adventures for REGULAR GUYS)
March 1, 2006... THIS MONTH: Caving in Puerto Rico WHERE: A couple hours from San Juan DEGREE OF DIFFICULTY: Think obstacle course. In the dark. With stalactites. COST OF THREE-DAY ADVENTURE: 51,170 DEGREE OF FUN: High There's bat shit in...

What we've learned at the movies.
March 1, 2006... Smart man, that Warhol. Movies (sometimes even bad ones) do prepare us for the world outside the multiplex, from rodent control to reliable plumbing, from filling our bellies to shaving our faces. Real life lessons from the movies? Surely you...

The United States of style.(Esquire: March 2006)
March 1, 2006... Consider this: Around the age of four, when a boy struggles to put more than five words together, he is faced with his first momentous style challenge. He must tie his shoes, a procedure that requires no less than seven precise movements. At...

Eats roadkill speaks Danish. The appealingly weird world of Viggo Mortensen.(United States of Style)(Cover Story)(Biography)
March 1, 2006... Viggo Mortensen listens to a lot of AM radio. The forty-seven-year-old actor doesn't enjoy this hobby, exactly. But if the vitriol spewed by conservative talk jocks is what tens of millions of Americans listen to, he figures he ought to listen,...

A thousand dollars for your dog? Would you take that right now? How about for your wallet? Your laptop? How about for your wedding ring?
March 1, 2006... I'VE BEEN WRITING CHECKS for more than twenty-five years now, but the only one I can distinctly remember writing was the first one I wrote for $1,000. This was 1984. I was twenty-three years old, renting a beach house, and I remember that I had...

The best years of our lives: every generation has its war veterans. The author and the guys he served with have been back from Iraq about a year now. How are they faring? The story of one platoon.(SPECIAL REPORT: THE IRAQ WAR, THREE YEARS LATER)
March 1, 2006... A couple months before this story starts, I went back home and met up with a few of my civilian friends for some beers at a bar we used to all hang out at. It was good to see them all again, since I hadn't seen them in years and had no idea...

Ten numbers on the state of Iraq-war veterans: the impact of a conflict that's about to surpass the Korean war in duration.(THE IRAQ WAR: THREE YEARS LATER)
March 1, 2006... * TOTAL AMERICAN TROOPS WHO HAVE SERVED: 360,000 That includes soldiers from the Army, Marine Corps, National Guard, and their reserves who had served or were serving in Iraq by the end of 2005. When all U.S. military forces are...

The monks of war: if official Washington has trouble learning from its mistakes, the generals fighting the war in Iraq have no such luxury. And there are many lessons to learn.(THE IRAQ WAR: THREE YEARS LATER)
March 1, 2006... Of all the lessons he's learned in this war, the most important one to Marine Lieutenant General James Mattis is this: Winning this war is mostly about not losing friends along the way. In the run-up to the invasion of Afghanistan in the...

What they were thinking: predictions from prominent thinkers in 2003 of how the war would go, and what some of them say now.(THE IRAQ WAR: THREE YEARS LATER)
March 1, 2006... FORMER CHAIRMAN OF THE DEFENSE POLICY BOARD ADVISORY COMMITTEE RICHARD PERLE THEN: "I believe, and I think there's a lot of evidence to suggest, that most Iraqis will regard us as liberators, and it will not take anything like that number...

Evangeline Lilly [a women we love]: the sexiest inhabitant of the freakiest island of all time shows us she's a little bit Mary Ann, a little bit moviestar.(Interview)
March 1, 2006... You'll be forgiven if you were unfamiliar with Evangeline Lilly before her role on Lost, ABC's highly addictive adventure-mystery series set on the least tranquil island in the South Pacific. It's the first speaking part for Lilly, twenty-six,...

Hating coach K: Mike Krzyzewski (aka, the Rat) is one of the all-time greats in his chosen field, but, hey, so was Mussolini.
March 1, 2006... Hatred makes scholars of its practitioners, which is to say, all of us. We study the objects of our disdain like old dons in the British Library poring over ancient manuscripts. No less than lovers, good haters notice everything about their...

Jesus' Bar Mitzvah.(This Way Out)(Cartoon)
March 1, 2006... Ouch. Could that robe be any more 70 B.C.? [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] Dad paid more than a million shekels for famous celebreties to make an appearance. Me with the poet Ovid, the giant Goliath, and a member of Aerosmith! ...