Esquire articles from March 2005

Esquire archives from March 2005

Woodford Reserve.(Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2005... Woodford Reserve is rapidly gaining status as America's premier small batch bourbon. Carefully crafted by hand, its exceptionally rich and smooth taste has earned gold medals at the world's three most prestigious tasting competitions. It is now...

Control freak.(Style agenda: a special promotion for Esquire readers)
March 1, 2005... Being the master of your domain just got easier. Crestron's sleek, new Isys i/O WiFi Touchpanel[TM] let's you turn the lights down and the music up, start the Jacuzzi, and cue your favorite movie. What's really cool is that from the same...

The style you have.(Editor's Letter)(Editorial)
March 1, 2005... I HAVE TO ADMIT that one of the cover lines on this issue is a bit of an overstatement. The New Laws of Style. I just walked around the corner in search of a healthful afternoon snack, and it occurred to me, as it occasionally does, that one of...

The endless summer party--a benefit for autism coalition and Surfers' Healing sponsored by iRiver.(By invitationly: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2005... The Esquire House rocked when the Red Hot Chili Peppers performed to raise money and awareness for the Autism Coalition and Surfers' Healing. Surf great Izzy Paskowitz and wife Danielle brought together their closest friends, including Mark...

Celluloid style 2004 film competition.(By invitationly: a special promotion for esquire readers)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2005... On September 23, Esquire's guests partied the night away at Quo nightclub in New York City to celebrate the Celluloid Style 2004 Film Competition. Guests were treated to complimentary cocktails provided by Allied Domecq, while viewing the...

The Sound and the Fury.(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2005... BEER IN HAND AND WISDOM at the ready, George Clooney headlined our fourth-annual What I've Learned issue in January. Among other notable contributors: Jimmy Carter, Regis Philbin, Ozzy Osbourne, Al Sharpton, Pamela Anderson (yes, Pamela...

Spanish fly.(The Sound and the Fury)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2005... The relatively unknown Paz Vega found at least one new fan after she became a Woman We Love in January. Top five things I love about Spain: chorizo, Paz Vega, bacalao, Paz Vega, jamon serrano, and Paz Vega. All right, that was seis. Thank...

Refugee revelations.(The Sound and the Fury)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2005... In "The American Dream," contributor Sara Solovitch exposed troubling questions about Jumana Hanna, an Iraqi refugee whose stories of rape and torture were cited by supporters of the war. Thank you for the cautionary tale of Jumana Hanna....

What you've learned: the late entries.(The Sound and the Fury)
March 1, 2005... Overdue work can still be great. That's what we learned from these reader submissions, which arrived too late for our January issue. --The difference between a good meal is about a hour and a half.--Walt Simonds, 61, Nacodoches, Tex. ...

Apathy is bliss.(The Sound and the Fury)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2005... In his January column, Chuck Klosterman struck a few nerves with his suggestion that since you can't affect culture, you shouldn't bother trying. I agree with the article's premise--that you shouldn't let culture get you down--but it...

Revisiting Ricky.(The Sound and the Fury)(Letter to the Editor)
March 1, 2005... The responses to contributing editor Chris Jones' s profile of renegade running back Ricky Williams (The Game, December 2004) keep coming. Even one of Williams's family members weighed in. I feel like a starving woman who has been thrown an...

Bulgari presents full house.(By invitationly: a special promotion for Esquire readers)(Advertisement)
March 1, 2005... The Esquire House LA kicks off with a celebrity poker tournament. High rollers and Hollywood elite raised the stakes for Keep Memory Alive, an Alzheimer's care and research organization, on opening night at The Esquire House LA. Hosted...

Funny * joke from a beautiful woman.(Man at His Best)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2005... A guy sees a sign that says, "Volunteers needed for medical experiment. $500 fee!" So he goes in and they tell him they need humans to mate with gorillas. The guy thinks about it for a second, then says, "I'll do it under three conditions: 1)...

The Know-It-All vs. the win-it-all.(Books)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2005... HERE'S A FACT: You probably don't want to be stuck in an elevator with these two guys. One is the frighteningly omniscient Ken Jennings, 74-time Jeopardy! champ thanks to his huge Encarta-powered brain. The other is Esquire's own A.J. Jacobs,...

Really short reviews.(Books)(Book Review)(Brief Review)
March 1, 2005... Really Short Reviews (1) The Face of a Naked Lady (Houghton Mifflin, $24), by Michael Rips. A journey through the brothels and slaughterhouses of 1920s Omaha. Lithe! Deft! Not nearly enough play-by-play in the brothels! (2) China, Inc....

Big important: book of the month.(Books)(Home Land)(Brief Article)(Book Review)
March 1, 2005... I'M SORRY if I'm the last dork to show up at the party and I'm telling you things you already know. I don't know Sam Lipsyte at all. I don't know anybody who knows Sam Lipsyte at all. But on a recent Sunday morning I picked up his novel Home...

Coffee music: Starbucks, world's biggest coffee shop, is about to become Starbucks, world's biggest record store.(Music)
March 1, 2005... Ray Charles is still dead. And if he weren't, you could bet the barista at your corner Starbucks would be wishing he were. I was bored silly by last year's star-studded Ray duets collection, Genius Loves Company. I can only imagine the hell of...

This month's lesson: five more songs of the year.(Music Lessons with John Mayer)
March 1, 2005... I WAS STUNNED to learn that I was nominated for Song of the Year at this year's Grammys for my tune "Daughters." There's so much great music out right now. So I've decided to sublet my nomination to five equally deserving songs. "Float...

The alternative Oscars: for the sixth year in a row, we present the awards the Academy doesn't have the sense--or cojones--to give.(Movies)
March 1, 2005... ROUGHLY FIVE MINUTES into last year's Ocean's Twelve, I experienced a startling realization: I hated the movie. Absolutely flat-out no kidding despised the fucker. This was startling not just because I'm generally a fan of Steven Soderbergh's...

The Esquire Retail 100.(Promotion)(Advertisement)
March 1, 2005... America's Finest Menswear Specialty Stores Esquire enjoys a unique relationship with America's leading retailers. With outstanding service, a focus on quality, and a broad range of leading brands, these stores help you to invest wisely as...

Q+A: Harry Reems, star of Deep Throat.(Movies)
March 1, 2005... HERB STREICHER may have been a skinny kid with a big nose, but the Manhattan-born actor grew up to be Harry Reems, one of the highest-paid adult-film stars in the world. His claim to fame was Gerald Damiano's 1972 skin flick Deep Throat, a...

Quiz: development hell.(Movies)
March 1, 2005... HOLLYWOOD EXECUTIVES pride themselves on distinguishing quality from crap. A treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence? We're talking $200 million worldwide and counting. If you think you've got what it takes to run a studio,...

The annotated press release.(Hollywood)
March 1, 2005... In early December, Walt Disney Pictures and Pixar Animation Studios announced via a joint press release that Cars, the seventh and final film in a partnership that began with Toy Story, would be moved back from its traditional holiday launch to...

Punch lines and PDAs: our director shows Robin Williams and Jimmy Fallon who's top dog.(The Digital Man)(Product/Service Evaluation)
March 1, 2005... I RECENTLY GOT OUT of a two-hour meeting with Robin Williams in Los Angeles in which we talked about doing a movie together called RV, about, well, an RV. Needing to establish who was in charge, I started with a rapid-fire game of Finish the...

Grooming advice (from a guy who can kick our ass).(Maintenance)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2005... Your problem: My back hair is Out of control RODNEY'S WISDOM: Relax, Chewie. I am here to announce that it's now fully kosher for a man to wax his back. Your chest, legs, or groin? Well, you do what you've got to do and I'll mind my own...

There's no shame in: a good moisturizer.(Maintenance)(Brief Article)(Product/Service Evaluation)
March 1, 2005... AS THE MOST exposed part of your body (we hope), your face takes a constant beating--not to mention that torture regimen commonly called shaving. A daily dose of a good moisturizer can help reverse some of that wear. We enlisted the...

In praise of the not-so-dry martini.(Drinking)
March 1, 2005... To make a dry martini: "Into a mixing glass place some cracked ice, two dashes of Orange bitters, half a jigger of [dry] French vermouth, and half a jigger of dry English gin...." Okay, that's seriously fucked up--not so much the bitters,...

How to break into your girlfriend's e-mail (and why you probably shouldn't).(Dangerous Knowledge)
March 1, 2005... PORN AND SELF-GOOGLING are overrated. The most addictive thing your PC has to offer is your girlfriend's e-mail. Even better is your ex's. I know firsthand. I've got two exes blissfully blind to the fact that I start my mornings with a cup of...

Leather trim optional.(Dangerous Knowledge)
March 1, 2005... FROM THE OUTSIDE, they look like normal pickups, Hummers, and SUVs--until the grenade launchers and the chain guns come out. Pittsburgh-area start-up Ibis Tek (ibistek.com) is souping up the rides of Middle Eastern strongmen with enough armor...

Footballs, rich girls, recommendation letters & Jesus H. Christ.(Answer Fella)
March 1, 2005... ESQUIRE'S ANSWER FELLA believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people who don't ask questions, fearing they'll look stupid. So ask Answer Fella anything. If he doesn't know the answer, he'll find out who does or who has a...

Live Italian: of all the male species, Italians have the most fun. Here's why.(First, The Four Finest Things To Come Out Of Italy)
March 1, 2005... 1 The Food When it comes to food, Italy is more like a constellation of little states than a single country. Just as the accent may change, so will the flavors, Gustiamo.com is dedicated to food straight from the Italian farms where it's...

The new laws of fashion.(Style)
March 1, 2005... With more quality available to the American man an ever before, there are also more pitfalls. To help you navigate our expanding sartorial world, here are Esquire's fifty new laws of fashion. Commit them to memory. Break them if you like....

Previsionist history: if past is prologue, then future generations will remember us for the sex we didn't have, the drugs we didn't take, and the clothes we didn't wear.(Chuck Klosterman's America)
March 1, 2005... MUCH LIKE BILL CLINTON, Pete Rose, and anyone vaguely associated with the Ramones, I invest a lot of energy in worrying about my legacy. How will future historians describe my tenure on earth? How will I be remembered? As an iconoclastic,...

The grand dames of sport.(Chuck Klosterman's America)(Movie Review)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2005... If you have an interest in tough women--and I mean really tough women, as in tough enough to wrestle a bear--you'll want to stay on the lookout for Lipstick & Dynamite, a new documentary about female wrestlers from the 1950s. Directed by Ruth...

The villain: Carlos Boozer, LeBron's wingman, a key part of the Cavaliers' future, suddenly walked away from Cleveland last summer for money. Cleveland's not the kind of place that forgets.(The Game)
March 1, 2005... Carlos Boozer is twenty-three years old, but because of the way he's built--his ass wouldn't look out of place on a horse--and the way he is, he seems older, almost ancient. When he's not playing basketball, he moves slowly, walks gingerly, as...

Poker with Jim.(The Game)
March 1, 2005... James McManus, author of Positively Fifth Street: Murderers, Cheetahs, and Binion's World Series of Poker, is one of 134 players on the Professional Poker Tour. In each installment of this semiregular column, he will recount a single dramatic...

Ten things you don't know about women.(Brief Article)
March 1, 2005... 1. Women were invented in 1224 by a lonely Dutch barber. 2. When we 80 to the bathroom in pairs, we split up and one of us goes out in the alley to shoot craps with the busboys. 3. Not all of us like high-heeled shoes. In fact, some of...

iPod, iTunes, iSell: time to short the one you love.(The Portfolio)
March 1, 2005... SHOW ME A SPORTS BETTOR who won't bet against his favorite team and I'll show you a broke-ass homer. The same is even truer for stocks. So before I explain exactly why an investor should short as many shares of Apple as he can possibly...

E-Loan forever.(The Portfolio)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2005... Writing a bimonthly column, I don't pretend to offer meaningful timing on transactions. This thing's about ideas and making money over the long term. And yet I can't help but feel a tiny bit proud of recommending E-Loan in mid-October (The...

Eastern energy.(Health)
March 1, 2005... This month I decided to sample a pair of the much hyped drugs spawned by ancient traditions in Asian healing. One is scraped from rocks in the Himalayas; the other is a favorite of Tibetan livestock. Intrigued? * SHILAJIT What is it?...

Eat this.(Health)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2005... Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Crack open a 28-ounce can of whole San Marzano tomatoes. Pour out the liquid, chop up the tomatoes, and drain in a colander. Mince five garlic cloves and saute in a large ovenproof skillet with 1 tbsp olive oil over...

The indefatigable man.(Health)(Brief Article)(Interview)
March 1, 2005... Here are just a few of the things ultramarathoner Dean Karnazes has done uJhi|e running: eaten an entire pizza, gone temporarily blind, crawled, collapsed, fallen asleep (twice), and composed passages of his inspiring new book, Ultramarathon...

Telltale hearts.(Health)
March 1, 2005... The new heart scanners are cheaper, faster, and less invasive--that is, not invasive at all--than a good ol' angiogram. They'll tell you just about everything there is to know about your ticker. Yikes. I WAS PLANNING to have my own heart...

Sex.
March 1, 2005... Lately I've been tempted to be nude in public places, and it's becoming a problem. How can I find a sensible outlet for this? Say, that's taking the initiative! What with all the senseless nudity out there, it's refreshing to hear from...

The restless man.(Real Adventures for Regular Guys)
March 1, 2005... THIS MONTH: deep-sea spearfishing WHERE: The Tortugas Bank, west of Key West DEGREE OF DIFFICULTY: It's not shooting fish in a barrel, but seasoned divers can pick it up quickly. COST OF THREE-DAY WEEKEND: $870 DEGREE OF FUN:...

Dark horse: Clive Owen is a tight, masculine, and even elegant British actor. But he's no movie star. Got it?(Interview)
March 1, 2005... LONDON IS A CITY OF STRANGE LIGHT not just because the sun is usually obscured by rain clouds and the smoke from a million bad cigarettes but more because this city's streets are laid out in a jumble, following the natural lines of the Thames...

Esquire eats America.
March 1, 2005... Esquire eats transcendent, deep-fried green chiles in New Mexico. Esquire eats thick, spicy creole gumbo with foie gras in Vegas. Esquire eats pommes frites in Oakland, Peking duck in suburban D. C., and authentic spaghetti alla carbonara in...

The best bites of food in the U.S.A.: we are talking about the essence of eating--the individual bite, that instant of pure pleasure when everything else just fades to black. Presenting thirty-four edible moments of ecstasy from coast to coast.
March 1, 2005... (1.) You hear a lot of nonsense about sushi-grade tuna--a myth. There is tuna, and there is toro, the fat betty. And then there is the toro Masa Takayama uses to make his sushi. It is not deep red; it is not rosy. It is pate pink--almost...

Wylie Dufresne & the fun food factory.
March 1, 2005... Wylie Dufresne deconstructs food. He breaks it down to its smallest parts and then puts it back together. And puts it back together with things like transglutaminase and xanthan gum and various thixotropic agents. Like most artists who destroy...

Breakfast: a love story: an homage to the most important meal of the day, featuring the six greatest breakfasts you've (probably) never eaten.
March 1, 2005... "I was at this restaurant. The sign said, 'Breakfast anytime." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."--Steven Wright That's a good joke, not just because it's funny. Wright clearly understands the historical significance of the...

The esquire quiz: are you a food snob? Well, you've been reading this section, so we know you're at least epi-curious. But could you be (gulp) a full-fledged foodie? Total your points as you answer these questions and find out.
March 1, 2005... * USE NO. 2 PENCIL ONLY * EXAMPLE (A) (x) (C) (D) * ERASE COMPLETELY TO CHANGE [1] Finish this sentence: After dinner, I Like to (A) Linger over grappa, telling stories about the delightful food customs I observed ...

Eva Mendes.(A Woman We Love)(Interview)
March 1, 2005... We're flattered. Eva Mendes hasn't shown this much skin since Training Day, in which, as Denzel Washington's wife, she showed a whole lot more. Ever since that 2001 appearance, though, the twenty-eight-year-old L.A. native has kept most of her...

Who the hells Ronnie Earle? He's a Texas Lawman. Next question: then why are House majority leader Tom DeLay the Republican party, and some of the biggest corporations in the country so afraid of him?
March 1, 2005... Today started with lawyers for a big-shot Washington fundraiser and a couple of large corporations who showed up in court for a quick legal version of whining and moaning, asking for a continuance until... well, never would be good. Then...

Scenes from the life of a true ... player: self-described family man and Arrested Development star Jason Bateman told us he has a little-known alter ego--a slick fashion plate who dabbles in art, surrounds himself with models, and sleeps on satin sheets. His name? Chazz Bling. This is his story.(Esquire Style)
March 1, 2005... 1 Chazz is a tough negotiator. "Yeah, pizza guy, Chazz here. Don't jerk me around with this 'thirty minutes or less' thing. I've got one pro about to pass out from hunger and one set to jump out my window. Let's get a move on." Two-button...

Scott Sands: survivor, 38, Orlando, Florida.(What I've Learned)
March 1, 2005... --I can tell without being told that someone has Duchenne. I can tell by looking at his face. There's a certain look to all of us. You can see it. --To deal with the physical aspect of this disease is very difficult. You must keep mentally...

The making of the Twenty-First-Century soldier (Part 1): in which a dope-smoking, valet-parking skateboarder living at home makes his way into the infantry, and into Iraq.
March 1, 2005... Kids from the suburbs don't really join the military. At least not where I'm from. After high school you do one of two things, you either get your education on at some big-name university or college, or you live at your parents' and smoke pot...

Well crafted: just beyond the million-dollar yachts harbored at Newport, Rhode Island, some of the East Coast's most talented craftsmen toil away in their workshops. We decided to give them the afternoon off, by way of the season's most comfortable clothes.(Spring Preview)
March 1, 2005... Luke Randall, 40, painter If you travel west ten miles across Narragansett Bay, you'll, come to the tiny town of North Kingstown and the historic Shady Lea Mill, a century-old retired textile mill that has now been converted into, among...

Where does your ticket price go?(This Way Out)(Brief Article)
March 1, 2005... Movie: Constantine, a thriller starring Keanu Reeves and Rachel Weisz $0.12: To reserve domain names constantinesucks.com, constantine-eats-ass.com, constantine-sounds-like-constipated. com $4.24 Salaries for the stars $0.18: For...